own pre-school child and other mindees

[samgeordie]

ive only been minding a month and have 2 part-timers - a before/afterschooler who is nearly 5 and a 16mth who is 2 afternoons with hours increasing soon.

I have my own daughter who is nearly 4 and attends nursery for a couple of hours in the morning. Generally she has been well behaved with me starting minding and plays fine with the mindees, however the past few days she has started playing up big time with the after schooler, there is a lot of competition between them, she hates it if mindee holds my hand, won't take her turn and yesterday afternoon it was really bad. I got her to take time out while the mindee was here but she ended up in her bed early and won't be getting any tv or treats today.

Do you think she is not liking me giving the mindee my attention, I guess there is some jealousy, I try and be fair to both of them and the mindee can play up as well and hates it when my child copies her. I guess its going to take time for everyone to adjust to the new stetting but please tell me it will get better. Ive been explaining everything to her and she was fine about everything until we were back in the playground yesterday and she had a tantrum cos she wasn't in the middle of us.

How do you deal with this? I went to bed all wound up thinking am I doing the right thing.

Thanks

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I think she just feels threatened by the mindee as they are taking away your attention.

Persevere and it will calm down. Maybe once they have all gone give her some 1 on 1 time

[Bushpig]

She needs to get used to the change in her home. It's a big thing for kids, they can feel quite territorial at times! And possessive of their mum's time and attention naturally :) I would give her extra hugs during the day and then ensure to have that 1-on-1 when the mindees have gone home.

[sarah707]

What she's going through is a perfectly normal bit of sibling rivalry.

She will eventually realise how good it is to have you at home...

Don't be worried about it... just be consistent and fair and she'll get there in the end.

[christine e]

It is very difficult for your child your her mum and she is having to share you and her home etc etc, be patient with her and try to reassure her that she is special to you and when everyone has gone home try to have some special time for her, try looking at it from her point of view or try thinking how you would have felt as a very young child if you mum had been a childminder

Cx

[bubbles]

I've just been through exactly the same thing with my son. I started minding in May. My son was great for the first few weeks but then started playing up big time. I mind a little girl who is only 6 weeks older then my son (they are both 4) and they were constantly fighting. They were constantly winding each other up and then crying when one of them got hurt!

I just tried to be consistant with my son which was hard because the way i discipline him is to put him in his room for time out. This is very hard to do when i've got other mindees to watch! He has got a lot better now. I make sure i give him special time when the other children have gone and if i see he's getting a bit jealous of the other's getting attention, i ask him to be my helper in some way because this makes him feel important!

It will get better. I was at the point where i was thinking that i was going to have to stop minding because it was having such a bad effect on my son, but then everything clicked into place and things settled down. The problem i'm having now is that they've both started at different big schools and are missing each other. He has told me he's got bellyache today and has not gone in school but think it was just an excuse to play with mindee because she's not in school until this afternoon! Though in his defence, he does keep having moments where he comes to me for a cuddle saying his belly hurts so maybe he is telling the truth:)

Hope things settle down for you soon.

[fluffysocks]

This is something I think I am going to have when i start childminding. My daughter gets very possessive over me, I had a potential family come to see me and I sat on the floor so I was able to talk to the children and not just their parents and my daughter sat on my lap the whole time! She doesnt normally sit like that!!

I am hoping that consistancy is the key! and definately going to make a thing of doing something with my two after mindees have gone home-even if its just splashing in the bath with them!