View Full Version : Query on Divorce / Separation
Blaze
11-01-2009, 01:18 PM
...had a call from another childminder, wanting advice & I'm not 100% sure of the answer...hence the post!
A child she cares for...Just turned 5, his parent's have separated in the holidays & are starting the process of divorce...Mum and Dad want the CM to report back to them anything the child says to her regarding this matter...CM is concerned... as to the child's right to confidentially and getting in the middle of it all and confidentially in general (both parents have signed the contract and she has equal contact with both the Mum & Dad)...wanted to see what you all think regarding this! Thanks:)
i had a similar problem in the past but only mum had signed contract so i only had to report to mum
i would suggest she speaks to her legal advice line
either mm or ncma and they will advise best way to go forward
sarah707
11-01-2009, 01:26 PM
She cannot allow herself to get in the middle of a divorce.
Also unless it's a child protection issue, surely the child is allowed to talk freely to someone... and who better than the trusted childminder?
I agree with ajs that she gets legal advice.
rickysmiths
11-01-2009, 01:30 PM
I had one start in Sept before and after school. Dad left in the summer so my only contact is with mum.
she has asked me to tell her if anything is mentioned and school have been asked the same because the teacher has asked me to pass on stuff. There have been no problems but it does feel better to me that mindee (only just 5yrs) is able to speak her feelings feely. Over the run up to Xmas she suddenly asked if she could make a card for dad so we did and I passed it on to mum. Dont know if it was delivered it doesnt really matter it made mindee feel good.
Blaze
11-01-2009, 02:02 PM
That's the thing that's bothering her...she feels that the child is likely to open up & talk to her...but how does she handle Mum & Dad wanting to know everything the child says on the matter & the child's right to confidentiality?
crazybones
11-01-2009, 02:06 PM
I dont know the answer but hope they want to know out of mutual concern for the child and not to gain bullets to fire.
Blaze
11-01-2009, 02:08 PM
I dont know the answer but hope they want to know out of mutual concern for the child and not to gain bullets to fire.
I suspect it will be the first, but end up the second unfortunately!
haribo
11-01-2009, 02:41 PM
to be honest if i was going through a divorce i would want to be kept informed of what my child had said through the day,if only to be reasured that they could speak freely and openly on the subjects that concerned them. i would hate to think something was kept from me on the grounds of confidentiality.
Andrea08
11-01-2009, 04:14 PM
to be honest if i was going through a divorce i would want to be kept informed of what my child had said through the day,if only to be reasured that they could speak freely and openly on the subjects that concerned them. i would hate to think something was kept from me on the grounds of confidentiality.
I agree, during my divorce i wanted to know how my children felt and also if at any time they got upset,
it can with others turn into "they love me more"etc,, i would keep x2 daily diarys or e-mail contact and say the same to both parents and report conversns with child that you feel should be shared.
eg- if child said,,,"i just dont like mummy n daddy fighting",,,,Parents may think about their actions to help smooth the situation..
good luck to your friend
FizzysFriends
11-01-2009, 05:45 PM
I think its important that how the child feels if passed on to both parents, but I think a more general way so that the child doesn't feel their conversations are being repeated. She could just say XXX talked about the divorce today and is upset/not bothered/concerned.
flora
11-01-2009, 05:57 PM
She shouldn't allow herself to be caught in the middle.
I am in the middle of my sister's divorce and believe me its a hard place to be :(
I think she should tell both parents that she will talk to both of them regarding their child but as to anything else she doesn't want to be involved.
She can be honest and say that the child will need a solid ifgure in their lives who is impartial. My neice has used me like this and has said how good it feels to talk to someone not involved.
Lo need a someone who they can talk to without feeling this will be used as ammunition and it goes no further.
I can undertand where mum is coming from but child's needs MUST come first.
Good luck to your friend :thumbsup: she'll probably need it:(