View Full Version : mindee refusing to participate

09-09-2008, 12:33 PM
One of my mindees who is nearly 3 point blankly refuses to join in with the other mindees if they are singing or dancing. He just takes himself off to another room whenever I put the music on or we start doing action songs. He's been like this for well over a year since I started minding. I've mentioned it to his parents and they admitted they don't do it at home with him. I've tried and tried to encourage him but he won't join in. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get him to join in, I really feel like he is missing out and he looks so sad just sitting on his own.

09-09-2008, 12:38 PM
could you, dare i say it, bribe him until he realises its fun? tell him if he joins in then the next game will be of his choice.

failing that admit defeat - it may just not be he sort of thing. i'm an adult and i hate dancing and singing!!!

09-09-2008, 12:51 PM
I had one like that but hers was the garden, she refused to go outside into the garden but yet would gladly visit the park.

I tried making it fun, there was loads of outside toys so she couldn't have been bored.

Had a word with parents and even Ofsted both said to ignore it and carry on going outside so the others didn't miss out and not to worry about it.

I gave up trying to get her to join in eventually as I knew contract was coming to an end, I was moving house.

Perhaps get him to choose the songs you are going to sing, sorry not much help am I.
Start him off with just one song then let him go and sit down and do something different

Good luck

Carol xx

09-09-2008, 12:54 PM
I agree, the little boy I mind can be very independant and hates anything like dancing and singing but will join in with a drum or rattle, you could try using that sort of thing but I would also agree with the above, some just dont like certain things - a mindee I have wont get on a swing for toffee, my little girl loves them - different people like differnt things, maybe you could give him something else to do when you all sing etc??

09-09-2008, 12:55 PM
My youngest son is the same, he has sensory issues and finds singing and dancing quite painful and uncomfortable, so not all children find it fun.

09-09-2008, 01:00 PM
Oh, funny! I just posted asking very much the same thing for one of my mindees!:) Except my mindee will join he group, he just won't react to songs ro dances or do any of the movements, bless. He just sits or stands there watching.

Can you whoop it up for the benefit of your mindee and make him aware of how much fun he's missing out on? Or maybe sit with him and give him addedd support a few times to encourage him.

09-09-2008, 02:02 PM
You can't force this child to like singing and music . My husband is passionate about football but no matter how many matches he watches on tv that I have to endure, my complete lack of interest in them will never change! I have had children before who do not like arts and crafts which I always found it hard to grasp and I will never forget my nephew asking me to do this bit as we made paper mâché masks because he hates getting dirty- 10 years on and he is still the only boy to come off a football pitch pristine.
This is what makes this child unique and rather than worrying I would use this as a great way to demonstrate to Ofsted how you appreciate and consider his interests when planning your week-don't stop doing singing for the others but don't try to force the issue either- he will hear the songs you are singing and benefit from this but if he choses to go and play instead, I'd be inclined to leave him be.

09-09-2008, 02:28 PM
Well if you have tried and he just doesn't want to join in then the only thing is to let him do something else. If he changes his mind then you will gladly have him join in. Until then, perhaps he can do some colouring nearby where you can at least keep an eye on him, or let him look at books or play with something that he chooses.

Have you tried getting him involved with making an instrument that he can play or using quiet music perhaps. Grasping at straws now as I am sure you have done it all.

09-09-2008, 08:16 PM
If it was me and I'd tried all methods of encouragement then just leave him to have some "free play". He obviously doesnt feel comfortable singing and dancing-at least you can say you tried.

Is there any chance of trying a one-on-one session with him whilst the other mindees do something else. Something a bit more private-it could e he feels insecure and maybe embarassed. Children are "funny" things, probably why they are so loveable.

09-09-2008, 08:22 PM
I think the musical instruments is a good idea - why not let the mindees make some and see if that encourages him to join in with songs afterwards.

Otherwise I think you might have to accept that he just doesn't want to do this

Miffy xx