Unhappy mindee

[venus89]

I wrote a few days ago - and nobody answered so maybe you can't help, but I'll try again.... About a 2 ear old mindee of mine who appears to be having troubles accepting other mindees. I've had two babies minded at the same time as her in the last two working days, one of them a couple of weeks ago too, and both times her reaction has been the same - and awful lot of tears, not necessarily out loud, and exceptional clinginess. Today it took me 1/2 hour to stop her crying and asking for cuddles and then if the baby came near her (by 'baby' I mean 14 months) or cried or sat on my lap then she'd start up again. She's fine with the mindee who comes with her every day and fine with my children, no problem with any other kids at toddler groups etc, and fine when her Mum has a younger baby round to play.....

What I wasn't sure about today was whether to ignore her or comfort her. If I give her the cuddles she asks for it doesn't stop her - I can hug her for an hour and mind the others from a distance and she's still not satisfied. Has anybody else been in a similar situation - if so, do you have any advfice for me? I'm reallyupset about the state of this poor little girl and want to help her through it.

[Spangles]

I'm sorry but I don't have any advice for you on this but hope someone else can help you.

Only thing is just wondered if you'd mentioned it to her mum to see if she could shed any light?

Hope you get some advice this time, it's easy for messages to be not seen.

[breezy]

Sorry, I've not experienced this, it sounds like jealousy and attention seeking, but I've no idea why it's just in the situations you've just mentioned.

[venus89]

Thank you both for answering - oh, I know how easy it is for them to get passed by, we're all too busy at the moment!
I have talked to Mu, yes, and she's not really taking it too seriously, which is probably the way to do it. She says that the little one is tired at the moment anyway so it may just be that. Also Mum has MS and has had a very bad couple of weeks of it, which I'm sure doesn't help. I have the little one with th emidee she gets on with on Friday so I'm hoping she'll be herself then.

Oh poo :(

[sarah707]

I used to look after a little girl many years ago who was incredibly shy. She was fine on her own, but very unhappy whenever I had anyone else here - she would cry and cling and get really upset.

Eventually one of the other mindees bumped her with a piece of ribbon (yes, ribbon) and she was so inconsolable I had no choice but to ring her mum. Mum was furious that I had allowed it to happen and I ended up giving notice because I could not guarantee it would never happen again. To be honest in the end it was a relief. I could not settle knowing she was so unhappy.

Funny but I've not thought about her for years then I tell this story twice in 2 days. Some children simply do not settle, despite your best efforts. Sometimes things happen at home that parents are not happy to share with you which affect them... sometimes yes it is a phase and it will pass. Only you can decide that one I'm afraid.

Sorry you already asked and didn't get an answer. I must have missed your original post.

Hope you are ok xx

[venus89]

Thanks Sarah - I only mentioned the original post for reference, not to make people feel guilty!!

This mindee has been happy with me for 3 months, I've not had a single problem until now. I'm sure she'll be happy again - I'm hoping this is more a result of her Mums illness, which seems to be clearing up a bit (for now) than of anything real here. I think I'm doubly sensitive to it as a result of a social services call the other about Mum and child - just a check-how-it's-going thing as the contract is through the SS but they were asking does the little one scream a lot etc. Mum's not mentioned to me that she does when she's there.

I'm sure it will get better - she's boud to get used to the baby being there eventually (?) but I hate seeing her so sad in the meantime and, of course, it has knock on effects on the others.

[Twinkles]

What happens if you don't give sympathy ? Have you tried just chivvying her along ? I ask this because I have a mindee who is now 7 and she will ( and always has ) cry at the drop of a hat if it gets her attention. The more sympathetic you are the more she cries :rolleyes:

Have you tried the ' Oh look baby xxx is really pleased to see you today' ' 'Baby xx thinks you are a special big girl ' Make her think 'baby xxx' adores her, you can't lay it on too thick. It's very hard to dislike someone who thinks you are the bee's knees.

[venus89]

Well, the other mindee (22 months) saved the day today really - he was singing and dancing which got a giggle out of her, so we got out the music toys and had a good old sing and she was fine through that. She came and sat on my knee as we were singing then baby did about 5 mins later - other knee, kept my knees far apart, didn't move the girl or let baby bump her or anything - suddenly she was inconsolable again. The the 22 month old got a lift the flap book and I read it and let each of them take turns in lifting the flaps for each page, thatw was fine. Then baby got up, tripped over a toy car - and she dissolved into floods again.

If I comfort her she just continues to need the comfort - if I could give her a cuddle and she'd trot off and play 5 minutes later there'd be no problem. If I ignore her she continues to cry. I can distract her but it doesn't cheer her up long term.

[katickles]

It sounds exactly what is happening at my house at the mo. I have a lovely mindee that I think the world of, however this last few weeks he has become increasingly upset at the pressence of the baby I also mind.

I have found that while out & about at toddlers etc there isn't a problem but at home it all starts & I think its all down to him being jealous & wanting all my one on one attention.

I am at the moment giving sooooooooo much attention & praise when we don't have the tears & not when we have the tears. Hopefully this week we will see a big improvement.

I know just what your going through at the moment though & its hard to see them so upset isn't it? x

[wendywu]

She wont remember it at all in later life. It is just a stage she is going through. Just be constant and i find talking none stop to them all helps as well.:eek:

You know she is in no danger and no pain, so its all a matter of riding the storm.:)

[childmind04]

hope today is better for you and lets hope is stops soon and you get your happy mindee back :)

[balloon]

hope it improves for you.

[yummymummy]

I had a little girl just like this, was so attention seeking and followed me around all day long, even to the toilet. She hated all other children, wouldn't share, let them sit next to her, go anywhere near her or even accidentally touch her and just seemed to cry for absolutely no reason at all. She cried every morning when left with me but parents not really bothered as they seemed relieved to leave her as she was exactly the same at home. I tried absolutely every strategy going but nothing made an iota of difference, It was one of the most difficult periods I have ever had in childminding. It was only resolved when the family sold up and moved away so I no longer needed to care for her!
So sorry no advice for a miracle cure but just to let you know it's not just you and sometimes there is no solution.

[Mollymop]

I am sorry I can't help, but I wanted to say that I hope she settles soon. x

[venus89]

Thank you all for taking the time to answer. It's a shame there's no miracle cure!! I shall just keep on keeping on and hope we get through it sooner rather than later x

[hillbilly]

I have recently had a very similar situation. P aged 18 month has been with me a while, very happy and settled. No problem when other children joined and at toddler groups etc. But when I had B aged 9 months she went absolutley balistic. Crying constantly whenever B made a sound, repeatedly asking for mummy/daddy. She was so upset it was awful to see her because she wasnt like this around any other children. I asked my network coordinator to come round to see if she could offer any advice, but she said I was doing everything I could....reassurance,cuddles, distraction etc. I spoke to P's mum who stayed with her for a while when dropping her off, but this didnt help either.
Eventually after about 3 weeks, P began to accept B and gradually began to settle. Whenever she asked for mummy/daddy, I replied 'where is mummy?' P would reply 'at work' and I would say ' well there you go then, they will be back soon'. This seemed to work and she now asks for mum/dad less often. All she seemed to need was reassurance that B was nothing to worry about and time to adjust.
She now loves B and asks for her on the days B doesnt come. Because B was part time, I also attended toddler groups where B would be with her mummy, so that P could get used to her being around but not getting any of my attention because her mum was there.

I think just give it time, and give the little one all the cuddles and reassurance she needs.

Hope this helps

Kelly

[venus89]

Thank you Kelly - that's very reassuring. I hate the idea of upsetting this little girl but equally I could do with it working out with the baby.

Thank you x

[zoex]

hiya, i got 2 boys both 2. well one is 2 and 1 is nearly 2. the one i have had the longest got really jelous when the other boy started and his behaviour was really bad. i spoke to mum a few times about it and we both talked to him about the other llittle boy lots and tryed to get him to see him as a friend rather than an someone he didnt like. as my own son is the same age the 1st child had a good friendship with him but when the other child came he i think he felt left out. i just used to say things like x is coming to play with us today, we can play football in the garden when he comes etc so that he would begin to look forward to him coming. well after about 6 weeks it started to work and now they play all together with no trouble at all. hope that helps. :)