View Full Version : spoke to mum and shes told me she has a high needs child!!! great!!

10-12-2008, 11:02 PM
Hi for all those that have read my post about the 11 month old that wont stop winging, well the mum gave me a link and it has information about a high needs child (apparently thats what he is) alot of it sounds the same as him. But its all to do with her continually picking him up every time he moans, thats making my time with him a nightmare. I told her today that i left him to cry (winge) and she said it breaks my heart to hear you left him cry! which it would do, but surely she should make it easier by not going to him every second he murmurs.

Anyway i just thought the link might help those with wingers.

This link even says that he will be the leader in the household and lists a whole lot of traits hewill have whe he becomes a toddler - doesnt sound very hopefull i will be keeping him!! if its true!!


10-12-2008, 11:15 PM
I'm no expert but my opinion is that the mum is looking for excuses for the way the baby is. I think you've got the right idea with regards to trying to help the situation. No parent would like to think their child is left to cry but if this method is done correctly then it can be very beneficial. The thing is, the parents would have to do the same at home or the poor little baby will just end up confused.

I didn't read that link word-for-word but just skimming through has informed me that my own baby is definetly NOT "a high need baby"!

Hope the situation improves.

Carole x

10-12-2008, 11:24 PM
the thing is i know she wouldnt be able to leave him to winge, its like hes not upset, its more a noise hes got used to doing, and its like hes saying, pick me up and do as i say (thats how i read it) he doesnt look sad and is totally happy when i hold him, but as soon as i put him down he starts - 5 solid months ive had this!!

Every time he makes a slight noise she fusses over him, not sure how this is going to work, she would feel really offended if i told her what to do with him.

But i feel like saying if you dont leave him to winge then i dont want him, because hes making my life really difficult and the children i have get upset by it. All she does is symapthise with me and says i think thats hes personaility, and why o why did i get a difficult child.

10-12-2008, 11:34 PM
That definetly sounds like a noise he's associated with using to get picked up and I think she's just using excuses. If he's not crying or looking sad then there's obviously nothing actually wrong with him and you'd think she would be able to realise that.

You're in a different situation to her and whilst she may have the time to pick him up at the slightest noise, you obviously can't be expected to do that as you have other children's needs to consider.

I think you need to have a chat with her and explain this (she'd have the same situation if he went to other childcare) and try to decide on ways you can work together to try and overcome it.

Carole x

11-12-2008, 02:03 AM
I would buy Mum a copy of Dr Christopher Green's Toddler Taming (updated version) for Christmas!:thumbsup: :D

11-12-2008, 05:58 AM
I hate the way people try and label everything and for every parent their child is "special". She defiantely needs to read a good parenting book. Two of my daughters according to that article were high needs but its how you deal with it. Unfortunately for you the parent gives in, making your life a nightmare

11-12-2008, 06:45 AM
I hate the way people try and label everything and for every parent their child is "special". She defiantely needs to read a good parenting book. Two of my daughters according to that article were high needs but its how you deal with it. Unfortunately for you the parent gives in, making your life a nightmare

LOL...according to that all 3 of my LO's are/were:eek: :rolleyes: ...I agree it's 99% of the time how you deal with it!:thumbsup:

11-12-2008, 07:12 AM
That sounds exactly like my eldest and I know exactly why he was like that and it was ME! I was that first time parent who carried him, jumped to attention when he squeaked etc. In hindsight at lot of it was because of my PND and my unwillingness to let anyone help. I made a rod for my own back and gave up work because I was not happy about him going to nursery and being left without attention for any length of time. :rolleyes: Oh how I learnt my lesson and my next two where much more chilled babies.

Having said that I think all babies are high needs - its how you deal with them.

don the duck
11-12-2008, 09:04 AM
oh dear what can i say that hasnt already been send.
I agree with u all. i do have a baby the same....

will have a look at the link later

11-12-2008, 10:01 AM
i also agree with everyone i have a baby 10 months and he does the same he just wants picking up all the time but you cant as we have other mindees i spoke to mum and baby is spoilt at home gets picked up at the small thing it doesnt help me hopefully baby will grow out of it

mandy moo
11-12-2008, 10:09 AM
I too agree with all said on here especially Cazz and Blaze.:laughing:
It sounds like your gonna have to have a chat with her again, prehaps starting the conversation on how it affects the other mindees, that its not fair on them, as you cant be forever picking him up and gently put it to her, that things have to change, or you will have to let them go, this may do the trick and she will prehaps agree to let him whinge at home for short periods before she picks him up.
5 mths is a long time I think you've doing great, I think I'd have prehaps gone la la by now:laughing:

11-12-2008, 11:07 AM
Tell her you have high needs, needs for some peace and quiet occasionally! :D

11-12-2008, 11:49 AM
Oh dear, this baby needs it mummy not childcare, you cannot possibly put up with this or you, your family and other mindees will go insane!
Mummy may be able to pander to this baby but it is unreasonable to expect you to do the same. She urgently needs to call in Tracey Hogg "the baby whisperer"! that woman works wonders with babies like this.
Doesn't look like you'll be getting a lot of support from mummy with any strategies so all depends how long you can put up with all the noise for! :eek:

11-12-2008, 12:58 PM
i know i do need a baby whisperer to come in and tell me what to do with him, hes really not normal - lol. I told her i left him to cry yesterday then she sent me an email last night saying it breaks my heart when i hear you leave him to cry (its not even a cry!) and she goes on to say, its because i feel guilty of leaving him!! so she will be so soft when it comes to discipline, i dont mind what she does its her first baby, but if its affectng my life THAT much then i feel she needs to change, or her childcare will have to change, anyway i might write her a letter, have a look at my new link as i want alot of advice on if its ok or not, its just a draft letter.

Thanks for all your replys they mean alot to me

11-12-2008, 01:11 PM
hmmm not sure if I go along with this totally - all babies and young children are "high needs" blimey it describes James to a tee!

Think so much of it comes down to how these "high needs" are handled - just like anything else. I am a firm believer in that you can't "spoil" a baby - thats what they are designed like - to pick up and cuddle, feed, coo over but like anything else there has to be a balance allowing you (or the parent) time to quickly hoover, go for a wee, have a bite to eat, some time out. Babies learn from an early age "rules" and also how to manipulate their carers.

There is nothing wrong in allowing a child to cry for short short periods - this is a learning curve for them that they can't have their own way, how to comfort themselves or send themselves to sleep etc etc..... it breaks anyones heart to hear a child in distress but by the sounds of it this bairn is not in "distress".

I would talk to parents - if they want 1-2-1 care for their child suggest a nanny (ever so sweetly of course;) ) and say that you understand about a childs needs but you need to find a fine balance etc etc.

hope it works out for you