Expectations and attending events

[mumofone]

Does anyone else get the expectation from others that because you're a childminder you are free to go to all school events? I'm fed up of parents assuming because i care for their child that i have to follow their child around to their events and trips and also I find it hard/impossible to get to my own childs events when I am responsible for caring for other children. Grrr rant over !

[chris goodyear]

No I've never been asked to do that and I wouldn't either. If I've been able to get to my own children/grandchildren's school sports days/ Christmas concerts or such like, which is rare as it doesn't coincide with mindees pick ups, then if older mindees are in the same school obviously I would be there for them also. If I was able and wanted to go for the sake of the mindee I would but that's my choice. I think it's unfair of the parents to ask this of you so just stick to your guns and say it's not possible.

[bunyip]

I’ve been asked to do this sort of thing. I’ve done it where practicable and declined where it’s too much of an inconvenience for other mindees/parents. Some children like to see a familiar face who they know has come specifically to watch them, but I wouldn’t go if it meant mindees missing toddler group, or messed up another parent's drop off/pick up arrangements.

I think it’s a perfectly reasonable thing for a parent to request, But a request should never amount to an expectation. If a parent expected it, I’d almost certainly refuse out of hand.

Is there a particular reason you don’t want to go?

[loocyloo]

I go to as many mindees activities as i possibly can, as long as it doesn't generally effect another parents pick up/drop off or majorly impact sleep times! i think most of my parents have dropped off, or picked up from school, and no one has ever complained, because they can see the benefits for the children that are there having someone for 'THEM' and also, the younger children generally love going along. I'm lucky, school will often invite me along to all sorts of events because the children will enjoy it! often i am there along with the parents ! i love seeing their excited faces.

i take minded children along to all sorts of my own childrens events too!

i have never taken minded children on a school trip, or at least, to the detriment of the other minded children. BUT, last week, i was invited along on the preschool trip to the farm. i drove, rather than take 4 small children on a coach ( !!! ) , but we had a lovely day, and only one of 'my' children actually attends that preschool!

in a few weeks, i shall be going to sports day on my 'day off' because i know that one pair of mindees won't have anyone there, plus i like to support all my children if i can. if i had a prior arrangement, i wouldn't change it though!

like bunyip though - if it became 'expected' or an 'order' then i definitely wouldn't go, but actually, i train my parents very quickly to understand that telling me what i am going to do is NOT the way it works!

[Maza]

Now you see, I'm so nosey when it comes to schools/nurseries that I would have loved to have gone.

I was never asked - only ever had one mindee who was also in a nursery. They were short on space and so only two tickets were ever allocated and both parents used to go. His nursery was also quite far away and so I wouldn't have wanted to take other mindees anyway, but I do think they would have loved to see each other in little plays. It would also have been fascinating to see mindees in another setting, and honestly, I think their little face would light up if they saw their minder and mindees there for them, and that would brighten up your day and banish any negative feelings of the inconvenience of it all.


Having said that though, if someone expects you to do something then it takes all the fun out of it and makes you resentful - I have been in that position and you almost feel like you are being controlled. I have had to change my days at work for next year and I am so sad that I will now be working Fridays, which is when most stuff at DD's school happens. Being a working parent is HARD, but being self employed you have the advantage of being able to book off the odd day/morning if there is somewhere that you really want to be for your son. I used to book the day off for DD's nativity each year. I would take the mindees along to Christmas/Summer fairs at her school and we would all have a nice time.

Hope you're not feeling down.

[mama2three]

Like many of you I love to attend the special days of my mindees, and my smaller ones come along too where possible. The mindees sometimes haven’t got another grownup who can be there for them . Sometimes parents are there and it strengthens that relationship too. It strengthens the sense of community of my smaller ones who come along , chances are they will come to the same school in the future and it helps with transition. School plays , sports day , workshops ...we look forward to them .
Sometimes parents expect /assume I’ll be going , I can’t blame them really as it’s become the norm. I would just tell them if I wasn’t going for whatever reason.

[bunyip]

I find it increasingly difficult to take EY mindees to school events.

School now makes it virtually impossible to take a pushchair. Then, when we’re inside, all the mindees can see is the fat backside of some selfish mummy standing up to take a pointless, dark, grainy video of her little darling whining tunelessly, to later post on Bragbook with blatant disregard for the school's pathetic entreaties to respect the children’s privacy. :(

[Dragonfly]

I find our local school really hard to take a pushchair in also. Childminders also seem to be put at the back of halls when we attend plays etc so I also only get to see half as people do stand up with phones etc taking pictures/ videos or whatever.hence I don’t go much now.

[FussyElmo]

I will go if its convenient. However our school does events like sports on 3 different days.

I will make the effort especially if they dont have anyone to go for them. I have also done library visits so they dont feel like they are the only ones missing out.

But as always you do want suits you what works for one doesnt work for another.

[Maza]

Mumofone, if you do go, to make yourself feel better remember to put it on your SEF (or whatever it is that you do now). Like someone above said, it strengthens partnerships with parents and other agencies. If you have other mindees who might go to that school, like mama2three said, it helps with transition - so again, get it on your SEF.

My last Ofsted inspector asked about how I help with transition to school/nursery. She was a part time inspector and a reception teacher for the other half of the week, so she was hot on transitions! She gave examples of what she would be looking for if it was a graded inspection (mine was a no children on role inspection, so I didn't have to prove anything above and beyond). She said things like walking past the school with the child - so if you actually go into a school with a pre-schooler then even better - get it on your SEF.

I do remember once though, a mindees family (who were really waring me down at the time anyway) were quite forceful when they invited me to his birthday party on a Saturday. Like you say, they just expected me to go. I didn't want to go because it was on my weekend, had other plans and I really needed a break from this family (they were the ones who used to do noisy pick ups and drop offs). So I do get where you are coming from. If you can build it into your working day though, make it so that it is to your advantage.