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View Full Version : very annoyed at parents reaction-feeding prob



acorns
05-12-2008, 06:35 PM
The 16month old I look after sometimes eats dinner and other times doesn't. It's not that he isn't hungry he just takes one look at it turns his head away or hands me back the plate. When this happens I have been doing him a sandwich (after speaking with mum she said she didn't mind if i did or didn't do a sandwich) well tonight after the upteenth time of him refusing dinner I did a sandwich which he wolfed down. The problem is that my own dd who eats very well refused the rest of her dinner and wanted a sandwich also. I told parents tonight that i wont be doing a sandwich in future as my own child stops eating & wants one also & I am not happy for her to have that. It's went down like a lead balloon, so I said that he would have to wait until my child has finished her dinner then I will do him something. I think that what is on my menu should be what is offered, I dont mind doing a sarnie now & then, but this is several times. I feel that it's encouraging the mindee not to eat his dinner & from what parents have said they do whatever he wants to keep him quiet. The parents reaction has just topped my day:angry:

Trouble
05-12-2008, 06:39 PM
i agree with you

if youve spent all that time making him dinner and he refuses he knows that a sandwich will follow which isnt encouraging him to eat it in the first place

i have a 1 1/2 year old and she has sandwiches for lunch followed by yog and fruit, and at 1 1/2 she knows if she refuses her sandwich i will give her the yogurt, now she just refuses the sandwich, which really annoys me.

Pipsqueak
05-12-2008, 06:46 PM
sorry I must be quite hard hearted in these matters. I would never see a child go hungry but if I have cooked a perfectly decent meal and it is refused then nothing else gets offered. I don't berate or get cross - just simply offer it one more time and then remove the plate from the table.
If possible I would plate the dinner up and send home, if not I would just say they refused to eat the meal end of.

I can't stand seeing good food go to waste (what with the costs, time elements involved and there a people dying in this world when we chuck away so much), I was taught as a child - thats your meal (genuine dislikes respected - as I do with children) and thats what will be eaten or go hungry.
I was taught to appreciate the time and effort involved where and how a meal is put in front of me.

Children soon learn "bad habits" regarding eating and my opinion is that by giving him a sarnie then you are encouring his refusals. They also soon learn that if they push the meal away and it is taken away (no fuss made) they soon learn to eat it.

My kids are horrified if children refuse to eat (but then again its probably because my lot are gannets lol) and soon tell them that its better to eat it.

My newbie age 19months is a little pickle about eating (so I have discovered) and she is quickly learning my house rules

Stick to your guns hun for your own childs sake

fionamal
05-12-2008, 06:49 PM
If they refuse the meal then I wouldnt give them anything else. If they are hungry enough then they will eat it and soon learn fast

Princess Sara
05-12-2008, 07:04 PM
I wouldn't offer anything else. That's what is offered and that is all they are getting. Also with the yoghurt, I wouldn't give it if the child hasn't eaten the sandwhich first. I'm a firm believer that we all sit around a table and eat together, eating the same thing. I won't cook things I know people really dislike though that's a differnet matter I think.

Although, if the child is getting their own way at home, and not at your house, it might cause a problem. Plus aren't we suppose to be working with the parents to offer continuing routeens?

crazybones
05-12-2008, 07:24 PM
sorry I must be quite hard hearted in these matters. I would never see a child go hungry but if I have cooked a perfectly decent meal and it is refused then nothing else gets offered. I don't berate or get cross - just simply offer it one more time and then remove the plate from the table.
If possible I would plate the dinner up and send home, if not I would just say they refused to eat the meal end of.

I can't stand seeing good food go to waste (what with the costs, time elements involved and there a people dying in this world when we chuck away so much), I was taught as a child - thats your meal (genuine dislikes respected - as I do with children) and thats what will be eaten or go hungry.
I was taught to appreciate the time and effort involved where and how a meal is put in front of me.

Children soon learn "bad habits" regarding eating and my opinion is that by giving him a sarnie then you are encouring his refusals. They also soon learn that if they push the meal away and it is taken away (no fuss made) they soon learn to eat it.

My kids are horrified if children refuse to eat (but then again its probably because my lot are gannets lol) and soon tell them that its better to eat it.

My newbie age 19months is a little pickle about eating (so I have discovered) and she is quickly learning my house rules

Stick to your guns hun for your own childs sake

I agree with Pip. My soon to be 3 year old is trying it on at the moment and is about to go to bed after eating 2 mouthfuls of cous cous. :rolleyes:

Hannahlg
05-12-2008, 07:30 PM
if children dont eat what is on offer (and we always try to make a meals what all the children like) then there dont get nothing eles or pudding its as smiple as that

we had one little boy who on tuesday messed about with dinner and he got no pudding the childs dad said that he was geld we didnt give him pudding and that he wont be getting any treats that night.

another parent dose the same thing if dont eat whats on offer then nothing eles is offerd

Hebs
05-12-2008, 07:31 PM
i'm the same with my kids and they are older :thumbsup:

eat whats offered or go hungry.... simple lesson to learn

my kids LOVE their veg now, took along time but we got there :laughing:

by giving him the sandwich you are encouraging him to refuse a perfectly good meal

at the end of the day he should be grateful he's getting a GOOD meal every day, there are kids out there starving to death :(
i know he's too young to understand this but his parents arn't :thumbsup:

acorns
05-12-2008, 07:32 PM
Although, if the child is getting their own way at home, and not at your house, it might cause a problem. Plus aren't we suppose to be working with the parents to offer continuing routeens?

We are but I'm not prepared to do what they want me to do when it's at the expense of my child's healthy eating habits. I don't know how that would fit in with working in partnership with parents. In any case if I had a mindee instead of my own dd I would not be offering them all an individual choice of menu every evening!!!!
I can see this causing a problem with the parents

Trouble
05-12-2008, 07:34 PM
but dont we state that we wont with hold food

ie if they dont eat their dinner are you supposed to give them something like yog or fruit??? or not

acorns
05-12-2008, 08:00 PM
but dont we state that we wont with hold food

ie if they dont eat their dinner are you supposed to give them something like yog or fruit??? or not

I did say to parents that he could have yoghurt at same time as my own ds has hers, but he would have to wait until she has finished her dinner, then get back to the table/highchair to eat it. I think thats fair. Anyway I'm not with holding food, he's refusing to eat a perfectly good home cooked meal.

Pipsqueak
05-12-2008, 08:29 PM
but dont we state that we wont with hold food

ie if they dont eat their dinner are you supposed to give them something like yog or fruit??? or not

I don't withhold food (I see where you are coming from here though) or use it as a bribe or similar but I don't see why I should offer more food (at no extra cost!) because the little one is playing silly ejits. Fair do's if they try it and have a few mouthfuls they would get pudding - I would encourage good healthy eating habits

Trouble
05-12-2008, 08:33 PM
do you see where im coming from:blush:

i ask her to have sandwiches then if she has a paddy and refuses i take her away from the table and about 1/2 an hour later ask her if she wants her dinner 9 times out of 10 she does so we try again, all was going great until she went on holday for a week:angry: :angry: :angry:

but she know that it will come in the end:panic:

Pipsqueak
05-12-2008, 10:34 PM
do you see where im coming from:blush:

:

lol I do, I do:D

helenlc
06-12-2008, 08:42 AM
I dont offer anything else if they refuse a dinner. I generally make what I know the child likes and some times introduce something new on the side but dont punish them if they dont like the something new.

I have always done this with my children and their friends. I have sent a friends child home in tears before because she didnt eat all her dinner and then wanted a cake like the other. I had said to her twice when she said she had had enough of her dinner that there wouldnt be a cake afterwards.

If a child is hungry, they will eat what's infront of them. If they know that they get something else even when they have refused their dinner, they will continue to refuse their dinner.

My friend who is a cm and had a little one of 19 months felt guilty cos she had him 8 - 4 and sometimes he hardly ate anything. He had breakfast before he came then would refuse his lunch. Mum was young and asked my frined to help her get him to eat better but then she would pick him up at 4 and cart him off to McDonalds!!! So he didnt need to eat all day cos he got what he wanted at the end of the day with mum.

If you google a child refusing food or something similar, it gives examples of the fact that a child will not starve to death by missing a meal in the day. I think its better to encourage habits where they are eating a proper meal rather than just eating yogurts or fruit.

I do think you have done well to say that he has to wait til the others are eating their yogurt before he has his. I think you need to explain to the parents the effect allowing him to have bad habits can have on your own children.

Chatterbox Childcare
06-12-2008, 10:02 AM
This might sound a bit harsh but why not feed a hot meal at lunchtime and then if it isn't eaten give it for tea. That way they will get the message that they are hungry and mum cannot undermine you by feeding them biscuits etc once they go home.

Gherkin
06-12-2008, 05:42 PM
I was taught as a child - thats your meal (genuine dislikes respected - as I do with children) and thats what will be eaten or go hungry.
I was taught to appreciate the time and effort involved where and how a meal is put in front of me.

Stick to your guns hun for your own childs sake

I'm like Pipsqueak. The childrens tastes are respected to a point. How ever when I do a bolognese sauce I put all the ingrediants in that I would normally and if the children do not like somethign they can pick it out.

I am not going to turn my children in to fussy eaters because I am pandering to other people's children. I am always honest about this to parents and if they do not like it they can use someone else.

acorns
06-12-2008, 06:57 PM
This might sound a bit harsh but why not feed a hot meal at lunchtime and then if it isn't eaten give it for tea. That way they will get the message that they are hungry and mum cannot undermine you by feeding them biscuits etc once they go home.

I do the hot meal at dinner time as I prefer my own two children to eat that way. I usually pre prepare the meal and freeze it in portions so I cant reheat it again later unfortunately.

sarahstanbridge
06-12-2008, 07:28 PM
i have a simular problem. i have a nearly 3 year old that does not eat cooked maels very well. she will eat pasta till the cows come home however i dont do pasta every night she is here (she is here about 4 times a month) i refuse to cook different meals for diffent people. i know for a fact as the parents have let slip that if so doesnt eat much here that they give a tin of pasta shapes to her at home. how will she ever learn to eat up properly as she knows that she will get what she wants in the end. in this house i offer a good home cooked meal and if you dont eat it you go hungrey. my kids eat up their dinner. not sure if they would be happy if minded children had different rules to them. all parent are told this when they first come. i do cater to childrens tastes etc if its a case of really not liking a food. but for example if i have cooked roast diner with 4 or 5 veg i expect most of it to be eaten.

kindredspirits
06-12-2008, 07:35 PM
my son is a rubbish eater - probably from the amount of milk he still drinks. my feeling is as soon as i have communication i will work on what he eats rather than see him go hungry - BUT i don't do one meal straight after another, iykwim. if he refuses one meal he doesn't get anything else until the next meal time - but then i'm more likely to make it something i know he will eat so he's got something in his system.
theres no way i'd make a sandwhich for anyone if they refused their dinner -unless there was a good reason.

acorns
06-12-2008, 07:45 PM
I'm feeling braver after reading your comments. They'll be no sandwiches in future. I think what I'll do is offer the dinner, if it's refused & he shows off to get down, i'll let him get down but if he's clearly hungry still I'll sit him back to have the same dinner. This works with my 9 year old & I think the little one will get the message. That is until he gets home & get's what he wants when dinner is refused:( .

helenlc
06-12-2008, 07:46 PM
I had my son's friend (9) for a while and he hardly ate any of the things I was making. So I asked him to write me a list of dinners he likes. This is what I got:

1. Roast chicken
2. Roast Beef
3. Chicken Pie
4. Beef Pie
5. Left blank!!!

So the next night I made a home made chicken pie with yorkshires, roast potatoes and carrots, broccoli and peas. He ate the pie and yorkshires!! Nothing else!!

I can't let my children see other children being pandered to so I cant do that. I will respect a genuine dislike of something and I try to make a meal that I know has something that everyone likes in it somewhere.

I have forms that are given to parents (or older children) to fill in about likes and dislikes about food and drink etc. These are not always helpful though depending on how they are filled in!!! Lol

gemhei
06-12-2008, 07:58 PM
I have same problem with 13mth old mindee. She wont eat her tea and just spits things out or throws it, Now DD (18 mths) is a great eater and will eat anything i give her normally. Just lately shes been copying mindee and spitting her lunch out then crying for more later when she gets hungry. Ive started to feed DD first so she will eat her meal then mindee after because i dont DD to get into these habbits as i got cross with her on wednesday and felt really guilty. I mentioned it to mindees mum and she just laughed and said oh yer she doesnt eat through the day then scoffs all night when she gets home :rolleyes: i just thought hmm well maybe you need to be a bit firmer and not feed her as much in evenings, but i bit my tounge :mad: .

loocyloo
06-12-2008, 11:30 PM
oooooo ... been there!

used to have an afterschool child who ate next to nothing at my house... (i seem to have the same rules as alot of you ... you eat what is offered ( or at least make a fair attempt! not including genuine dislikes ) or nothing else! )
... the parents agreed with me ... then i discovered said child was eating a pkt of choc biscuits each night home 'because hungry' !!!

luckily, all the current minded children are great eaters, its my own who drive me to distraction!

xxx

ps ... meant to say ... i give all parents a form to fill out stating what foods their child does or doesn't like etc ... one mum filled it in with lots of editing ie 'mums home made bolognese sauce', 'mums home made vegetable dhal' ,'mums home made this, that and t'other' !!! and then didn't mark anything he didn't like! so after one very fraught meal with 4 yr old in tears as i'm saying 'mummy says you like this' about whatever meal it was ... i spoke to mum ... ''oh no, doesn't like that at all, but i want to try new foods'' !!! then had to get mum to do new form, letting me know absolute dislikes! i said i would offer them, but needed to know, so i could ensure child at least had something to eat on plate they liked!

beerheaven
06-12-2008, 11:33 PM
I am pretty strict. I prepare one meal for everyone, taking into accounts likes and dislikes. If the majority of it is eaten then they 'qualify' for pudding. Otherwise nothing else to eat until next snack/mealtime. No messing in this house!