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sarah707
07-11-2008, 08:27 AM
I have been talking to one of our members over the last few days about a very sad situation.

She isn't ready to come onto the forum yet and tell everyone, but she has asked if I can pick your brains please.

One of her mums died in her car on the way to collect her children the other day. Her children are 5 and a baby.

The baby keeps looking around for mum, coming for cuddles and looking sad.

The 5 year old needs support and as much help as she can give.

Our member wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation and might have some wisdom to share.

Thank you xx

miffy
07-11-2008, 08:32 AM
Oh how dreadful - it must be so heart-breaking to see the children looking for their mum.

I can't offer any advice but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and even if you don't want to talk about it on the forum I'm glad you're talking to Sarah

Miffy xx

shopshelleyd
07-11-2008, 08:32 AM
Oh that is so awful I am lost for words. I don't have any words of wisdom, would perhaps NCMA if she is a member be able to help, perhaps offer some counselling for her and advice on how to help the children and their family. Sending lots of love and hugs to her and the children's family. xx

sparky
07-11-2008, 08:33 AM
(((((((((( hugs )))))))))) such an awful situation to be in :(

Unfortunately I dont have any words of wisdom to share but had to reply to show my support x

lucytownsend
07-11-2008, 08:34 AM
That is so very sad and upsetting, I can't even begin to imagine what her and that family must be going through.

It might be worth having a word with the dad (or guardian) and asking him how he is answering their questions, as it would be less confusing to have just the one set story, e.g Mummy is in heaven now but she is looking down on you and will always be there for you etc.

He may also give her some ideas on how he copes with them when they are sad.

Otherwise, just give them as much love and support as they need, be sensitive to their sadness and let them grieve.

Hopefully someone else will come along after me too!

Lx

wendywu
07-11-2008, 08:37 AM
JUst lots and lots of love and support. Depends on how long she has had the children and if they are full time or not as to how important she is in their lives. But at least she can be a source of comfort to them:(

Pipsqueak
07-11-2008, 08:37 AM
Oh goodness how terrible, that has bought tears to my eyes.
Don't know what to suggest but massive hugs and love (((((xxxx)))))

Can her development officer, early years team, health visitor, NCMA, doctor advise or offer any support.


BIG BIG hugs

ajs
07-11-2008, 08:40 AM
brought tears to my eyes too

sorry no words of wisdom i was 12 when my father died and he had been very ill so it wasn't unexpected

just to send my love

i am glad though as mffy says that at least you're talking to sarah


big hugs to you and the family concerned

PixiePetal
07-11-2008, 08:40 AM
Thankfully never been in the situation. Love and thoughts to them all.

If you have been minding for some time you will be a constant in their lives and an important person. I am sure you will offer all the support you can and you will need support too from family and friends. Contacting Sarah will give you support from outside the family and counselling would be beneficial when the time is right.
x x x

kindredspirits
07-11-2008, 08:45 AM
i wish i could offer more support - but i've never been in this situation. as others have said, i think keeping the story straight for the 5 year old is very important, poor little mites.
all involved will be in my prayers.
anna xx

Lottie
07-11-2008, 08:45 AM
Oh my goodness... this is tragic. Poor darlings.

I have recently lost a loved one, my cousin who was 28 died in traffic accident on the 28th Sept.

From my own very fresh experience I doubt the Father/guardians are in any 'fit state' emotionally right now. The shock and pain is overwhelming. It maybe that the member should look for some advice on her own, on how to communicate to the little one's, i.e Cruse bereavement - 0844 477 9400. Any information and support she would get she could then pass on to the parent/guardian/family.

In the meantime I would answer any questions, with regards to their Mum in very simple terms, nothing too complicated.

katickles
07-11-2008, 08:48 AM
Oh my gosh thats terrible. I am lost for words as its so sad.

I have never been in a situation any thing like it, so am unable to offer advice, I am sos sorry this has happened to the family though.

Big hugs to everybody involved x x

http://newtickers.bump-and-beyond.com/23/2318/231846.png (http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/)

mum2two
07-11-2008, 08:51 AM
That is so sad. I don't really know what to offer in the way of advice, other than just being there for them, and offering them lots of love and comfort.

The 5 yr old will have lots of questions, that do need to be answered in order for them to be able to get through it, but in simple terms.

I was 17 when I lost my mother figure, and it was unbearable at that age. A 5 year old must be so confused.

Will be thinking of them all.

Kelly xx

crazybones
07-11-2008, 09:02 AM
How incredibly sad. I dont have much advice to give other than when my mum died and Ciaran was 4 (he was incredibly close to my mum - saw her every day) we were just totally honest with every question he asked and encouraged him to speak about her when he wanted to. We put her photo in a prominent position because he started to panic that he couldnt remember her face but could remember her dressing gown. My dad bought all the grandchildren a silver cross and chain and said that it was from Grandma so she could carry on looking after them. What has always worried me was Jamie - who was 6 refused to talk about my mum from from that day onwards.

Its hard to know what advice to give but in my experience I would say just be honest and answer every question so the 5 year old knows its ok to talk about her whenever he wants to and encourage his dad to do the same. Not sure what to advise about the baby. Its so sad.

Polly2
07-11-2008, 09:04 AM
How terrible!

I've not been through anything so awful so have no advice sorry just wanted to let you know I care and we are here whenever she wants to talk xx

LittleMissSparkles
07-11-2008, 09:09 AM
Sending my love to you, so so sad for the children and the family xxx

berkschick
07-11-2008, 09:14 AM
How sad, poor children.

I dont really know what advice to offer.

I hope she os ok though.

peabo_84
07-11-2008, 09:16 AM
I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling, sorry I don't have any advice.

You are in my thoughts, my love to you, the children and their father.

Peabo_84

Blaze
07-11-2008, 09:20 AM
How old is the baby? I might be able to help..when C was in reception a classmate's Dad died unexpectantly & the youngest sibling was just a wee thing...will give the Mum a call later. Very sad.:(

HFC
07-11-2008, 09:21 AM
I would imagine missing mum would only be a small part of it for the kids just now. It will be how everyone around them is grieving that will be affecting them more than anything. Everyone will be falling apart which will be very confusing for the little ones.

The best thing she can do is to be calm emotionally and try to keep a tiny bit of normality for the kids. Give cuddles and let them know why people are upset, let them know its okay to be upset and that it will get better. Suggest to dad/grandparents that a grief counselor would be good for the kids - they are far better trained to deal with it than us. My friends daughter passed away earlier this year and she takes her 2 younger children to a family centre where they made 'happy boxes' which hold good memories of their sister etc.

Most of all she just needs to support the family with their wishes.

Good luck

Bevbeetle
07-11-2008, 09:25 AM
oh that is terrible the poor family also poor minder when my gran died my son was terrible and went into school and asked them what to do they suggested a memory box he carrid it every where for months but it worked.

devoncm
07-11-2008, 09:26 AM
How horrible for you and the family.

Dont really know what to say,

When my grandad died and i had to tell my children, they were 7 and 3 then, i tried to explain that the angels needed him in heaven and that their little brother could see how well he looked after the girls he wanted grandad to go and look after him.
I told them that although he is not here for them to see he will always be watching and be very proud of them. We still now say good morning and goodnight and its been a over a year.
I think as they get older and accept their mum has gone they will probably ask more questions about it.

I would check with a family member if not dad for what to say as some may think its not your place or may think it easier on them if you say something but you dont want to say one thing then someone else say something it will be more confusion for them.

hth

Blaze
07-11-2008, 09:31 AM
http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_b/275-3072511-0876265?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=sad+isn%27t+bad+elf+books

This is a great book.

Rasharoon
07-11-2008, 09:39 AM
So so sad.
We had a Mum at the local school who died near enough a year ago of toxic shock syndrome leaving behind 3 children (the youngest wasn't quite a year old).
The children go to a childminding friend. The youngest is too young to understand but is always looking at pictures of his Mum, while the daughter (I believe is 7 or 8) understandably still gets upset. They have the continuity and I suppose it all takes time of going through the grieving process.
Such a tragic situation. Please send lots of hugs.

Twinkles
07-11-2008, 09:42 AM
What a sad situation. I don't have words to help but I will keep them in my prayers.

Mollymop
07-11-2008, 09:44 AM
I am so sorry to hear this. I have never been in this type of situation before, but I can imagine it must be a very terrible time for you and of course the children you look after.
My prayers are with the family at this sad time.xxxxx

Hugs and kisses to you xxx

Saranotts
07-11-2008, 09:45 AM
I unfortunately haven't got any words of wisdom to pass on, as I think it has all been covered but I do want to say that this family and minder are in my thoughts and I hope, that they are able to get the help they need in this awful time.

Sara

Pauline
07-11-2008, 09:46 AM
Not been in this situation, the only similar one what when my sister in law died and left my brother with 3 children 8, 5 and 3

I suggest you phone some kind of breavement councellor, you can do it privately and don't have to give your name, they would give you some helpful advice and details of other agencies you might be able to contact.

Have a look at the Cruse website, thank might help too:

http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

yummymummy
07-11-2008, 09:50 AM
What a tragic situation, the whole family need counselling asap, my best friend died of breast cancer and was so brave in fact too brave, she hid it from her children together with her husband. When things were bad the children were told mummy was ill but were unaware until the day she died that this was likely to happen. There have been problems since as nothing was talked about, no real farewells etc. I saw a television programme which was about the wonderful but heartbreaking work that is done helping children with the grieving and acceptance process after a parent has died. I cried the whole way through it but it so helped the families. Hopefully this family will have been offered this kind of support or perhaps you could make discreet enquiries if it is available and suggest it. I know it is such a hard time, I went through it with my friends family, wanting to help but not overtake or overstep the mark.
I hope you can be of support to them and I am sure you yourself must be upset and shocked too. Thinking of you all.

loocyloo
07-11-2008, 09:56 AM
sending love and prayers to this family and their childminder and everyone involved.

no advice, except my father was killed in a road accident before i was born, and my mum has always had a photo of my father around, and we have always talked about him. so i don't know any different.

i think the idea of making memory boxes with the children and for the baby, with their memories now, and memories from other people, would be lovely. although hard and emotional to do so now.

hugs to everyone.

loocyloo xxx

cuddlybunny38
07-11-2008, 10:07 AM
I also would suggest treasure basket, I have one after my parents were killed ina car crash,( I was 36 when they died though) or a scrap book of photos and memories or letters fron the 5 year old of his memories/ feelings. Also try to work along side other parent/ gaurdian incase they dont want this. Also does the minder need to see a grief counsceller(sp) she would of had a relationship with the mum and have her own grief to deal with ontop of the childrens. She may not be able to have time off to grieve as you would if you worked else where. My thoughts are with her if she needs someone else to chat to she can pm me.

sue m
07-11-2008, 10:07 AM
Just to say the family and everyone involved are in my thoughts, what a tragic thing to happen. Thinking of you all. x x x

Ripeberry
07-11-2008, 10:14 AM
What an awfull situation to be in. Those poor children and father and of course the CM.
Could have easily happened to me a couple of years ago, was on my way to pick up my eldest daughter from the childminder and some :censored: old man pulled out from a side road right in front of me and i had to swerve very wide to avoid him.
Shook me up a bit and my CM made me sit down and have a cup of tea before she would let me drive back home.
(((((Hugs))))))) for all involved :(

Blaze
07-11-2008, 10:16 AM
Just tried to call & the number no longer works...sorry...some great suggestions been given though...some websites that might be of interest.

http://www.wihb.scot.nhs.uk/Palliative%20care/children%20&%20bereavement.pdf (second page specifically)

http://www.childbereavement.org.uk/for_schools/children_s_understanding_of_death

cal
07-11-2008, 10:17 AM
This is so sad.
I lost my first husband when my eldest son was 18mnths old.
We always talked about daddy and had photos around, my son would walk round carrying a photo of the three of us together.
It was difficult, but we took one day at a time and dealt with anything as it arose.
My thoughts are with all involved
Love Carolyn x

sharons
07-11-2008, 10:32 AM
How very sad it has brought a tear to my eye no advice but thinking of you keep smilling for the children.

miss mopple
07-11-2008, 10:33 AM
How heartbreaking.

My thoughts and prayers are with everybody involved

xxx

samgeordie
07-11-2008, 10:36 AM
im really sorry I have no advice as i have never dealt with a situation like this, however I just had to reply and say my thoughts are with the family and also the childminder at this time, terribly sad.

Mags
07-11-2008, 10:36 AM
How very sad. I have never been in a situation like this so can't really offer any advice as such. The family are going to need as much love and support as possible and the childminder is probably going through lot's of emotions herself too..it's good that she is talking to Sarah.


Thinking of you all.x

angeldelight
07-11-2008, 10:53 AM
How very sad. I have never been in a situation like this so can't really offer any advice as such. The family are going to need as much love and support as possible and the childminder is probably going through lot's of emotions herself too..it's good that she is talking to Sarah.


Thinking of you all.x


I agree

Thinking of you all at this sad time

I would imagine it would be good for the children to be around their family also - dad - nan and grandad - aunts - cousins - they will all feel their loss to and be able to support each other

Give our love

Angel xx

Minstrel
07-11-2008, 10:53 AM
This is so awful to hear. I'm sorry i'm not able to help with any experience but love and prayers go to your and mindees and families xxx

deeb66
07-11-2008, 11:24 AM
Like many others I am afraid I am not able to help.

I know that I am still struggling after loosing my mum last year and I am 42!.....

Goodness knows how you help children of that age cope and come to terms with this.

Sending lots of love & hugs

Dee
xxx

jellytot
07-11-2008, 11:27 AM
hi sending lots of love and hugs to all affected by this awful loss.

i dont know if this has been said but when my dad died i found a fantastic charity called winstons wish. they had fantastic ideas for the children to help with their greif. they are aimed at chldren and will have some really nice things for you to do with the 5yr old.

childmind04
07-11-2008, 11:37 AM
No ideas sorry but wanted to let you know i am thinking of you and the family involved, hope you all get the support you need to help you through this awful time

Susan
xx

ruby
07-11-2008, 11:50 AM
this is terrible haven't been in this situation so can't offer any advise i am afraid but wanted you to know that you and the family will be in our prayers


cathy

tulip0803
07-11-2008, 11:50 AM
I am very sorry for everyone involved in this really tragic time.

As Claire said http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/

Is great they have info for parents and carers which may help and a helpline to ring

I hope they all get the help they will obviously need X

hello kitty
07-11-2008, 12:00 PM
What a terribly sad and shocking thing to happen. I feel truly sorry for all involved. At least with the children continuing to go to the minder there is some semblance of a routine which must be a comfort for them.

Thinking of you all at this sad time. xx

kez
07-11-2008, 12:03 PM
im very sorry to hear this news x x x those poor children, i have never been in this situation, but all you can do is be there for support it will mean more to them now then anything, Again ask the ather if she he has explained to the older child??? and ask the older children if they want to talk about there feeling, maybe draw how they are feeling as its better to let there emotions out, I hope you l the best in this situation x x x my thought are with you and the family x x x

Hebs
07-11-2008, 12:46 PM
My friend was killed by a drunk driver last year (along wiht her partner and her 2 very young sons) however her 7 year old son survived the crash (you might remember this being all over the news).
He is living with his grandparents how said the best thing for him was to keep his daily routine and answer his questions truthfully.
he still (and always will) miss his mum and brothers but it does get easier,

big hugs to you all

haribo
07-11-2008, 12:57 PM
thank you all so much it is truly humbling to see all your replies, i hardly ever post but read everything on here and the support is tremendous. i only look after the 17 month old , the 5 yr old goes to school and nan picks him up. ive minded the baby since she was 7 months old in fact it was a year to the day on monday that we started. she is amazing,we have a very special bond anyway and since the accident on monday shes been here everyday, just me ad her as my other full time mum wanted to give me time to help in any way i am needed. to be honest she is fine but sometimes i see a look on her face and she goes very still and i know she is thinking of mum she must just be wondering where the heck she is, then she smiles and hugs me really tight. she fel asleep on me just now ad shes lying next to me here so i grabbed the chance to come on here. the little boy is in school now and dad said he is really proud of how hes been , he knows she isnt coming back(as much as he can understand at least ,and he tells people that its very sad but it wll get better,hes a clever little lad and dad and family are really close so hopefully they will get through it together. i was very close to mum shes the most supportive mum i ever minded for, very considerate thats why when it got past her usual time i did begin to wonder,but you dont think for a minute that its going to happen. like i said to sarah,only fellow minders would understand really as were in such a unique situation with our families. thanks for listening it really helped to let you all know, although i am all too aware that its upsetting to hear about it even not knowing the family x love to you all and thanks i will let you know how everyone is getting on x

cherry
07-11-2008, 01:08 PM
Oh love, my heart goes out to you.

I can't give any advice but just wanted to say that the family are very lucky that you are there for them and of course we will be here for you.

Sending you hugs :group hug:

ajs
07-11-2008, 01:17 PM
i've had a rubbish day but am sitting here crying at this

i hope you are ok haribo take care of yourself too

LOOPYLISA
07-11-2008, 01:17 PM
Im lost for words, how very sad, just wanted to send lots of love x

mrsbumbles
07-11-2008, 01:33 PM
I am sitting here with tears running down my face.

I cannot put in words how sad i feel for this young family.

I hope everyone can remain strong for the children, you and the family will be in my thoughts at this sad time.

Its really does make you think about the strong connections we make with our mindees and their families, and how they become like an extended family members

Be strong, big hugs xxxxxx

kiddiwinks
07-11-2008, 01:39 PM
How sad, don't really know what to say but My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

manjay
07-11-2008, 01:39 PM
I can not even begin to imagine what you and the family must be going through. I would just say carry on doing what you are doing. The baby is obviously very comfartable with you and you will be helping the family more than you will ever know.

My heart goes out to all involved xx

LittleMissSparkles
07-11-2008, 01:51 PM
lots of love been sent you way Haribo xxxx

haribo
07-11-2008, 01:57 PM
i didnt want to make anyone cry, thats why i hesitated to post but the support is amazing,i can almost feel the hugs. the baby is still fast asleep next to me,she is beautiful and mum was so proud of the two of them and a wonderful mum. i feel overwelmed almost by the fact that im here caring for her baby and she cant be . i know you will all know better than anyone who isnt a childminder how that feels .thanks so much for listening xx

Mollymop
07-11-2008, 02:09 PM
HAribo - we are all here for you hun. Lots of love and kisses and don't feel too upset about looking after the children when mum can't - as mum choose you to look after them and that you care and love them.

emler
07-11-2008, 02:10 PM
So sorry to hear your news Haribo. The family are in my thoughts & prayers & of course sending love & hugs to you xx

jmoff
07-11-2008, 02:18 PM
Oh my word how dreadful!
My thoughts are with the family!

I agree with what has been said, I lost my father when I was 9, we never really talked about him much and I dont remember much about him, I wish we had! It feels still very raw for my mum even though it happened 20 years ago.
A memory box is a lovely idea! And def grief councellor!

Jx

Pipsqueak
07-11-2008, 02:36 PM
Here for you if you needs us - today and every day. What a truly tragic event.

Thinking of you and the family (((xxx)))

Hebs - I do remember the family you are saying about - the accident happened not far from where I am if I remember correctly.
Hope the little boy is doing well

flora
07-11-2008, 02:50 PM
What an awfull situation to be in Haribo, sending you lots of love and big hugs xxx

Great advice already given, my frined use to work with terminally ill children and one thing they do for parents is the memory boxes but also quilts.

The child clothes are made into a patchwork quilt. Each peice of fabric represented something special for the parent. One little boy loved tractors and so the pic on the quilt was a tractor. Alllie said it brought a lot of comfort to the parents.

childmind04
07-11-2008, 02:57 PM
glad you have posted, this has made me cry but only because of the love and care you are continuing to give this family, it is truly humbling :(

Susan

Ellen
07-11-2008, 03:02 PM
Hi sorry to her about the children's mum

How must they be feeling? And of course yourself

My children lost their grandad and I was given a little book from the funeral directors called Drangonflies and waterbeetles. I have found the story here hope it helps http://www.seniorsapprove.com/dragonfly.html[/URL]

Love Ellen XXX

Blaze
07-11-2008, 03:08 PM
Hugs to you Haribo...allow yourself to grieve too....we're all here for you.:group hug:

louise
07-11-2008, 03:32 PM
I have no advice. Just want to send my love. Sorry everything i go to write doesn't sound right.

jaz
07-11-2008, 03:39 PM
Not sure what to say, but just know that we are all here to offer what support we can. My mil died just over a year ago, and I remember a saying

'we never lose the ones we love, for love itself lives on'

Big hugs to you and the family at this really difficult time.

J
x

Monkey1
07-11-2008, 03:58 PM
Oh Sarah, thats terrible! I will pm you when i have finished work hun. I have had a similar situation with one of my mindees so i know what she is going through

nannysue
07-11-2008, 04:05 PM
I can only echo what others have said, i'm so sorry and i send you all my love and support. My thoughts are also with the family. Love Sue x

beerheaven
07-11-2008, 04:09 PM
What incredibly sad news. I think it may have already been mentioned but Winstons Wish is a wonderful charity which hopefully can provide support for both the family and you through the difficult times ahead.
Thinking of you all.

miss muffit
07-11-2008, 04:52 PM
How very sad, i lost my parents when i was 47yrs and that was devastating enough.

How does a child cope with the thought of not seeing their Mum again, bless them the little darlings x

and love and best wishes to this lovely caring childminder,

i have a lovely childrens book called Always and Forever by Alan Durant,

" have your handkerchief ready for this beautifully judged story about the death of fox"

" A wonderful and moving story that explains death gently"

xx

Hebs
07-11-2008, 05:09 PM
Hebs - I do remember the family you are saying about - the accident happened not far from where I am if I remember correctly.
Hope the little boy is doing well


It was on the A1, we were all stunned by Paula's death cos you don't think people your own age die i mean she wasn't even 30 years old,
Her son is doing amaingly well, he has had councilling to help him understand what happened as he lost entire family :( but it's amazing how they cope with situations that adults struggle with, i'm sure these 2 little ones will come through with fond memories of their mother, all my wishes go to you all at this VERY sad time
xxxxxxxxxx

Donkey
07-11-2008, 05:41 PM
Haribo - I am so very sorry to hear that you are going through this.
To leave her precious children when they are both still so tiny themselves is truly heartbreaking.

I can't offer any real life experience, just advice on what I would do if faced with a similar situation (heaven forbid)

I know you are not looking after the little boy, but I would advise speaking with the nan and the little boys school to see how he is handling it when they are with them and to offer support so that the same things are being said to both children.

how about asking the dad for some pictures of mum if he can (this might upset him) so that the little one can remember their mum.

Other than that, the 'normal' routine, although their lives will not be 'normal' for some time.

lastly get yourself some grief counselling, the shock will have hit you hard too.

My thoughts are with you all at this sad time.

Love and Hugs,

Joy

wellybelly
07-11-2008, 06:00 PM
NCH action for children offer support and advice for this very situation. Its free too. I would advise you to get in touch and talk to someone as a childminder and perhaps get them to get in touch with the dad re the children. They have support workers specifically for children in this situation.

mandy moo
07-11-2008, 06:24 PM
My best friends mum died when we were 16, no words of wisdom or anything, sorry, just hugs
My thought are with you all

emler
07-11-2008, 06:27 PM
I posted earlier but since then I have found a couple of websites which may be helpful -

www.winstonswish.org.uk

www.richmondshope.org.uk

There are some nice ideas for memory boxes and advice on dealing with bereavement. Sending hugs your way xx

Hannahlg
07-11-2008, 06:32 PM
Hiya so said to here about your loss

we look after a little boy who is 3 and half and his mum killed herself (had postnaol derpressing) but this was before the little started coming to us he start about 4 weeks after it happend. The little boy took a while to get his head around what happend to mum. one day he asked him dad if his mummy was dead and he just told him stright that she was and that she wasnt coming back and thats she is in haven and he has been so much better senice he knows she is not coming back he is so much happyer now

i think the best thing is to to work with dad to in keeping the childs rountine in place and to talk about what to say to the child when she starts to ask about where mum is ( when she starts to talk etc)

Rubybubbles
07-11-2008, 07:48 PM
sending you big hugs hun.


Last Jan my friend died in a car crash leaving a 4 yr old and a under 2. It was very hard, but I am pleased to say a year on the children are doing brilliantly and the most important thing dad has kept strong is not to forget the people we love who are no longer with us. The younegst child was christened last month and on his cake was a tribute to his mum, wheleing up thinking about it.

We are here if you need us babes
xxx

Malark
07-11-2008, 09:16 PM
How very sad for everyone. Sending you big hugs xxxxxx

bubbles
07-11-2008, 09:55 PM
This is so sad. Emotions will all be so raw for everyone with it only just having happened. When my mum died last year it was very sudden and was hard for my son. He was almost 4 and she looked after him everyday for me whilst i went to work. I think he found seeing me and my dad upset the most difficult thing. All i would say is to take one day at a time and keep loving and supporting the baby the way you are doing Haribo. And make sure you are getting some support for yourself as well as not only will you be greiving yourself but i'm sure its emotionally draining on you trying to keep things as normal as possible for the little one.

My thoughts are with Haribo and the family involved. x

haribo
07-11-2008, 10:18 PM
Thanks everyone,it is a real support,and to hear tales of other tragedies gives me hope that this family will find strength in each other and people around them xx

carolinel
07-11-2008, 11:54 PM
so, so, awful. you are all in my thoughts. i just cannot comprehend how anyone copes with something like this.

it's just so sad. you know where we are haribo any time you want to offload.

xx

Shirlwith3
08-11-2008, 08:30 AM
Just wanted send loads & loads of hugs to you & your mindees family.

I am sat here like everyone else crying then thinking of when my gran died my oldest was 4yrs old, he kept thinking when every went out the house they were not coming back, we just kept reasuring him that they were coming back.

:group hug:

emmadines
08-11-2008, 11:19 AM
Im sorry about whats happened and am sorry that I dont really have any words of advice.
I can only surggest maybe doing a memory book for the elder one ask for some photos, info on fav things, trips they went on etc?

Loads of hugs and good luck!

makes you realise how fragile we are really doesnt it!?

marion123
08-11-2008, 11:56 AM
im very sorry to hear this news x x x those poor children and husband i just dont know what to say my children 14 and 18 and my husband were in a road traffic accident on thurdsay night they were involved with three other cars when i got the call i went in to shock as i didnt know there injures my emotions were all over the place thankful they are fine just cuts and bruises i feel for the children and everyone in there family so very very sad a memory box is a good idea thinking of them and the childminder at this sad time

Heaven Scent
08-11-2008, 02:49 PM
I know a minder here in my Town who has been in exactly the same situation - I'll speak to her about this sorry for the delay in replying as I said in another thread - not been at all well for last couple of days so not logged on - I've not read the whole thread yet just the first post - I don't know a lot about the situation I just know that the mother died relly soon after having the baby - the minder was already looking after the older brother (-not sure if there is more than 1 older brother) but I do know it was a real shock for the minder as the mum died suddenly over the week-end and the dad arrived on Monday as usual to drop the children off and only told her then. I'm afraid I don't know much more I'm sure if the minder involved PM'd me her phone number S would be more than happy to speak to her - she used to be the support minder for this town until cheshire did away with them. = i'll wait and see what the other minder wants to do before I speak to Sally. - I don't want to appear all sensationalist - if I don't hear anything before Tuesday I'll have a quiet word with Sally when I meet her at the minder group and post here when I get back.

teacake2
08-11-2008, 04:29 PM
My thoughts and wishes go out to everyone involved in this. A few years ago I looked after a brother and sister aged 3 and 18 months, their father had been killed in a work related accident when the youngest was just 6 weeks old so he never knew his dad but the oldest one could remember him. They were fantastic well adjusted kids and their Mum put it down to keeping them in a routine,being honest with them about what had happened, talking about dad and having supportive friends and family about. Also a couple of years ago I was looking after a 3 year old whose Dad died after breaking his leg and infection getting in, again the family concerned relied heavily on support from friends and family, keeping to routine and openly talking about wha had happened. (I feel terrible writing this as it seems like I am jinxed and that something horrible happens to my mindees all the time, but the other 100+ families I have been involved in are fine as far as I know:eek: :eek: ).
There was also an incident at the local school where one of the boys died at school of an asthma attack, again support played a large role in the family's attempt of coping.
I hope that in time all of you can come to terms with the loss and that life will get better in time.
Teacake2

breezy
08-11-2008, 07:12 PM
love to you and the children haribo, give yourself time to grieve x

son77
08-11-2008, 08:24 PM
Sorry to hear your news haribo.

Im sure you will be a great support to the family, probably without even knowing it.

Bigs hugs xxx

jessie1
09-11-2008, 11:24 AM
Like everyone else this has brought tears to my eyes and frustration as well as when these accidents happens the innocent lives that gets taken away and leaving the loved ones and even young ones behind. I also cried few weeks ago when one whole family got killed including 20 month old and 10 week old babies.

But my main reason is for the kids as my brother passed away unexpected when his one daughter was 2 years old and his baby daughter was 2 months old. His 1st born is 5 now and she is still waiting for daddy to come from heaven. Because I live in England I can never talk to her on the phone as she refuse to speak to anyone on the phone as Daddy used to call her every morning and if the phone rings and its not daddy she still screams and cries and throw the phone. So best is councelling. I would have thought that 2 year old wont remember but they do.

All my love for the little ones and hugs to you in support.

Cazz
10-11-2008, 12:29 PM
Not been on for a couple of days so I've only just seen this. I'm so sorry to hear about this tragedy and am sitting here in tears too - I can tell that you're a very special person and will give immense support to this poor family. I'm sure the baby is comforted by having you to give her hugs and love. It's just unimaginable that this sort of thing happens and it's just not fair on the poor children is it?

What a lovely other parent too to be willing to allow you to focus on the baby that needs you so much.

Can't really give any advice as I'm lucky to have never been in this sort of situation but I just want to send you, the children and their dad big hugs and lots of love.

Carole x

samd35
10-11-2008, 12:37 PM
Sorry to hear about this. Sending lots of love.

x

Andrea08
10-11-2008, 12:43 PM
how very sad and i send my love and light a candle for you all.

DCSF must have information to support families im sure i got a new poster from them but it doesn't mention this subject sorry ,

CIS should have contact links to services in your local area ,
i also did a counciling course so your LA might also have notes on simular ?

very sorry if that not much help and i wish you the very best through this difficult time (((((hug))))) x

Cazz
10-11-2008, 12:46 PM
Just wanted to add something else - I've been feeling quite sorry for myself today as I've had toothache all weekend and I can't get a dentist appointment until tomorrow morning. I came on here to try and take my mind off it and as I mentioned catch up on the threads for the last few days.

I've just been up to fetch my 10 month old baby who woke from her nap and as I walked in she gave me a huge smile and said "mummy". I immediately cried again and gave her a big hug as I was thinking of this poor mum who won't get the chance to do this with her own "babies" again.

Anyway, I'm not going to be selfish anymore and be grateful that I'm here to enjoy my own children - the other two will get a big hug and kiss when they get home from school too (my son will be disgusted but there you go!).

Please give that little one a hug from me too x

Carole x

merry
10-11-2008, 01:46 PM
I'm so sorry Haribo, what tragic news, my heart goes out to your mindees and family, and to you too.

merry

chantelbutterwo
10-11-2008, 01:54 PM
What an awful situation.

I know the NSPCC has some online resources for beravement.

Why not help the 5 year old to make up a memory box, fill it with pictures and help write down some good memories.

Sorry can't be more helpful.

zoex
10-11-2008, 02:06 PM
oh im so sorry to hear this. it is just awful!

big hug.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nicki L
10-11-2008, 06:41 PM
How terrible - those poor children.

I am lost for words and have shed a tear.

I havent been in this situation so dont have any words of wisdom. Just wanted to show my support.

My thoughts are with all concerned.

haribo
11-11-2008, 01:44 PM
just to say i have read every one of your posts and am so grateful for the support, it means a lot that you have taken the time to answer ,even just to say youre thinking of us and sending good wishes. the advice given has been great too,i have told dad about winstons wish and have visited the site myself and am going to get two memory boxes,one for each child, that they can fill in with dad. the children are doing okay,the little boy has gone back to school and is talking to his dad a lot, the little one i mind has been her usual happy self really, maybe a touch more clingy and wanting hugs but she knows me very well i have minded her for 12 months she was 7 months old and even though i cannot replace mum i think we have a close bond and thats what she needs right now. its very early days but i feel more positive about their future, dad adores them and is great with them and they will get through it together. i miss mum a lot ad its little things like the way we arranged things,what she left here etc its hard to get used to , she was very easy to deal with and so supportive. i still have a card on my telly she brought me after ofsted had been , with a big box of chocs,thats what she was like.i will let you know how things are going , thanks to you all again xx

oneofeach
11-11-2008, 01:57 PM
Not logged on in a few days and only just read this.

How sad.

I am sat here in tears.

I can't offer any advice but just wanted to send my love to all concerned.

Helen Dempster
11-11-2008, 06:16 PM
Oh my god, that is awful, how very sad. I've not been in that situation, and hope I never will be! I think there's some sound advice that's already been given though - just loads of TLC, let them talk about their mum, don't make it into a taboo subject - try and keep her alive in their minds. Maybe make a little book with pictures of her, and memories etc? It may be too early for that, but... Just be sensitive to their emotions, they're probably very confused little people right now.

Lots of hugs and best wishes.

Helen xx

cuffleygirl
11-11-2008, 06:21 PM
Same as everyone else - can't begin to imagine how it feels, can't offer advice but can and wanted to say thinking of all - hugs

Sarahbelle
11-11-2008, 08:36 PM
How incredibly sad. I dont have much advice to give other than when my mum died and Ciaran was 4 (he was incredibly close to my mum - saw her every day) we were just totally honest with every question he asked and encouraged him to speak about her when he wanted to. We put her photo in a prominent position because he started to panic that he couldnt remember her face but could remember her dressing gown. My dad bought all the grandchildren a silver cross and chain and said that it was from Grandma so she could carry on looking after them. What has always worried me was Jamie - who was 6 refused to talk about my mum from from that day onwards.

Its hard to know what advice to give but in my experience I would say just be honest and answer every question so the 5 year old knows its ok to talk about her whenever he wants to and encourage his dad to do the same. Not sure what to advise about the baby. Its so sad.

I agree. I lost my father in may and my children who are 9 and 12 really struggled emotionally with this and are still a bit up and down now. I put a picture of my dad in the living room and encouraged them to talk about him whenever they wanted even though I found it upsetting. Its good to cry and let it out.

Im sending all my love and hugs to this family.

madasahatter
11-11-2008, 09:02 PM
My condolences and thoughts with all concerned. A truly heartbreaking situation. You seem to be dealing with everything very well Haribo. I am sure the family really appreciate your support :hug: