View Full Version : I feel bad now that ive put myself on the vacancy list

08-12-2008, 08:02 PM
ive been contemplating whether or not to keep the 11 month old, who ive had for 5 months as he continually winges to be held, (hes happy when held) but as soon as i put him down even in highchair to feed he doesnt stop winging, sounds a bit like a cry but without the tears. Hes not in pain i think hes got himself into a bad habit of winging and cant stop.

Anyway i spoke to his mum, she siad he hasnt stopped winging since an hour after he was born!! now im thinking this could just be in his nature,as nothing stops him.

So i put myself on the vacancy list today in the hope to get someone new after xmas then i can give 1 months notice. I dont think its fair on me or my family, i already have a 2 year old thats acting up and im sure its because of this, then i have a 3.5 year old who is wetting himself more. One of my other mindees crys too because the 11 month old winges (luckily i only have him for 2 mornings a week)

Today the mum gave me £50 voucher for my kids for xmas and she doesnt even celebrate it as she is muslim, shes also moved to be near me and she makes me dinners to try. So i think she is trying to make things up to me for her sons behaviour, and now i feel bad that im thinking about getting rid of him. Do you think im doing the right thing?

I even phoned my HV to ask about this and to see if they would do a home visit to try see if they had enough experience to come up with a magic plan. but the mum has to phone and arrange it, but they said at 11months he shouldne be doing that now!

08-12-2008, 08:16 PM
Only you know if you are doing the right thing.

Sounds to me like you've made your mind up and you've got very good reasons for your decision.

Could you give it one last try to talk to the mum and see if you can come up with an action plan together or ask her to think of something to help. Tell her the truth that you love him to bits (??) but he's having a negative affect on the other children in your home and you would like to keep him but need this situation to be sorted out or you are afraid you will have to terminate the contract.

Just tell her straight, sound very sorry and that you want to avoid it but don't know how. Maybe it will spur her into action to get this sorted out. It can't be good for the lo's health being upset and stressed all the time surely.

Good luck.


08-12-2008, 08:34 PM
we have been talking about it for a while now about different strategies, and nothing has worked, it is just him. Also hes not stressed or upset exactly, hes more annoyed that he wont get picked up every time he winges.

I did say at end of 3month review im not sure about it as then he was doing it all day long, but as he had a good week i decided we were making progress and i said i will keep him. I just cant see him changing at all, ive even said hes better suited to a single person who wants to hold him ALL day long, and she knows hes hard work, but just trys sympathising with me, she has stopped b/feeding during the day and i think she feeds him at night still. And i know she picks him up all the time, probably without realising herself and fusses over him with every sound - which doesnt help me, but i dont want to tell her how to bring up her child. im sure she can work out what she does with him will affect the way he is with me.

I just keep thinking how peaceful my life with my 3 boys used to be and now its not.

08-12-2008, 09:09 PM
Oh Sammy you could be talking about one of my mindees there ! He's 17m and constantly whinges unless he is picked up or has food in his mouth. He's very wearing. I didn't have him today and it has been such a nice , cheerful , peacful day. Even the other mindees have had enough of him :rolleyes:

I would give notice in a heartbeat but he's my biggest earner and the way things are at the moment this has to be the deciding factor sadly.

08-12-2008, 10:14 PM
i know mine is my biggest earner too and the money has helped alot as i dont need to reply on my partner for spending money, thats the only thing thats making me keep him, and thats why i thought about looking for someone else first before i terminated the contract (i will give 4 weeks notice), i feel for you too! alot of people dont understand how hard it can be or they think its something to do with the childminder (me) which annoys me as its his own little personality and nothing will sway him, all my friends have tried distracting him recently and they cant believe that hes that bad, honestly im starting to wonder if hes normal. But big hugs to you, and for all of those that have a difficult one!!

08-12-2008, 10:39 PM
I also know how you feel my screamer is now 2 and never stops

At the end of the day though do what is right for YOU and your family

Good luck

Angel xx