Potty training

[cuffleygirl]

Any suggestions welcome
I have a 2 3/4 year old boy who continually wets himself at my house (the sofa and the floor by the toy box are favourites), he won't tell me that he needs the toilet/potty. If I take him or even suggest that he may need a wee he throws a tantrum and doesn't want to be interupted in his play. I take him regularly to the potty but even 9 months on he won't tell me. He won't tell anyone at nursery either but he can hang on for 2 and a half hours, he wears belted trousers and can't take himself.

His father says he is perfectly fine at home, his mother says he has accidents, and won't tell other members of the family either. I've suggested treats/bribes tracksuit trousers. I am happy to support potty training but think possibly I am doing it on their behalf.
There is another baby on the way in three months and I am sure this is at the root of the problem. But having had three changes of trousers today and a wet sofa again I am tired of having him wee in my home.

What should I do?

[Pauline]

I've moved this to the minding area as you will get more replies than in forum information. :)

I think it is possible that this little one is enjoying the power and is attention seeking. At that age they often don't have much contol over what happens to them, they are told to do this and that. But he is in full control with this, has you worrying about him, trying to get him to use the toilet, getting you to clean the sofa etc.

He is probably testing all the possible boundaries, seeing what he can control and what he can't.

I would suggest to mum that you want to start using trainer pants to keep your furniture and carpets safe, it's not fair for them to be spoilt.

Then try asking him on a regular basis, if he refuses just leave it and walk away, he will soon get the messages that it is not worth the hassle as it is not getting him any attention.

It might take time but it should work, I've had little ones like this.

I also think the iminent new baby could be something to do with it, perhaps he is picking up that something new is happening and is feeling stressed.

[singlewiththree]

maybe he isnt ready? My niece is the same we tried to toilet train my daughter and her at the same time and mine is fine but she continually wets herself and everything around her as well as using the potty, my sister has decided to wait a couple of months, is that an option?

[sue m]

I agree Paula. I have a little boy the same age and he wears pull ups and I say to him very nicely, tell Sue when you need a wee and he just never ever does. I have tried putting him on the potty every now and again during the day and he will do a thimble full and I clap and say what a good boy and he gets a sticker but he still does it in his pulls ull the time. I've given up even mentioning it now and will try again in a few weeks. At least he isn't in pants or I would be upset!!!

[cuffleygirl]

I remind him that he may need the toilet as he won't ask, but his parents have asked that I don't do that as he should be able to ask any of his responsible adults to use the potty, but he doesn't. Its my home so I have reverted to reminding for the sake of my sofa, they say they will with-hold a treat at home if he wets at my house (I have no idea if this is followed through obviously).

His father says he is potty trained and his mother says there are regular accidents. I feel that the whole thing is inconsistent and don't know where to go from here. The child throws a paddy if the potty is in the toilet and not in the lounge. I have suggested tracksuit trousers so he can take a little control of the event, but he still comes dressed in smart belted trousers, his parents take his trousers down for him.

I have had enough of having my home used in this way, but feel determined to crack it.

Am I being unreasonable?

[sue m]

Very inconsistent! I don't think you're being unreasonable not wanting wee all over your lounge and furniture, I certainly don't. My mindee never tells me he needs a wee as I said before and I have just ignored it and have decided (myself lol) that he's not ready. If he was he would say he needed a wee surely? The parents did mention on Friday that they have had him in 'proper pants' at home but we were at a halloween party at their house and it was all very noisy so not the time to discuss it. I'll mention it when he next comes. TBH I would tell the parents you aren't having accidents all over your furniture and in your opinion he's not ready. Easy for me to say I know :(

[breezy]

I think he needs pull ups for the sake of your home and sanity

[Pauline]

No you are certaily not being unreasonable and if you find it difficult to tell the parents you must use pull ups then why not say it is for the health and safety of the other children - you can't have wet wee spots all over the furniture!! :panic:

[tulip0803]

No you are certaily not being unreasonable and if you find it difficult to tell the parents you must use pull ups then why not say it is for the health and safety of the other children - you can't have wet wee spots all over the furniture!! :panic:

I agree totally. You are not being unreasonable. I think Dad is in denial - as they often are:rolleyes: with their little cherubs. I would insist on pull-ups.

[don the duck]

Hello. I potty training myson. he ll be 3 this month. we have the same problem. he ll hold himself all m orning and then he ll got to Nurserty school (who is v happy to continue with it. He ll have accidents. its the same at home. but its my home and choice so not as bad. we tend to only have 1-2 accidents some days. he ll not ask for the potty and will happliy sit on the potty but i know the signs as he holds himself to bursting point.

i have thought many times to put him back in pull up as we do wear them if were going on a long journey or day out, but feel like iv let him down if we go back. any sugguestions????

I to would speak to the parents about pull ups as if jj's school spoken to me and sugguested it id be happy as were not there as parents and have to think of the child and others. As if there/ hes been changed every 5 mins if not fair on urself and the child.

Good luck

[cher25]

Hi, i have a 3 year old mindee who is still in nappies. I asked on here about potty training, and was told that he just musn't be ready for it. As like your mindee this 3 year old, just wee's and poo's anywhere and doesn't seem to know when he needs the toilet. I've only had him out of nappies for half a day and he wet himself 5 mins after i had him to the toilet. His mum has tried to potty train and i want to help her, but the child get's upset when being put on the potty or toilet.
Ask the child's parent to put pull up's on him, i am also thinking about suggesting the same thing as the child's mum asked me for advice on potty training.

[Ripeberry]

I'm just thinking, what happends if you want the child to use pull-ups and the parents are very against it. What happens then? Would the CM be going against the parents wishes.
Or is it best to tell them gently that their son is not quite ready and that for the health and safety of other children he HAS TO wear pull-ups.
All very well for them (especially the dad) to say he's ready when it's not their home being covered in wee!
Maybe we should all have a clause in our policies that pull-ups need to be worn if child not ready?

[cuffleygirl]

This morning I asked if I could use pull-ups at my house until he asks to go to the toilet. They weren't over keen, I suggested that they could look for another minder they declined and agreed to pull-ups until he asks.

The child has just informed me that he can't go to fireworks tomorrow as he wee ed himself at home last night and this morning. Am I surprised? (or will they follow through - who knows?)

[Pauline]

The child has just informed me that he can't go to fireworks tomorrow as he wee ed himself at home last night and this morning. Am I surprised? (or will they follow through - who knows?)

They are being ridiculous, you can't punish a child for wetting themselves, they are asking for trouble - plus he just can't relate wetting himself to missing something 2 days later!! He is far too young for that, poor little mite, he must be so confused. :(

[don the duck]

hello. i posted a few posts back. with my son. the nursey school my sons attends have asked me if he could have pull up on while at school as hes wetting himself a few times and its not fair on him as there constonsly changing him. there are 2 teachers and 10 children. Im not to keen on the idea but iv agreed as its not far on either ones. my sons there to enjoy himself and learn and have fun but hes spending most the time been changed and missing out.

So well done for sticking to it. i think its for the best as a parent and a child minder