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View Full Version : Really need an advise on this childminding situation please!!



Mind12
07-03-2017, 10:05 PM
how to deal with this situation and convey to parent the same in as gentle way possible..

Just have a small concern thought i will take advise on this as it is a bit sensitive situation.
Currently Iam minding a pretoddler child who is happy and playful. Its been more than three months since I have the child with me fulltime. This parent coincidentally choose me through another parent's reference as they had very bad experience with a previous carer(their previous childminder said that this little girl was hardly walking but her previous childminder left her in backyard and got bad bumps bruises so left her straight away). So I'm taking lot of extra care and providing extra support to parents with the regular feedbacks to make sure they feel confident about me too.
Yes they did finally seem very happy but normally they are too conscious about every simple thing about the child(I understand as a parent we do but its really more keen like compared to any other parent i worked with so far, I am a mother too)

I have been patiently positively responding, updating everything and indeed caring more because of their sensitivity.watching her every second.
Though the child is happy everyday with no single cries, everyday the mamy of kid stay for atleast 10minutes and even when leaving, another 10 minutes which is now making the child make a cry as they leave in morning. Because they keep staying with her. Just these days everyday the child started expecting them stay too so cries before they leave and they wont leave if she even wont say goodbye to them.

I feel shy to tell them but usually most of parents leave kids from outside so child is prepared that way, sometimes is acceptable. Can you please help me advise on how to let them understand in a real nice way that if they do this everyday, this child wont like staying anywhere?and if am getting more kids to mind it will be too difficult to settle the child everyday like this.

And also i understand initially they might want to know if the child got any hurts, but these days everytime the kid look a little pink anywhere on the face, the mamy keeps questioning me if she fall or any acident or cried, sometimes it annoys as its so light pink but still asks me so many times. This little girl gets pinkish even when laugh a lot or a toy fall she looks pink. i feel scared to take her out because of her mamy now. how to make her understand gently please help, its a bit hurting me too.

BallyH
08-03-2017, 06:11 PM
how to deal with this situation and convey to parent the same in as gentle way possible..

Just have a small concern thought i will take advise on this as it is a bit sensitive situation.
Currently Iam minding a pretoddler child who is happy and playful. Its been more than three months since I have the child with me fulltime. This parent coincidentally choose me through another parent's reference as they had very bad experience with a previous carer(their previous childminder said that this little girl was hardly walking but her previous childminder left her in backyard and got bad bumps bruises so left her straight away). So I'm taking lot of extra care and providing extra support to parents with the regular feedbacks to make sure they feel confident about me too.
Yes they did finally seem very happy but normally they are too conscious about every simple thing about the child(I understand as a parent we do but its really more keen like compared to any other parent i worked with so far, I am a mother too)

I have been patiently positively responding, updating everything and indeed caring more because of their sensitivity.watching her every second.
Though the child is happy everyday with no single cries, everyday the mamy of kid stay for atleast 10minutes and even when leaving, another 10 minutes which is now making the child make a cry as they leave in morning. Because they keep staying with her. Just these days everyday the child started expecting them stay too so cries before they leave and they wont leave if she even wont say goodbye to them.

I feel shy to tell them but usually most of parents leave kids from outside so child is prepared that way, sometimes is acceptable. Can you please help me advise on how to let them understand in a real nice way that if they do this everyday, this child wont like staying anywhere?and if am getting more kids to mind it will be too difficult to settle the child everyday like this.

And also i understand initially they might want to know if the child got any hurts, but these days everytime the kid look a little pink anywhere on the face, the mamy keeps questioning me if she fall or any acident or cried, sometimes it annoys as its so light pink but still asks me so many times. This little girl gets pinkish even when laugh a lot or a toy fall she looks pink. i feel scared to take her out because of her mamy now. how to make her understand gently please help, its a bit hurting me too.

Oh dear poor you, you seem very upset which I would be also. Not one of my parents comes into my house at drop off in the mornings. Everyone says 'goodbye' to their child at the front door. I close the door and take the child's coat and shoes off.
As the child and mum are upset by her delaying and staying at your house ask to speak to her and say 'can we try another way. Say goodbye at the door. Yes the child will cry because it is a new routine but over a period of a few days or a week she will get use to it' Ask the mum to work with you to try the new routine for 2 weeks and then if her child is still crying then you will have to chat again and agree to think of something else. |

Good luck.

Mouse
08-03-2017, 07:10 PM
That all sounds very stressful for you :(

When I need to speak to parents about something like this I always start off with something positive and always stress that this is for the child's benefit.

I had a child who was very similar - very happy during the day, but always cried at drop off as their parent came in with them, making it worse.
I spoke to mum and said how lovely it was to see their child so happy in the day time (that's the positive thing) and what a shame it was that the day started with them getting so upset. I said I hated to see the child upset and I wanted to try a different morning routine which I felt would make the hand over so much easier for them (that's the bit that's for the child's benefit). I said that for the next few weeks (keeping the time scale vague) we should try handing the child over at the door and see if that works better. I said I'd tried that approach with other children and it had worked really well. Mum was a bit unsure, but I was firm and we started handing over at the door. For the first 2 days the child cried but after that he would run in quite happily. After a week and a half I said to mum that she must be really pleased at how well it was going and how we'd keep doing it that way. She couldn't really say no!

As for the other issue you've got with the parent, I think you need to decide if you want to carry on caring for this child if you feel the parents don't trust you. Some parents are naturally very anxious, especially if they've had a bad experience already, but they either trust you or they don't. I think I would have to explain to mum how she was making me feel by the constant questioning and would suggest that if she couldn't begin to trust me I don't know if I could carry on caring for the child.

If you don't feel you can speak to the parents face to face, why not put something in a letter or email? That way you have time to check it through before sending it, or get someone else to have a quick read to see if it sounds OK.

Good luck. It isn't going to be easy to deal with but you'll find it's a massive relief once you've brought it up.

chris goodyear
10-03-2017, 02:21 PM
how to deal with this situation and convey to parent the same in as gentle way possible..

Just have a small concern thought i will take advise on this as it is a bit sensitive situation.
Currently Iam minding a pretoddler child who is happy and playful. Its been more than three months since I have the child with me fulltime. This parent coincidentally choose me through another parent's reference as they had very bad experience with a previous carer(their previous childminder said that this little girl was hardly walking but her previous childminder left her in backyard and got bad bumps bruises so left her straight away). So I'm taking lot of extra care and providing extra support to parents with the regular feedbacks to make sure they feel confident about me too.
Yes they did finally seem very happy but normally they are too conscious about every simple thing about the child(I understand as a parent we do but its really more keen like compared to any other parent i worked with so far, I am a mother too)

I have been patiently positively responding, updating everything and indeed caring more because of their sensitivity.watching her every second.
Though the child is happy everyday with no single cries, everyday the mamy of kid stay for atleast 10minutes and even when leaving, another 10 minutes which is now making the child make a cry as they leave in morning. Because they keep staying with her. Just these days everyday the child started expecting them stay too so cries before they leave and they wont leave if she even wont say goodbye to them.

I feel shy to tell them but usually most of parents leave kids from outside so child is prepared that way, sometimes is acceptable. Can you please help me advise on how to let them understand in a real nice way that if they do this everyday, this child wont like staying anywhere?and if am getting more kids to mind it will be too difficult to settle the child everyday like this.

And also i understand initially they might want to know if the child got any hurts, but these days everytime the kid look a little pink anywhere on the face, the mamy keeps questioning me if she fall or any acident or cried, sometimes it annoys as its so light pink but still asks me so many times. This little girl gets pinkish even when laugh a lot or a toy fall she looks pink. i feel scared to take her out because of her mamy now. how to make her understand gently please help, its a bit hurting me too.

Maybe they would be better off with a nanny who could work in their house and the little girl will be the nanny's sole child so can give 100% attention.