God i could cry [Archive] - Childminding Forum

childmind04

30-10-2008, 02:48 PM

I have had such a day with 1 of my mindees fighting :(

I have a mindee who is coming upto 6 and mum and him have just moved back into grandparents home and i have the montster back which took me sooo much work to get him able to behave in more normal way but i have never had his behaviour what you would call acceptable for his age!!! i am so sick of askig him not to hit or hurt someone, we go through the same thing every holiday, we have done the house rules which he just drones out and does not really listen too, he has no reaction to ANYTHING and i mean anything, he hit a little brother of another child today and his big brother really reacted and screamed at this child yet he just stood their as if nothing had happened, the minder of the child got such a fright at this boys shouting but could not believe the child i had did not react, he has hit every child i have today, threw my poor little dog across the floor and just caused havic all week.

I have had so many meetings with his mum and so have school yet nothing is changing or being done about it, he is very clever (well above average) but his beaviour is so wrong, he thinks nothing about breaking toys, kicking a baby who is on the floor or damaging property, i have had him 3 years now and i am no longer able to stay positiive with him as he just stresses me out :(

Dont know what to do, i have done all i know, tried charts, rewards, time out and nothing works, wish i could afford to terminate, the to top it off another mindee who is 3 and i took her on the same week as him 3 years ago is following everything he does :panic:

Susan

Trouble

30-10-2008, 02:53 PM

i could cry for you

theres only a couple of things you can do 1 is terminate

and 2 dont be as nice tell him you will not accept this behaviour,

or find out what he likes and let him get on with it

sorry not much help

melanieabigail2004

30-10-2008, 02:53 PM

Perhaps its time to have another meeting with mum and advise her that if his behaviour does not improve you may have to terminate the contract. He is not setting a good example to the younger ones and physically attacking is just not on - something needs to be done and mum needs to take that on board. Much as you need the money is it worth it??

It sounds like he is an unhappy little boy and things needs to be change on all aspects - not just his behaviour when he is with you.

Sending you a hug and hope your day tomorrow is better :)

Mel

Pudding Girl

30-10-2008, 02:57 PM

Sounds like he *may* be on the Autistic Spectrum to me, esp with him not seeming to realise that about kicking a baby, just rings a bell with me - anything like that has been looked into?

childmind04

30-10-2008, 03:09 PM

George he screams autism but no one seems to want to listen, he hates any emotional things, ie role play, or books that has peril involved in the story, he is obsessive (sp?) when playing and cant stand anyone being near him, the anger he has is frightening he never sits still and just bounces of walls, i have looked after a child who had autism and they are so similer, the blank expression when you are trying to explain something they dont seem or want to understand

Going to get dh to see to other children when she comes for him so i can have a word, this time i want to know what the school has said as she is always very vague and also put him on a trial, i have had enough

I have a mum coming for temp care from week after next, at first i thought this would be a nice extra bit of cash but now i am thinking it might just end up covering any money i will loose from this child

I feel such a failure after 3 years and still his behaviour is so unpredictable :(

Susan

Trouble

30-10-2008, 03:14 PM

most people wouldnt of lasted that long

dont be so hard on yourself go for it with mum

good luck:thumbsup:

melanieabigail2004

30-10-2008, 03:16 PM

Susan

No way are you a failure - the fact that you have continued as long as you have shows you are not. Unfortunately if mum doesn't want to see there is an issue you are not going to get anywhere. Hopefully when you talk to her later she might be a little less vague

Mel

sarah707

30-10-2008, 03:31 PM

Says autistic spectrum to me as well...

He needs help and so do you.

You need specialist training to cope with that sort of behaviour.

If you can't get it, then you really do need to think about terminating I'm afraid.

Sending hugs... it's hard xx

Monkey1

30-10-2008, 03:34 PM

You lasted 3 years:eek: Well done you, you should be extreamly proud of yourself. many would of thrown the towel in before now. Don't beet yourself up about it, it sounds like you have tried everything imaginable! so this is for you.....:clapping:

Twinkles

30-10-2008, 07:52 PM

How did the chat with mum go Susan ?

Rubybubbles

30-10-2008, 08:19 PM

Sounds like he *may* be on the Autistic Spectrum to me, esp with him not seeming to realise that about kicking a baby, just rings a bell with me - anything like that has been looked into?

I think you are right here Lou

My brother was exactly like this at this age (and before) he has Aspergers, and it took until he was 13 until anyone would listen (so kinda backing up the mum here and hoping she is doing somthing!)

maybe you could talk to your Development worker and see if she can help after all he is still in your Early years numbers

childmind04

30-10-2008, 11:36 PM

Thanks for the emails, it did make me have a bit confidence in what i thought, anyway had a good chat to mum and she decided to tell me about these violent outbursts he has been having with her, she is going to make an appointment with his teacher and take it from there, im hoping they will do something but im not sure if his behaviour in class is as bad, oor they just like the fact he ticks boxes!!!

Had some retail therapy tonight to get myself ready for another stressful day tomorrow, hallweeon party where he will just be hyper and trying to pinch sweets when no one is looking, good job i only have 3 tomorrow :)

Susan

angeldelight

31-10-2008, 07:52 AM

Glad you spoke to mom Susan

Hope things sort themselves out for you now

Have a good day today

Angel xx

childmind04

31-10-2008, 06:54 PM

Well my day was not too bad but in a not so good way, he did not misbehave as he was so scared at the halloween party he would not move :(

Mum managed to get an appointment and got laughed out of the surgery and got told he was a normal little boy, mum explained his reactions to situations and how he does not respond to people or any of his actions, how he is obsessive over his trains and how he can recall number plates at a glance, that he wont even try to pretend play or join in with it, and the doctor said he was just 'quirky' :angry:

Not sure now what to do

Susan

Rubybubbles

31-10-2008, 09:03 PM

mandy moo

03-11-2008, 09:48 AM

As the others have said, I think you're doing brilliantly:clapping:
But I agree you definatley need more help, Has the school got a SENCO (special educatuional needs co ordinator) has mum been to see her? if hes not wonderfull at school surley they have they're concerns?
or I dont know if you have or want to go down this route, had a chat with school to find out for yourself what happens there, working in partnership with parents and continunity of care and all that.
coz I suppose if mum tries to manage him one way, the school another, you in another way, that will be confusing for him too?
just a few thoughts, carry on the great work:clapping:
Mandy

sue

03-11-2008, 07:12 PM

keep fingers cross he gets the help need soon and everyone works together to reach the same goal.

cuffleygirl

04-11-2008, 02:09 PM

I know its really hard money and how things are - but if you let this get to you to this extend, you'll drive yourself mad and that's not fair on you or your family and you won't be earning anything at all.

Is it possible that prospective parents are put off using your care as they have seen this childs behaviour at school or wherever? once word gets out that you no longer look after him you could well pick up other work?

Chin up - most of us have been there and it is easy to say terminate but for your sanity sometimes you just have to! You haven't been defeated you just need to take back control.

good luck
lol

Nettynoo

04-11-2008, 11:16 PM

It sounds like you are doing a brilliant job and doing everything within your pwer to resolve his isssues and keep the peace with everyone involved!! Well done! Keep up the good work and lets hope the school intervene!!
Just remember you have to keep the other childrens interests and safety to the fore and your own sanity!!!!!!!! Best of luck and keep us posted!!