View Full Version : I'm about to explode over manners.

10-09-2008, 07:03 AM
I'm so about to explode.

I've been minding twins who will be 8 soon their 4 year old sibling for just over a year now.

They are the most un-mannered children I've ever come across.

They NEVER remember to say please or thank-you. I find it so rude, I would be mortified if my children were like this.

I have tried everything and I'm now at the stage of ignoring them unless they are polite.

I have just stopped one of the twins helpping the little one with shoes because he didn't say please. I won't let the older one help now until the little one stops crying and says please.

Do you think I'm being too tough?

It really concerns me that the older 2 at nearly 8 don't know basic manners, how on earth will they get on in life being so rude.:rolleyes:

10-09-2008, 07:05 AM
Sounds like you are re-creating your own Big Bang in your house today :laughing: I agree manners are so important and have had my own battles in the past. Good Luck. :thumbsup:

10-09-2008, 07:12 AM
Its one of my huge bug bears and I find my self saying instinctively even to strangers children oopps

Mine are good mannered most of the time and if I not I repeat their question "so you would like mummy to put your shoes on....." leaving a pause so they know something is missing and they usually pipe up please.

I dont think you are being too hard, what do the parents say?

10-09-2008, 07:37 AM
My partner was at a Chef meeting for Cheshire schools a couple of weeks ago and the speaker (a Cheshire big wig) advised them not to ask children to say please and thank you in the dinner queue because....

... you'll love this....

... it was a negative and might put them off wanting school dinners!!!! :eek: :eek:

I'm with you Lucy... :D

Paula J
10-09-2008, 07:46 AM
I agree no PLEASE or THANKYOU no get what they have asked for manners cost nothing Paula:)

10-09-2008, 07:52 AM
Im one of these who likes manners and encourages it but I dont force it. As long as they ask nicely (even without the please or thankyou) then im happy but if its rude then I usualy end up saying "excuse me?"

The reason im very relaxed is that when I worked in a nursery one of the members of staff refused to give a child a biscuit because he wouldnt say please. He was beside himself in floods of tears. The child was just under 2...not saying anyone else would do this but its just stuck in my head

10-09-2008, 07:53 AM
if you dont say please you dont get, xx and they can have a tantrum as much as they like lol

10-09-2008, 08:00 AM
i hate this society that we live in at the moment,
we can't encourage manners
we can't encourage competitiveness
we forget that fundamentaly the uk is a christian country and we change the laws to suit every religion then forget what this country and it's laws were based on, sorry i am jewish and respect the fact that i live in a christian country that allows me to practice my religion of choice.

sorry rant over can you tell what makes me angry these days

lucy i agree with you if you can't ask nicely you can't have

although i have looked after r for nearly 7 years and despite the rules she still says i want to me when i look at her waiting she says sorry i mean please can i have .....
it's just not expected at home so they just don't bother
my new 2 obviously get everything they want
c told me yesterday that we needed to go and buy some new dressing up clothes for her as she doesn't like the dresses i have here

er ys c lets go spend money on you when you speak to me like that, i think not

Chatterbox Childcare
10-09-2008, 08:17 AM
I think you are spot on. Manners don't cost anything.

I don't let mine have treats if they don't say please and thank you but drinks and food I relent a little.

10-09-2008, 08:44 AM
I really think it starts with the parents speaking to them with manners when they are babies. I know this sounds silly but i have always said please, thank you, excuse me and sorry to mine before they could even speak themselves and now it comes out naturally every time. My youngest has just turned 2 and even says 'your welcome' when i say thank you.

10-09-2008, 08:59 AM
Manners are a big bug bare of mine too. If a child asks me for something without saying please i always say "pardon" and they will say please straight away. I used to do it when i was working as a teacher as well. I would go around the room giving out snack and if a child didn't say thank you i would say it for them and would say well done to the children that had said it themselves. It didn't take long for all the children to start saying thank you too because they all wanted the praise. I would never not give a child something for not using manners, because they might not be used to using them at home but i do always say the word for them or give them a gentle reminder!

10-09-2008, 09:08 AM
I'm reminding my son to use his please and thank yous at the moment. He's very nice and polite but does forget them, he's only 3. I think it's so important though.

If he asks for anything I won't get it until he says please, I just say, can you ask me nicely please and then he does and I react. He doesn't get anything until he asks nicely.

I've got a book about manners for children it's a lift the flap book called 'My Book of Manners', I've also got a Tweenies one too. The first book covers all different types of good manners.

I just looked on Amazon and they're not there but there are loads of children's books about good manners or they may have some at the library.

I don't think you are being too hard at all, they need manners to make friends and get through life, you're doing right by them to teach them this.

10-09-2008, 09:18 AM
You are not being too harsh Lucy, as said manners cost nothing and yet we constantly overlook these things as unimportant. :panic:

I am a grumpy old woman :D I am only 36 and I remember the " good old days" when you were quiet around you elders, spok when you were spoken too and manners and being generally polit was everything inschool and outof school.

I had lots of " aunties" when I grew up I would never have dreamed of calling an adult by their name. Suppose it was a general respect thing????

Overall I think we don't need to send kids up chimneys or down t' pit but I do think a return to children being children and adults being the " boss" of things would be a good start.

You keep up the good work Lucy :thumbsup: one of my charges I nannyed for is now 17 :eek: and he remembers even now me insiting on good manners and he says it is such a habit he couldn't be a rude lout if he had to be :D

10-09-2008, 09:21 AM
Sorry but reading sarah's reply I was just gobsmaked!!

Manners need to implimented from very very early on & they need to be constant.

Stick to your guns Lucy :thumbsup:

10-09-2008, 09:29 AM
i have to agree manners cost nothing

i had one who was always saying i want etc

i always say i want doesn't get what must you say and then he would say please may i have

one day at home his mum said to his father that she wanted something and J pipped up i want doesn't get you must say please. his father said thats right who says that and he replied Aunty cathy they both laughed

at least i know he was listening


10-09-2008, 09:48 AM
agreed manners are important

can not beleive sarahs reply, amazed me. do they not think it is the food they offering putting the children off not encouraging manners

10-09-2008, 01:35 PM
Totally agree with good manners being required, both from the adults to the children and from the children to the adults.

I always remind all children if they forget, including friends children, I have even been known to remind the lads at scouts if they forget themselves, lol!

I cannot believe this new hogwash that the education system is coming out with now- how can using manners be a negative thing? - thank goodness my own kids are not part of that any more!

10-09-2008, 01:46 PM
I'm very big on manners and my girls always say "Please may i have X" and usually say "Thank you". But i do have to remind them and if they ask me the wrong way, i just say "What do you say?".
It's going to hard work with other peoples children though, but manners maketh the man/woman!:)

10-09-2008, 03:13 PM
my 13 month mindee learned to say thank you this afternoon well she says anku but it's a very good start

10-09-2008, 03:24 PM
I hate ill mannered children. Both of mine have been brought up with good manners and always ask to leave the table which the nursery and the school think is funny at snack time to hear them ask.

All my mindees know that they wont get unless they ask nicely (theyve learnt the hard way).

It costs us nothing for good manners and will get you far if you use them.

As I keep telling the kids, its nice to be nice

10-09-2008, 03:25 PM
:laughing: :laughing: Just got to tell you all this. William has just come to me and said "I need a biscuit". I raised my eyebrows and said Pardon? Then he came out with "Please may my mum biscuit may tank you please mum?" Big smile! How could you say no to that? :laughing:

10-09-2008, 03:32 PM
bless him and no of course you couldn't say no to him after all that

10-09-2008, 03:50 PM
mine say plz and ty, I actually get commentd from ppl who are suprised that they say thei p's and q's. I dont think your being harsh at all. its a rule in my house.

I find myself saying to my mindees the relevant word. I even do it to friends kids:blush: habbit I suppose. theres no excuse for children not to have manners!

10-09-2008, 04:30 PM
I with everyone else and think manners are one of the most important things in my house, it's rude to not use them and like some have said, they cost nothing.

My DD who's not even 2 knows she has to say her please and thank-you's otherwise she won't get what she's asking for, so I shocked that 8 and 4 year olds aren't saying it, well I'm not in fact, there are some parents that just don't care about those sorts of things.

I don't think you're being harsh at all, your house, your rules and you're teaching them an important life lesson.

10-09-2008, 04:35 PM
I agree with bubbles.....I just keep saying "pardon" until they remember to say "please" Had to smile to myself though when each time I said "pardon" 3 year old just kept saying "yes" louder and louder thinking I was deaf. But it must work as I gave her 4 year old brother a star today for his lovely manners.
sandra:jump for joy:

10-09-2008, 05:35 PM
I agree with bubbles.....I just keep saying "pardon" until they remember to say "please" Had to smile to myself though when each time I said "pardon" 3 year old just kept saying "yes" louder and louder thinking I was deaf. But it must work as I gave her 4 year old brother a star today for his lovely manners.
sandra:jump for joy:

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: