View Full Version : just need to tell someone!!
I cant believe whats happened today, ive been so upset, only just calmed down. Ive been minding 2 brothers for the past 8 months and love them to bits anyway last week the 9 monthold was really not well for 2 days, on the third day i tried ringing mum to come and get him because he really wasn t well, it took me 2 hours to get hold of her because her battery was flat.When she did finally arrive she wasnt too happy that i was sending him home.I have a five year old son who today has started with tonsilitis and is really ill, he has a really high temperature, vomiting etc. I text the mum as soon as i could see that it would be impossible to mind tomorrow, im gonna have to get my son to the doctors. She has sent me back the most awful text saying that she doesnt want me anymore and she is going to look for a nursery because she cant put up with me not having her kids when they are ill and also when my kids are ill. My policy clearly says that if her children are ill then they have to be at home and also that she must have alternative care on hand for if ever my children are ill.This is the first time i have ever not been able to have her children because of mine being ill, her text was really nasty and im so upset, i cant believe shes not bringing them any more. These were my first ever mindees and ive put so much into caring for them, i thought mum was really pleased with me, i feel so let down by the whole thing. I had to tell someone who would understands how i feel and i know you all do
oh kat that is really sad
don't do or say anything to her that you may regret as it may just be a knee jerk reaction and she hopefully will calm down.
i hope your little boy is better soon, poor thing
butterfly
14-09-2008, 09:04 PM
i agree. she'll probably calm down and think about it and decide she was silly in saying that. she's obviously been happy with you so far and was probably stressed at work and then had to find extra childcare or take time off. she'll probably come back and apologise. try not to worry and concentrate on getting your son better!
Chatterbox Childcare
14-09-2008, 09:06 PM
I bet mum was under pressure at work and with having the previous time off with her child took it badly when yours was ill.
Do you have an emergency cover or other childminder that you can call on when you are unable to mind? Might be worth while looking in to.
Hope all works out.
jellytot
14-09-2008, 09:07 PM
yes i also agree give her time to cool down.
hope your son feels better soon
DudleyChildmind
14-09-2008, 09:11 PM
I had the same problem a few years ago when my son went into hospital for an oepration. The parent wanted someone more reliable and she took her child and put him in a nursery. I felt sorry for the little boy because he didn't mix well and had no confidence :(
I hope your son feels better soon :)
oh dear i think ive already done the wrong thing, i answered the text by saying that if thats what she wants to go ahead and do it i wasnt nasty but i did say that i was sorry she felt like that. Should i just leave things now and see if she gets in touch with me?
DudleyChildmind
14-09-2008, 09:20 PM
I think so. The ball is in her court now and it's down to her to decide what she wants to do next. It's a shame it's come to this though.
oh dear i think ive already done the wrong thing, i answered the text by saying that if thats what she wants to go ahead and do it i wasnt nasty but i did say that i was sorry she felt like that. Should i just leave things now and see if she gets in touch with me?
what you've said sounds fine to me, i would possibly call her to discuss the problems and ask if there is anything you can do to change her mind
maybe she doesn't realise that a nursery would be even tougher with the rules then a childminder would ever be
good luck though i hope things work out ok for you
tulip0803
14-09-2008, 09:25 PM
I am very sorry that you were made to feel so bad.:group hug:
I think that she will find that a nursery will send them home ill quicker than a childminder does. You had him ill for 2 days a nursery more than likely would have refused him on the first day. I wonder if she was ignoring the phone when you rang because she knew he was too ill to be with you. More than likely that your son has caught the illness off the mindee:( anyway.
My CM friend was told by the mother of a mindee that it was her (CM) fault that she (mum) had to take a week of work because the mindee had chicken pox. Apparantly if my friend had not told her that he had spots she would never have known ?! :rolleyes:
Yes it is a shame because ive gone from minding 2 children to minding none, back to waiting for he phone to ring. i,ll miss them terribly. the idea of emergency cover debbie is a good one i will look into that next time im minding. Thankyou for all the advice:) xx
balloon
15-09-2008, 06:31 AM
Oh that's just awful, you must feel devastated and a little bit angry too I shouldn't wonder. I know I would be gutted if one of my parents did this to me.
Hope that she'll calm down and change her mind.
angeldelight
15-09-2008, 06:34 AM
oh dear i think ive already done the wrong thing, i answered the text by saying that if thats what she wants to go ahead and do it i wasnt nasty but i did say that i was sorry she felt like that. Should i just leave things now and see if she gets in touch with me?
I think you reacted how most would at that time
Shame she is being like that and some parents are but if she thinks that they are going to be more understanding at nursery when her children are ill she will find that they are the same as us
I like to clear the air and would have to call her ( but thats me !)
I dont think text messages are ideal for situations like this
I would call and try to get her to understand etc maybe then she might change her mind
If she does not then I think you are better off with out a parent like that
Good luck Kat keep us posted
Angel xx
miffy
15-09-2008, 06:37 AM
I hope she'll calm down too and talk things through with you
Even if she decides she no longer wants you to care for her children she must still give you the proper notice as on your contracts
Hope your own son is soon feeling better
Miffy xx
Bushpig
15-09-2008, 06:46 AM
It's such a shame we have to deal with parents like this sometimes. I often think parents forget we have other kids we look after, along with their little ones. I wouldn't text her anymore, keep it to the phone (noting what is said), plus email (in writing). She needs to end the contract properly if she ends it.
We are not nurses, we are childminders. And sick kids make us (and other mindees) sick too... so best the child is sent home soon to prevent spread of contamination. Doesn't take brain surgery... just wish parents would get this.
I hope he feels better soon x
Andrea08
15-09-2008, 09:59 AM
arrrr your son is important too and im sure she wouldn't want her little ones to catch it?
Back up is a good idea but i too have the problem that my parents dont want to use what they concider strangers even though i have introduced the children on many occasions,
Also when i have contacted my back up it turns out they are full and can't help!! even in emergancies
stuck between a rock n a hard place we just can't win
x
ziggy
15-09-2008, 01:00 PM
having worked in a nursery for many years, have to agree children would be sent home immediately when ill and not allowed back until fully well
sandra
angeldelight
15-09-2008, 02:34 PM
How you feeling today Kat?
Angel xx
I feel sick Angel, my only sin was to ask her not to bring her children for one day whilst i care for my little boy. Ive had a few texts from her today basically saying that she wont be bringing them back and that she has got them both a nursery place, and that she will call later this week to pick up their belongings, its upset me so much i feel like packing it all in. I tried ringing her but she has made it quite clear that she wont speak to me she will only text. Maybe i can get to say something when she comes to pick up their things x
littlesprogs
15-09-2008, 04:35 PM
Make it clear to her that it is her choice not to bring them back but you still require 4 weeks fee's as notice and the notice needs to be written notice (this does not include text messages!!)
Saranotts
15-09-2008, 04:53 PM
Oh Kat this is awful, I think in the long run you will find it a blessing not to have this family, for the mum to be like this over what is a perfectly reasonable request is awful. Why on earth would she want her healthy children be put with a sick child! All that would have happened then would have been she would have, had to have an awful lot more time off with her three sick children.
She is going to find it a real shock when the nursery are a lot more firm with her over sickness. I hate to think what she would have been like if you had, had to discuss a real issue with her!
So while you are panicking now about having no children to look after, I think you have probably had a lucky escape and something far better will come round the corner. Don't let this one awful parent put you off, there are a lot of good, reasonable people out there, who would be grateful to have you as their childminder.
Good luck.
Sara
Sara what you have said is so true, Thankyou everyone. Hopefully in a few weeks i,ll be on here talking about my lovely new mindees :) :) xx
Sorry to hear that you've had this awful experience. What a shame for the little boys who I'm sure will miss you terribly.
Keep your chin up - I'm sure there's another family who'll come along and need your minding services and I would imagine they'll appreciate you a lot more than this mum as well!
Carole x
jellytot
15-09-2008, 09:56 PM
:group hug:
Bushpig
15-09-2008, 09:59 PM
Sara what you have said is so true, Thankyou everyone. Hopefully in a few weeks i,ll be on here talking about my lovely new mindees :) :) xx
I am sure you will :) You deserve better!!! I just feel for those little boys.. I am sure they will miss you terribly.
I wouldn't send any more text messages, except for one saying that you need her to give you written notice asap, mentioning 4 weeks payment is still due. Keep it cool and professional. Not at all personal.
If she refuses to pay the 4 weeks owed, where do i stand, im not a member of the ncma?
Chatterbox Childcare
15-09-2008, 10:47 PM
I do feel for you.
Chalk it up to experience and start again.
I would look at another emergency cover too.
I introduce all my parents to my emergency cover and when they put a name to a face they are happy. I have 5.
angeldelight
15-09-2008, 11:12 PM
If she refuses to pay the 4 weeks owed, where do i stand, im not a member of the ncma?
Who are you insured with then Kat ?
Poor you
Hope you are ok
Angel xx
Im with Morton Michael Angel xx
angeldelight
16-09-2008, 06:52 AM
Im with Morton Michael Angel xx
Why not give them a call Kat so they can give you some advice ?
You ok ?
Angel xx
Im fine Angel thankyou, it helps so much when you can come on here and get advise from people who really understand where you are coming from. I'll ring morton later. Thankyou,:) xx
angeldelight
16-09-2008, 07:33 AM
Good luck let us know how it goes
Angel xx
Ripeberry
16-09-2008, 07:54 AM
Sorry you've had such a horrible experience. But hopefully by the evening she will have calmed down.
The real villain in all of this is the employers who must be putting a terrible strain on her to make her act like that.
And it is most likely a knee jerk reaction. Sometimes texts should just be ignored, you really know how people feel when they actually speak to you.
I really feel for you....I recently lost a full timer because the parents didn't feel they could accomodate me having holiday's (although they had already took their FIVE weeks)!!!
Make sure you get what's due to you ie Contracts, some parents try it on....i've learned the hard way.
I hope you fill up your spaces soon, Chin UP!!
Jules12Wed
16-09-2008, 08:49 AM
Kat
Sorry to hear you have had a bad experience. It does shake you up as I know from past experience.
Just put it behind you and move on. Like has been said before a good idea is to have a back up childminder so hopefully something like this won't happen again.
Such a shame she isn't willing to come and talk things through with you.
Hopefully you'll get a chance to use those new contracts soon!!
Ju
Jill A
16-09-2008, 11:40 AM
Hi Kat, sorry to hear about your awful experience. I am the Support & Development Worker for our local childminding association & unfortunately I hear similar tales all too often. I think parents often do not understand that childminders are self-employed professionals & they do not take time to read & understand our contracts & policies. If they did they would see things from our perspective & be able to accept that our 'sick child' policies are for the good of all concerned. We all know how stressful it is for a parent when childcare arrangements breakdown for whateverreason but I do feel that your parent has failed to see that this would have been exactly the same scenario with a nursery who are generally alot less flexible than childminders.
If I were you I would sort out some emergency cover before the parent comes to collect the children's belongings & try to discuss with her why it was necessary to take the action you did. You can then explain that you sympathise with the difficulties it gave her & have taken this on board & arranged emergency cover for future situations with ......... I would recommend that you arrange to have at least 2 other registered childminders with current vacancies as your emergency cover (if you don't know of any, visit your local childminder drop-ins as they are a great place to network with other childminders & also to fill your vacancies through word of mouth). I also have my mother-in-law as an emergency back-up for short trm emergencies such as having to take one of the children to hospital.
One other piece of advice - next time you are interviewing prospective parents, go through the contract & policies with them & get them to take them home, read them & sign all policies as well as the contract.
Did your contract state a notice period to be given & did the parent sign it? How did you get on with Morton Michel?
Just a quick update, i rung Morton Michel this morning and they have advised me to put in writing how much she owes me and then if she wont pay to take it the small claims court, dont know if i could take it that far.She came to pick up the childrens things tonight and had very little to say. I was talkingto my family tonight and basically saying that ive learned from this to not be as soft with my next set of parents that come along, at which point they all burst out laughingand said "yeah right mum you wouldnt know how to not be soft":) that says it all really, i need to toughen up a bit.Thankyou for all your help, ive been so distraught and if i hadnt been able to talk to people like you that i knew undersood i dont know what i would have done.Im looking forward to some new mindees now
Thankyou,
Kats xxx