View Full Version : Help and advice, please!!!

23-10-2008, 10:00 AM
Hi everyone,

I look after a 3.5 year old who was born very prematurely. He's full of life but has a couple of problems. Even at 3.5 he still won't eat anything with lumps. Lunch is always jars of baby food with no lumps.

But that's not the one wearing me down - he is still in nappies!!!!

He goes to school from 0900 - 1130 and I have him from 1130 - 1630 Mon to Fri. He shows no signs of wanting to get out of nappies, doesn't seem uncomfortable after filling his nappy and never says he needs the toilet. I have tried sitting him on a potty and the toilet but nothing, then off he goes and fills his nappy - aaarrrggg! It's really wearing me down and mum doesn't seem too bothered - think she's more taken up with his eating.

Can anyone give me advice about toilet training, thought it might get sorted when he started school and saw all the other children going to the toilet but nothing has changed. My problem is that our son who is now nearly 7 and every other little one I've looked after, have been toilet trained over a weekend (up in the morning, into 'big boys' undies, got the message and no problems - has worked for loads of people I know).

Have thought about chocolate buttons as a reward - he'll eat chocolate because it melts and then has no lumps! But then think it's no good if I do it here and not done at home.

I can feel myself getting really frustrated just writing this - but don't know what to do next. It's really peeing me off (excuse the pun)! If anyone has any ideas I'd be really grateful.


23-10-2008, 10:11 AM
I don't think I've welcomed you to the forum yet... so hello!

Sorry but I'm not sure why you are getting frustrated about this.

He's clearly not ready to be moved on...

It doesn't matter what his physical age is, it's down to his body's readiness to use the toilet.

I looked after a disabled 8 year old a while ago and had to change her nappies... it's much the same thing as for a baby really except we made sure there was a private place to go so her dignity was preserved and we gave her huge praise when she was able to tell us her nappy needed changing.

It's really important that you follow the needs of the child on this one. It sounds with the eating issue there are more important mountains to climb anyway.

Is a health visitor involved or other professionals? Do you link up with them for support and advice? Does the mum get lots of guidance and help? Can you access some of that?

It sounds like you are doing your very best for the child and he is in a warm loving place with you... my advice is to just let him have fun and play, the rest will sort itself with time. :D

23-10-2008, 10:17 AM
I used to mind a boy of the same age & had concerns about him still being in nappies & showing no signs of coming out of them.

I posted a thread on here for advise & the answers were all unaminous (sp), the age really really doesn't matter - its the childs physical signs that will tell you when he's ready.

Trying to get him out of them when he is showing no signs will just be a waste of time - & very confusing for the child.

Personally I would wait until he shows signs. If the parents have concerns - which by reading your post doesn't sound like they do, then they can contact the health visitor. He obviously has some medical issues, if thats the rigt wording :blush: , by the fact that he won't eat lumps, but again its not for you to solve this.

Hope you don't mind my opionion on it

http://newtickers.bump-and-beyond.com/22/2258/225831.png (http://www.bump-and-beyond.com/)

23-10-2008, 10:22 AM
if he was premature this can have an effect on his overall development, my own dd was born at 33 weeks and was about 6 month behind most children until she was about 5, i also think the eating is more of a problem as he cant be getting enough substance at 3.5 out of baby food

Are you able to speak to a HV to get some advice and support for youself and the mum?

Good luck and hope you are able to sort something :)


23-10-2008, 11:10 AM
Ive always told parents when they ask whens the right time, If a childs not physically and emotionally ready then its useless and no matter how hard you try it wont work. Its not about age its about when the childs ready. I understand how hard it must be for you and my advice would be to just keep asking about potty or keep sitting him on it and he may get the message without feeling hes been rushed. Personally i would get eating sorted first and try not to worry about the potty. You never know if you become more realxed he may suprise you and just go. :)