Trouble with a mindee

[x Rose x]

Hi there, I have got a mindee who has been with me for 6 months, she is 7 years old; she seemed really lovely when we met up, I have her on a Monday and Wesnessay after school. I had a warning from a friend who works at her school and she told me to watch this girl as she hits other kids in the play ground.
As it happens I noticed within her first month with me that she was quite sneaky, bossy to my daughters who are 5 and 3 years old.
She doesn't like other mindees here and starts snatching toys from them as well as my 5 year old.
She is really winding my 5 year old up and i really dont know what to do, she is nice when i'm watching but is mean and spiteful when i'm out the room (she says for dinner so I have to go and cook) snatching toys and pushing my daughter and is quite sneaky when she thinks you can't see, she's an only child and i dont think she really gets a lot of support at home.
Her former childminder had her since 9 months and gave her up 6 months ago as she couldn't collect her from school anymore (I'm starting to wonder now!)
Her aunt would have this girl on a Tuesday and Thursday but she can't have her anymore as she has ill children. Parents have asked if I could have this girl for those two extra days but I've refused and said I'm full. 2 days a week is hard enough!

I am seeing traits in my daughter i have never seen before (I got it 1st- being a sentence she'd never put together herself, and she has started hitting and pulling pushing and shouting and i have NEVER seen any of that before from her no matter who we've played with) i dont think i am handling it well and I try my best to stick up for them both equally but its hard to know as the mindee tells tales, lies bare faced to me about whats happened. It's getting to the point where me as well as my 5 year old dred to having this mindee here.

Her parents say she needs to 'deal' with me having other mindees here and she has to learn to share and not snatch.

This evening I found my 5 year old daughter's toothbrush douced in handwash, I can't prove it was this mindee or another 5 year old mindee but highly unlikely as this 5 year old mindee gets on well with my daughter.

I feel like all i have done since she arrived is 'referee', i am finding it hard to warm to her.

I think she needs more love and attention in her life but I cant give it to her as i'm struggling to like her!

[sarah707]

While it is good to support a child please remember the Eyfs states that if an older child is impacting on outcomes for the little ones you must give notice...

EYFS requirement 3.41 - Any care provided for older children must not adversely affect the care of children receiving early years provision.

Prioritise your own children - every time - they are most important :D

[bunyip]

While it is good to support a child please remember the Eyfs states that if an older child is impacting on outcomes for the little ones you must give notice...

EYFS requirement 3.41 - Any care provided for older children must not adversely affect the care of children receiving early years provision.

Prioritise your own children - every time - they are most important :D

Sarah is absolutely correct.

You must log every incident to date and henceforth. Given that you can't prove very much at this point, it would be unwise to give immediate notice, but you might wish to terminate with the due notice period. Consider offering them the option to leave early with a refund if they can find a quick replacement, assuming this is affordable for you to make the offer.

If you wish to continue, get the parents in for a meeting to work on her behaviour together.* Be straight with them, outline your suspicions, but don't accuse the child of anything you can't prove. Stick to the point that the regulations only allow you to care for an older child if there is no adverse effect on younger children.

*Note: some parents like to think they can 'outsource' some of the more difficult aspects of parenting, such as managing unwanted behaviour. There are some things in your post which leave me wondering if you are dealing with just such a situation.

Call me cynical (don't worry, it's been said before) but I can't help wondering about the aunt who can't have her any more before her children are ill. I'm wondering those children are ill and covered in bruises.

Personally, I would go for the meeting with the parents and a 'second chance'. If they refuse (or ultimately fail) to cooperate, or they immediately take a defensive line (as in "how dare you accuse my daughter.....?") then I'd give notice.

[watford wizz]

Good advice given. It's another of the toughies with this job, we just can't "put right" every child so don't expect yourself to change 6 plus years of Learnt behaviour.
It's all part of our learning to, perhaps a longer settling in, learning to ask different questions at the initial interview stage. Listening to your inner voice.
Sounds like this child needs more than you can offer at this time.

[blue bear]

To be honest I'd be giving notice, this is your child's home

[Ripeberry]

Your own children must always come first :thumbsup: