Advice please

[Sarah70]

Hi, this is my first time posting on here and I'm hoping for some advice please. I'm looking after a 18 month old, Monday to Friday 8-6.30 last week and this week he's just staying 8-4 as mum wants to settle him in slowly. I also take his sister to and from school, she's 9. If I'm out and about in the buggy the little boy is fine, no problems at all. As soon as he sees the front door and we come home to my house he screams non stop, there's no tears just noise but he doesn't stop so clearly upset. I also have a 3 year and 4 year old in my care who are friendly outgoing children. For the last 7 days I've had him he's like it during the day for the whole day, I've tried everything with toys/resources at home. I've had to leave library, toddler groups etc with the other two children as he's just screaming the whole time, and whatever I try and do nothing works for example at my house or toddlers or the library he's either in my arms or on the floor just screaming, he's not interested in any toys, books nothing. When I do the afternoon school run he's fine in the buggy as soon as we get home that's it he gets out and screams and then his mum arrives at 4 and hears him crying and then shes distressed. I've done this job for a while and it's takes some children more time to settle in then others that's normal but right now I feel like I'm failing as a childminder. I'm thinking ahead to next week when I have him until 6.30 along with the school children and I'm imagining him just screaming and I can't see to the other children with dinner etc, also his sister has said a couple of times why's he crying so much he's not like that at home. Sorry for the long winded message, if any of you have any advice at all I would appreciate any help. Sorry I forgot to say he's had 3 settling in session over the last month. Thank you Sarah

[sarah707]

Some children really struggle in new settings :/ it's so hard for everyone including you.

Time normally resolves the problem but it can take a while and only you know how long you can cope with the upset.

We have a cosy space for the little ones to sit and favourite toys in a small basket.

A home visit might help the little one to see you as a friend as well.

hugs x

[moggy]

Agree with Sarah707 but also have you tried bringing the buggy inside so he can stay in his safe-haven and observe whats going on? It can take weeks to settle so it is still early days for you. Don't feel bad for leaving him in the buggy a lot of the day (if that does help) as it is giving him the security he needs to gradually be able to manage activities when he is ready. I have heard of this working for some little ones.

[blue bear]

I had a lo who was secure in the buggy and we brought it indoors,we had it indoors for a number of weeks, to begin with she sat in it snuggled with her mussy. Then in it but playing with odd toys, then in it but playing at the table, then out but holding onto it, the out but next to it. Slowly slowly did it.
I found when things got too much a walk around the garden looking a the clouds, trees birds etc always helped to calm her, also not to ask her to much question or even to talk to her a lot,she preferred to sit and sort of thaw out in her own time.

[Sarah70]

The buggy is in my hallway and if the little one is in it as long as I'm pushing it up and down he's absolutely fine and he loves being outside on walks etc, the problem is when we get back to the house. I feel absolutely terrible as there is nothing I seem to do to help soothe him. I just can't work out why he's fine with me on walks but hates it in the house. Since I started childminding I have never closed my door at the end of the working day and cried but today I did and it's awful seeing his sister and mum upset too.

[Maza]

I also had a nine month old who was fine at my home but would cry if we were went to playgroup or the library. He liked to stay in his pushchair, like others have said. Then he would sit next to his pushchair or on my lap. Eventually he was running around as if he owned the place.

I also had another one who would settle with a bit of tv. It was familiar to him and just took his mind off where he was. Once he had relaxed and calmed down he was in a better frame of mind and able o play and explore a bit. With time he didn't need the tv. I never felt guilty because I remembered a time when I was away from home and feeling homesick as an adult, and a bit tv was comforting to me too. His parents commented on it - they were happier to leave him with me and the tv rather than drop him off distraught. They knew we didn't watch it all day.

[bunyip]

You have my sympathy. I had a 'screamer' a couple of years back. Coincidentally, he also quietened on pushchair walks, but you can't spend ten hours a day walking the streets and still keep every child happy.

I can't offer a solution as I never found one, despite trying everything I reasonably could try. Besides, my one was tied up with a lack of cooperation/honesty from the parents, so the circumstances probably differ too much to make it relevant to your situation.

The one piece of advice I will give is to know when to quit if that clearly becomes the obvious way. And don't blame yourself or think you have to keep going for someone else's sake. I persisted with my 'screamer' for nearly four months. If I'd been sensible, I'd not have given it beyond four weeks. I even knew at the four-week stage that there was a 90%+ likelihood that we'd be going our separate ways. Carrying on for too long probably made it worse for everybody. Well, almost everybody. I think mum and dad were just relieved to offload a very challenging child on any poor s0d who'd have them. It was stressful and upsetting for me and Mrs bunyip, and terribly unfair on all the other mindees, who got starved of my attention and spent months covering their ears.

I realise this is going to sound negative, as if you're destined to fail. I don't mean that at all. You're a different childminder with a different child, and every chance of a different outcome. All I mean is is to know when to draw the line and don't take it as a personal shortcoming if you have to do so.

So, I'd recommend you set a deadline for improvement or notice, and make it clear to the parents (unless they're the sort who'd react badly.) and decide now that it's not your fault if you've done your best and got nowhere.