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mumofone
25-07-2016, 08:45 PM
After some advice...new baby, about to do last settling in session but last one didn't go so well (baby screamed!) and an already anxious mum is now More so. She's asking for more settling in sessions but this eats in to my plans etc but would you always offer these or how would you play it?

Maza
25-07-2016, 09:04 PM
I always offer two sessions of one hour each - free of charge. I then say that more can be arranged if the parents request it but that they will be charged at my hourly rate. It might be easier in the long run for you all if you do offer extra sessions. You could be quite insistent that they are done at a time that suits you and your plans, so don't let mum insist that they are done at a certain time of day when you already have plans to be somewhere else.

mumofone
25-07-2016, 09:10 PM
I always offer two sessions of one hour each - free of charge. I then say that more can be arranged if the parents request it but that they will be charged at my hourly rate. It might be easier in the long run for you all if you do offer extra sessions. You could be quite insistent that they are done at a time that suits you and your plans, so don't let mum insist that they are done at a certain time of day when you already have plans to be somewhere else.

Thanks maza, due to time we're doing 3 in total of which I charge for each session.
Trouble is any further sessions will go over in to the time babies due to be with me anyway and they've paid for (does that make sense?!) so I kind of feel we may as well jump straight in and get on with it...but I don't want a screaming baby and I want parents to be happy too obviously...

Maza
25-07-2016, 09:52 PM
Oh, I see what you mean. So in effect, she wants to delay the start? This sounds awful, but money would determine where I go from here then. You don't want to be out of pocket - you were expecting the baby to start at such and such a date and have budgeted for it. Would the parents be expecting some kind of refund if they do more starting sessions instead of full days (seeing as they have already paid for the full days)? I wouldn't be wanting to agree to that personally. Maybe if the mum isn't yet back at work then she could come and collect baby an hour or two earlier - that way hopefully she wouldn't mind just losing out on a couple of hours worth of money, or if you decided to compromise on cost then it wouldn't be too much for you to lose out on.

Do you think it is genuinely an anxious mum wanting to do more of the shorter sessions for the good of her baby (perfectly plausible and reasonable) or do you think it is a mum who might be wanting to chop and change/negotiate regularly?

mumofone
26-07-2016, 06:19 AM
Oh, I see what you mean. So in effect, she wants to delay the start? This sounds awful, but money would determine where I go from here then. You don't want to be out of pocket - you were expecting the baby to start at such and such a date and have budgeted for it. Would the parents be expecting some kind of refund if they do more starting sessions instead of full days (seeing as they have already paid for the full days)? I wouldn't be wanting to agree to that personally. Maybe if the mum isn't yet back at work then she could come and collect baby an hour or two earlier - that way hopefully she wouldn't mind just losing out on a couple of hours worth of money, or if you decided to compromise on cost then it wouldn't be too much for you to lose out on. Do you think it is genuinely an anxious mum wanting to do more of the shorter sessions for the good of her baby (perfectly plausible and reasonable) or do you think it is a mum who might be wanting to chop and change/negotiate regularly?

She's not said yet she wants to delay the start date she just wants extra settling in sessions this week but I'd rather not (perhaps selfishly!) because I've other plans but perhaps I should....

I was wondering whether to write in to the contract that it's subject to a two week settling in period or something where either party can pull out if not working...then it covers us both.

I dont think she's trying to be awkward just is already anxious and then when the baby cried I think it's worried her even more so. I feel she's a bit unrealistic to think get baby not cry at all when with me though.

I have payment up front so could either refund totally (don't think I should) part refund or nothing I just don't know. I don't need the money or business desperately so it's more a case of I want to do what's fair and do what's right for all of us but equally don't want a screamer on my hands and a fraught parent!

moggy
26-07-2016, 06:55 AM
I am flexible with settling in- usually 2-3 sessions up to 1 hr, for no charge but only at times that suit me.
I also say that once contract and contracted hours start that I will let parent know if baby is very distressed and they are always welcome to collect early if they wish (so puts the ball in their court- I am not sending child home but I am letting them know how baby is so they can decide what they want to do).
Crying baby may or may not benefit from more short/settling sessions, or may be better to just get on with it... it has to fit with you though so say what you are willing to do and stick to that.

chris goodyear
26-07-2016, 07:05 AM
I always do a month settling in period so as you say anyone can terminate if not happy with no notice required. I find sometimes it can take that long for things to settle, all depends on the child.

mumofone
26-07-2016, 07:54 AM
I am flexible with settling in- usually 2-3 sessions up to 1 hr, for no charge but only at times that suit me. I also say that once contract and contracted hours start that I will let parent know if baby is very distressed and they are always welcome to collect early if they wish (so puts the ball in their court- I am not sending child home but I am letting them know how baby is so they can decide what they want to do). Crying baby may or may not benefit from more short/settling sessions, or may be better to just get on with it... it has to fit with you though so say what you are willing to do and stick to that.

Have you ever had to call parents to say baby is not settling? What have parents done?

mumofone
26-07-2016, 07:56 AM
I feel any more settling in sessions just delay the inevitable that at some point baby needs to spend a full day with me...I think calling parents and letting them know is probably best way forward....

moggy
26-07-2016, 01:01 PM
Have you ever had to call parents to say baby is not settling? What have parents done?

I have had mum pick up early (like an hour early) when baby has been really screaming and is unlikely to settle down and eat their dinner.
By saying to parent that you'll let them know if baby is really getting very distressed it helps the parent as they then know you won't just let baby scream all day without phoning them. They might not be able to get out of work to pick up anyway, but at least it makes them feel empowered by being able to make that decision themselves. Of course, some parents would rather not know- so it is always a case of discussing with parent how you want to handle that.

mumofone
26-07-2016, 01:38 PM
I have had mum pick up early (like an hour early) when baby has been really screaming and is unlikely to settle down and eat their dinner. By saying to parent that you'll let them know if baby is really getting very distressed it helps the parent as they then know you won't just let baby scream all day without phoning them. They might not be able to get out of work to pick up anyway, but at least it makes them feel empowered by being able to make that decision themselves. Of course, some parents would rather not know- so it is always a case of discussing with parent how you want to handle that.

Thanks moggy, I guess that's all I can realistically do...

mumofone
26-07-2016, 03:46 PM
Hmm so last settling in session didn't go well either. Well normal from my point of view but they left baby for ten minutes but heard them crying from the road so came back immediately! I can't help think they are waaay over reacting, news flash - babies cry! I'd rather not proceed with the contract as they seem too OTT to me but not sure how to play it whilst remaining professional, any advice?!

Maza
26-07-2016, 03:49 PM
Hmm so last settling in session didn't go well either. Well normal from my point of view but they left baby for ten minutes but heard them crying from the road so came back immediately! I can't help think they are waaay over reacting, news flash - babies cry! I'd rather not proceed with the contract as they seem too OTT to me but not sure how to play it whilst remaining professional, any advice?!

Oh dear. Is the mum going back to work soon? Is it imperative that she finds childcare?

mumofone
26-07-2016, 04:01 PM
Oh dear. Is the mum going back to work soon? Is it imperative that she finds childcare?

She's already gone back some days, I think family is covering other days at the moment...

moggy
26-07-2016, 04:45 PM
I'd be having a chat- explaining it is normal for baby to cry, it is a good sign- it means baby has a good attachment to mum and that by spending time with me baby will form that new bond with me and crying will reduce. Explain how I won't leave baby to cry, how I will use a sling (maybe?) or keep baby close by and help baby settle (comfort toy, something from mum/home etc). Explain how this is a normal stage and it will pass and that we'll talk everyday about how it is going, how I'll be completely honest about how baby is, that I'd call if baby is too distressed etc. I'd set a date to review the situation- do you have an initial 'settling in' part of the contract where either parties can give immediate notice? I usually review at the end of that time (about 4 weeks in).

mama2three
26-07-2016, 05:19 PM
I always tell parents that those settling in sessions are actually as much for the parents as for the child. With a small baby then yes going into full days may be fine , but mum isnt ready for that yet. Sounds like this mum will need some tlc and lots and lots of reassurance - extra settling in sessions are a start , but lots of photos of a smiley baby sent during those early days , your calm and professional demeanor , all help too.

mumofone
26-07-2016, 09:01 PM
Thanks everyone, I've offered up some extra settling in sessions and they're going to take the plunge in leaving baby with me with family on standby if baby doesn't settle after 30 mins! Not long but if that's what they want...
Wish me luck!!! :-) x

Maza
26-07-2016, 09:54 PM
Thanks everyone, I've offered up some extra settling in sessions and they're going to take the plunge in leaving baby with me with family on standby if baby doesn't settle after 30 mins! Not long but if that's what they want...
Wish me luck!!! :-) x

Let us know how you get on!

mumofone
27-07-2016, 02:38 PM
So another session not gone well. Baby refused bottle from me (not sure how you get round this one?!!). Cried when put down for nap...normal in my eyes but parents didn't want her left to cry.
I don't know whether to terminate things now or just out in contract that it's subject to a 2 week/4 week review.

Maza
27-07-2016, 02:52 PM
It's early days, so as you say it is normal. Is she rocked to sleep at home? How long did she cry for before she fell asleep - did she even fall asleep?

Does she take a bottle at home - ie, is she properly weaned from breastfeeding?

mumofone
27-07-2016, 03:02 PM
They wouldn't let me leave her longer than ten minutes to cry (think that was even a push for them), I would have left her 30 mins given the choice...
Apparently goes straight to sleep at home, no rocking or anything...
Weaned, on formula milk currently (don't know about previously)...

mumofone
27-07-2016, 03:03 PM
Didn't fall asleep but was showing tiredness cues earlier on

Maza
27-07-2016, 03:06 PM
Didn't fall asleep but was showing tiredness cues earlier on

Oh dear. As you say, early days, so normal. Only you know though whether you wan to carry on and persevere. Would it seem more manageable if the parents were not anxious?

mumofone
27-07-2016, 03:29 PM
Oh dear. As you say, early days, so normal. Only you know though whether you wan to carry on and persevere. Would it seem more manageable if the parents were not anxious?

Gosh yes, I think their angst is just making the situation worse, I think if they had the attitude of sorry, babies cry, let's hope she settles it would be better somehow! It's all this desperate ringing and family meetings(!) and not letting get cry for ten minutes which I'm finding so OTT and therefore I guess a bit wearing!!

loocyloo
27-07-2016, 03:50 PM
Gosh yes, I think their angst is just making the situation worse, I think if they had the attitude of sorry, babies cry, let's hope she settles it would be better somehow! It's all this desperate ringing and family meetings(!) and not letting get cry for ten minutes which I'm finding so OTT and therefore I guess a bit wearing!!

How do they know if you let babe cry for more than 10 minutes?

it can take us a little while to learn to read babes cues that they are tired, and also for babe to show the cues, in a new environment that may be more stimulating than they are used to. Babies learn to go to sleep differently in different environments, it may be that it is noisier at your house, so they are less inclined to go to sleep because they might miss out on some fun!

I also tell my parents, that I can't always answer the phone/text immediately, because I might be dealing with their or another child; reading a story, playing a game, changing a nappy, and that I will respond to messages when I can, of course, if it is an emergency, and they leave a message saying so ( or a zillion text messages :rolleyes: ) then I respond as soon as I can. There are times that I long for the 'olden days' when people only had a land line, and then, a lot of people didn't have answer phones!

good luck x

I have a new babe starting soon, and I sense I might be having the same issues! ( they wanted lots of settling in sessions, but because they faffed around about signing contracts, start dates etc, I have barely anything to offer them as settling visits, I just don't have the availability when they want it due to summer holidays! hey ho ... we might not even get as far as signing contracts! )

mumofone
27-07-2016, 04:00 PM
How do they know if you let babe cry for more than 10 minutes? it can take us a little while to learn to read babes cues that they are tired, and also for babe to show the cues, in a new environment that may be more stimulating than they are used to. Babies learn to go to sleep differently in different environments, it may be that it is noisier at your house, so they are less inclined to go to sleep because they might miss out on some fun! I also tell my parents, that I can't always answer the phone/text immediately, because I might be dealing with their or another child; reading a story, playing a game, changing a nappy, and that I will respond to messages when I can, of course, if it is an emergency, and they leave a message saying so ( or a zillion text messages :rolleyes: ) then I respond as soon as I can. There are times that I long for the 'olden days' when people only had a land line, and then, a lot of people didn't have answer phones! good luck x I have a new babe starting soon, and I sense I might be having the same issues! ( they wanted lots of settling in sessions, but because they faffed around about signing contracts, start dates etc, I have barely anything to offer them as settling visits, I just don't have the availability when they want it due to summer holidays! hey ho ... we might not even get as far as signing contracts! )

They left baby today and said try and put them down for a nap but told me if baby cried that I were to let them know as they would come and get them as baby never usually crys.
So I put down baby for a nap, baby cried. I left it ten minutes and then told them baby was crying at which point they came and got them!!

Bluebell
28-07-2016, 06:26 PM
gosh - this sounds very trying! I feel sorry for the parents as it seems they are making a rod for their own back :(
Not allowing the baby to be reassured by you and settle quickly into a routine is just making it harder for the child surely?
I think they have very unrealistic expectations and if they are like this now what will they be like if child is upset because feels poorly, lost a toy, got bumped by another child or if child has a scraped knee?

mumofone
03-08-2016, 01:48 PM
Ok so baby's settled a bit but can't crack the naps, any ideas?!

JCrakers
03-08-2016, 04:24 PM
Glad baby has settled a bit, Sometimes it just takes longer with some children. Parents coming round everytime she cries though isn't going to help at all. If they are going to trust you with their child then they need to trust you.

From experience I would just get into a routine, then baby hopefully will get used to it. If you're putting her down at the same time, same place and doing the same thing then she will get there. Don't make your life harder by agreeing to something that you cant do long term...like rocking her to sleep or stroking her back until she falls asleep etc. If you have other children its just not doable.

I think its just a matter of riding it out and just seeing how it goes...On the other hand I've had 1 child in my 22yrs that didn't settle at all, after 8 weeks. So I had to give notice as it was better for every one all round

mumofone
08-08-2016, 12:54 PM
Glad baby has settled a bit, Sometimes it just takes longer with some children. Parents coming round everytime she cries though isn't going to help at all. If they are going to trust you with their child then they need to trust you. From experience I would just get into a routine, then baby hopefully will get used to it. If you're putting her down at the same time, same place and doing the same thing then she will get there. Don't make your life harder by agreeing to something that you cant do long term...like rocking her to sleep or stroking her back until she falls asleep etc. If you have other children its just not doable. I think its just a matter of riding it out and just seeing how it goes...On the other hand I've had 1 child in my 22yrs that didn't settle at all, after 8 weeks. So I had to give notice as it was better for every one all round

Yeh Mum wants me to take her out for a walk to get her off to sleep but it's just not doable with multiple children because it doesn't always fit their routine, I need for her to be able to sleep in the cot.

mumofone
17-08-2016, 09:11 AM
Any tips on how to get a baby to sleep who won't self settle gratefully received! This baby does not want to nap for me!!

Lal
17-08-2016, 09:19 AM
I notice you say you can't go out for a walk but could you rock the baby in a pram/ buggy in the garden? I find that it works for reluctant sleepers here.

Maza
24-03-2021, 07:19 PM
I know this is an old, old thread, but I was just looking up old posts on settling in sessions and this came up.

Mumofone - if you happen to pop on over the next few days, how did you get on with this little one? Did he/she ever settle? I would love to know, lol!

mumofone
25-03-2021, 10:09 PM
Haha its funny reading this back. They ended up staying with me until aged 3 and were a very solid customer. I cant recall now at which point the child settled but they did. Not the smiliest of children but certainly settled. The parents were very anxious though so i was quite glad when they moved on even though they were lovely.