sammy
16-12-2008, 11:28 PM
for all those that have been following my story of the high needs child! I finally had enough of giving "mummy" a smile and saying yes he was wingy but it was all ok.
My 2 little ones have taken it in turns to have a high temp over the last few days, i told the parents, one decided not to bring her lo, But the one who winges did come as the mum is a doctor and its important for her to go to work, anyway after listening to the noise all morning and afternoon, and noticing that my son had a headache, i just thought what is this doing to my family!!
After having to go for a drive to get them to sleep, as there was no way the 2 little ones could with his winging, it was bliss - such a lovely drive!! lol, they all slept.
Anyway when mum collected, I did say in a nice way that i feel that all the children in my care are not getting equal attention, and that he still winges all the time when not being held. She knows this as he is the same with her, but i basically said it has to change as its just not fair on the children in my setting, i also said its all very well him wanting to be held, but its no good for his development as he wont learn to crawl etc if he doesnt have that oppurtunity (he is nearly 1), she agreed with what i said but did try and make excuses - ie, teething, thats hes had a high temp lately etc, but i said well hes been like it for 6 months now. Anyway i suggested controllled crying, she wasnt too keen on the idea, but she knows that we both have to work something out, otherwise im not prepared to have him. She said she is going through a guilty stage of having to work so wants to hold him all the time, also she said i tried so hard to have him , why would i not want to hold him (she did say this in a nice way), and also that hes clingy. I did sympathise with her, but also explained that to me hes my fourth child and wouldnt be getting that kind treatment of being held all day, and that we need to break his habit of basically not picking him up when HE demands it, but making sure all his other needs are met.
I just said its all very well if your the only carer then he can be clingy and you can hold him all day, but its just not working, and that i cant possibly hold him all day, i like to be doing activities with the children, not just sitting there holding a baby. I did say he might be more suited to someone with no other children, so he can have all the care in the world but that still wont help his bad habit of winging when he doesnt get picked up.
Anyway she has now suggested that her husband do the controlled crying, so not picking him up every time he murmurs. I did add that i really love him and i kissed his hand, i think that touched her, as she did well up a bit.
I feel sorry for her as she has to work, and she has to let go a little bit, for him to settle properly in my environment, she is so worried that i might say i dont want him, as she loves him being here.
Anyway i shall see what happens, shes even asked me to have him even earlier tommorow even though my son has a high temp, but i dont like to let people down, and i will still manage lots of cuddles with my lo.
My 2 little ones have taken it in turns to have a high temp over the last few days, i told the parents, one decided not to bring her lo, But the one who winges did come as the mum is a doctor and its important for her to go to work, anyway after listening to the noise all morning and afternoon, and noticing that my son had a headache, i just thought what is this doing to my family!!
After having to go for a drive to get them to sleep, as there was no way the 2 little ones could with his winging, it was bliss - such a lovely drive!! lol, they all slept.
Anyway when mum collected, I did say in a nice way that i feel that all the children in my care are not getting equal attention, and that he still winges all the time when not being held. She knows this as he is the same with her, but i basically said it has to change as its just not fair on the children in my setting, i also said its all very well him wanting to be held, but its no good for his development as he wont learn to crawl etc if he doesnt have that oppurtunity (he is nearly 1), she agreed with what i said but did try and make excuses - ie, teething, thats hes had a high temp lately etc, but i said well hes been like it for 6 months now. Anyway i suggested controllled crying, she wasnt too keen on the idea, but she knows that we both have to work something out, otherwise im not prepared to have him. She said she is going through a guilty stage of having to work so wants to hold him all the time, also she said i tried so hard to have him , why would i not want to hold him (she did say this in a nice way), and also that hes clingy. I did sympathise with her, but also explained that to me hes my fourth child and wouldnt be getting that kind treatment of being held all day, and that we need to break his habit of basically not picking him up when HE demands it, but making sure all his other needs are met.
I just said its all very well if your the only carer then he can be clingy and you can hold him all day, but its just not working, and that i cant possibly hold him all day, i like to be doing activities with the children, not just sitting there holding a baby. I did say he might be more suited to someone with no other children, so he can have all the care in the world but that still wont help his bad habit of winging when he doesnt get picked up.
Anyway she has now suggested that her husband do the controlled crying, so not picking him up every time he murmurs. I did add that i really love him and i kissed his hand, i think that touched her, as she did well up a bit.
I feel sorry for her as she has to work, and she has to let go a little bit, for him to settle properly in my environment, she is so worried that i might say i dont want him, as she loves him being here.
Anyway i shall see what happens, shes even asked me to have him even earlier tommorow even though my son has a high temp, but i dont like to let people down, and i will still manage lots of cuddles with my lo.