View Full Version : can you give me your advice please?

20-01-2008, 08:51 AM

I came on this site recently to ask your advice.

Here's the situation. I would be grateful if you could read and give me your advice.

I've started nannying for a friend of mine, for her two children. I have two of my own.

I drop my eldest and her eldest at nursery (4 years), my son is there part time hers is there full time.

I have a one year old and look after her baby during the day.

My friends eldest son who I will call Jack is a complete nightmare. The minute I get there he's screaming, jumping off furniture, completely ignores me.

He goes to nursery and zones in and picks on one child. I then have to be the one telling him no, don't do it. THe parents have already complained about Jack to the nursery and are subsequently leaving soon.

He's in trouble on a daily basis at nursery, hitting children, kicking, ignoring the staff.

He got hold of my baby by the nose which I wasn't happy about.:panic:

He's punched my son and they are not the best of friends. He's now being referred to a specialist for his behaviour.

My eldest son has had a hard time in terms of his behaviour was quite bad, and he is now coming through the other side and is doing so well at nursery I am so proud of him!:clapping: But I don't want this child having a bad effect on my son.

When I originally took this job I was pushed into a corner by my friend as I didn't want to do full time but three days, I knew it would be a nightmare.

So she didn't go to find a childminder for the other two days, again making me feel like I had to do the full week.

To cut a long story short ; I am not sure this is for me, I am struggling to cope with Jack, he is so demanding, to the point where I want to run away and hide from him.

However as my friend has so many things going on, she's working FT not happy at home, I feel I have become a bit of an agony aunt and now am lumbered with her two full time.

I want to either tell her to cut the hours down, or maybe I should tell her it's not for me full stop.

I run my own part time business which I am now turning clients away from as I have this job. What I earn in a week doing this I could earn in 5 hours work.

I must stress I haven't done this for the money, I am very much a stay at home mum with my children and did little work in my business just to make ends meet. I also did this job to help her out as I have been a nanny previously.

A family member is severly ill and we have a lot of worry with this too.

It's just too much for me but I don't know where to start with my friend. She doesn't listen at the best of times it's in one ear and out of the other.

Can anyone please suggest what I can do?

Thanks so much for reading this.

20-01-2008, 09:30 AM
you have to sit down and talk to your 'friend' about how you feel and about Jake's behaviour, ifyou are really unhappy you cannot keep doing this, you are making yourself unhappy andyour children too asit soundlike it affecting them. I hope it hasnt put you off not every experienceis that bad.... were you thinkin gof childminding or was this a one off nanny job?

You need to speak to her, let us know what you decide to do xxx

20-01-2008, 09:49 AM
I have decided that I am going to speak to her, I spoke to my DH to see if he has noticed a difference in me and he says I am worn out and I am "short" with my children,I would say to that I am less patient with them which is a real shame, I think this is due to the tiredness.

I am going to suggest that I have them 3 days a week. Although I seem to be coping 5 days is too exhausting.

I just haven't got the energy for a child of this nature, altho he is lovely at times he is mostly draining.

Thanks for your reply it is helpful xxx

20-01-2008, 11:12 AM
Oh i'm sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time.

I would talk to the friend, explain that you can not care for these children in a way that is needed as you are feeling it all to difficult. You have as you said your children & business to take care of.

Try & suggest that she uses a local childminder instead of you. You could always get a list of local childminders & give this to her.

At the end of the day if this friend is a friend, she should have no problems with you for saying that you can't cope with it all!

Hope you get things sorted soon.:o

20-01-2008, 04:59 PM
Just catching up

Sorry to hear things are not too good with the little boy - think of yourself and yes speak to your friend

Hope you work it all out let us know how it goes with her

Angel xx

20-01-2008, 06:43 PM
I think you have to put your family first. If you don't need to do this for financial reasons then it's not worth disrupting your own children and exhausting yourself in the process. Explain that you are finding it all too much and then offer to help her find a local childminder. Make it clear that you aren't abandoning her but will still be there to talk to when she needs you.
Good luck with this but remember life is too short to be doing something that you are not enjoying.

21-01-2008, 09:46 AM
I am going to speak to her today about doing 3 days a week, although today is the most depressing day of the year so maybe I will leave it til tomorrow.xxx

21-01-2008, 09:53 AM
Just catching up - hope you manage to speak to your friend and get things sorted

Miffy xx

21-01-2008, 10:58 AM
Sorry I missed this...hope you got it all sorted in the end.

21-01-2008, 11:40 AM
I will speak to her today or tomorrow, see how I feel and if the right time arises. Having a great day so far kids been fine, thanks for your support!

21-01-2008, 01:03 PM
Let us know how you got on...

She is lucky to have you as a friend!

You have to put your family first and I am sure she will understand .
Good luck


Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
21-01-2008, 03:47 PM
Just catching up have you spoken to your friend yet.

Let us know how it goes.

Lorraine xx

21-01-2008, 06:29 PM
have just put a new thread on as I am paranoid my friend may be reading this!

Going to speak later

jo f
21-01-2008, 06:34 PM
It sounds like you are very good friends,

You are worried about her and what impacts any change will have on her, but it sounds like you are a busy bee too. You have to think of yourself and the impact on your chid and you.
Its difficult when its friends- I have been in situations with a friend too.:(