bad behaviour help

[finbob]

i have an eight yr old girl who i childmind for and since ive had her bad behaviour has become a concern. She is cheeky she encourages other children to do bad things [like spitting etc]. She goes in my cupboards when im not watching and helps herself to things when i tell her no she will say so and go and do something else. She swears occasionally and she comes into my face with her hands jabbering i find this very intimidating.I am also looking after 3 more children and this has had an effect on my daughter she starts to copy and then i have 2 cheeky children. The eight yr olds little brother can get naughty as well but i can cope with his behaviour but her behaviour takes everything away from the other children shes the eldest so she should be guiding them but shes doing the opposite.Ive spoken to her mum and she says she has stolen from her at home the trouble is her mum gets very stressed easy and shouts at them alot. I think the girl wants me to react like that to her but im not into losing it and shouting. Any advice because i dread picking her up now and i try to send my daughter to friends houses so she isnt influenced by her which isnt fair at all. The girls parents have just split up and there has been 2 deaths in the family i know they wouldnt allow counselling but i cant give up on her because both the children need a bit of stability.ANY IDEAS:( :(

[Heaven Scent]

Sounds like ADHD to me or some other sort of Autistic Spectrum Disorder - and I'd speak to mum about and try to develop strategies to help child change her bahaviour pattern. I would also get mum to speak to the school health team and get the child assessed.

In the meantime if the child does not behave well then you need to have consequences in place so she knows that for every action there will be a reaction. I would still go with time out at her age and be very persistant and ask mum to give it a try at home it will be hard at first but she will soon catch on and know that she doesn't have a choice but to sit and think or draw pictures of how she would feel if it her people were being nasty to. - Explain to her that by behaving in the way she does she is being nasty to you and the other children. Also ask her how she would like it if you went to her house and messed it up and went through her cupboards etc etc etc the explain that that is how you feel when she does it at yours and to help her remember that, that every time she does it she will have to have time out no matter what. If she is just being naughty and looking for attention it just might help and if she has ADHD then it won't help but it will be evidence for mum to take to the professionals that this approach didn't work and the childs reaction to being asked to take time out and discuss her feelings can all be documented and the differences between her reaction at yours and at home can also be examined and therefore get the ball moving all the quicker.

[finbob]

thanx for that i think i will try the time out method i always thought she would be too old for that but i will try anything obviously talking to her isnt helping so thankyou wish me luck ive got her tonight:panic: :panic:

[Mrs.L.C]

Sounds like ADHD to me or some other sort of Autistic Spectrum Disorder - and I'd speak to mum about and try to develop strategies to help child change her bahaviour pattern. I would also get mum to speak to the school health team and get the child assessed.

In the meantime if the child does not behave well then you need to have consequences in place so she knows that for every action there will be a reaction. I would still go with time out at her age and be very persistant and ask mum to give it a try at home it will be hard at first but she will soon catch on and know that she doesn't have a choice but to sit and think or draw pictures of how she would feel if it her people were being nasty to. - Explain to her that by behaving in the way she does she is being nasty to you and the other children. Also ask her how she would like it if you went to her house and messed it up and went through her cupboards etc etc etc the explain that that is how you feel when she does it at yours and to help her remember that, that every time she does it she will have to have time out no matter what. If she is just being naughty and looking for attention it just might help and if she has ADHD then it won't help but it will be evidence for mum to take to the professionals that this approach didn't work and the childs reaction to being asked to take time out and discuss her feelings can all be documented and the differences between her reaction at yours and at home can also be examined and therefore get the ball moving all the quicker.

This sounds like a good idea. With all that has happened has obv effected the child and im not surprised. Who wont allow counceling? Sounds like she defo needs it and it could help alot

[finbob]

i know her mum is so proud though its hard to say anything to her i think she will take offence if i suggested that as shes fiercly independant and i get the feeling if i say that she will either explode or crack.She just has no patience for anyone.