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View Full Version : Not sure how to handle this.



windles
24-07-2016, 01:43 PM
Hi everyone.

I took on a 14 month old baby in Jan this year the mum is the sister of a family i worked with years ago im very close to the whole family.
My problem is this I have done three late night babysitting favours for them and a Saturday all day. As i work from 7am until 6.30pm all week you can imagine anything on top of that is exhausting. Anyway a few weeks ago I had a really nasty infection in my jaw and as we all do I carried on regardless. At the end of that week the day i started my cocktail of anti biotics and pain killers she told me that hubby had come home with a chest infection and as she was going to a concert the next day she asked if I would be able to look after the baby. I said no because i was too ill to do it and too be honest was quite angry she had even asked me. The next morning Saturday at 7.30am she messaged me asking is there was anyway i could look after the baby as dad was still not well i again refused. I was asked to have him Friday evening from 7.30pm until 11.30pm because they both had a night out planned she messaged me today and asked if there was anyway i could have the baby overnight as they really wanted to make a night of it. I have said no to the overnight now is it me or am i being taken for granted abit. Im re sorting out paperwork and contracts etc for September and would really like to get a hold on everything.


Sorry for the rant but if my hubby finds out hes gonna hit the roof.

JoRo163
24-07-2016, 02:01 PM
They are taking advantage. Stick to your guns and say no. You need time off to spend with your own family and relax. I find the more you bend over backwards for certain families, the more they expect from you. I learnt this the hard way of course. I had a family exactly like this, did full time mon-fri for them, then extras at the weekend that I didn't really want to do, but did anyway. Now, I don't do any weekend favours at all. Ever. I also don't babysit. I stick to my usual working hours and that's it. You need to be tough and consistent, then there's no room for them to keep asking for more and more and more. Would they expect a nursery to open on a weekend to cover their social life? Of course not...

windles
24-07-2016, 02:07 PM
I hate being such a people pleaser. I have recently given notice to my assistant because she was taking advantage so from middle
of next month im returning to working by myself. I want to start having a life again my kids are all grown up now.
Thank you for the advice.

chris goodyear
24-07-2016, 04:43 PM
I agree with JoRo163. they are definitely taking advantage and using you as their own personal nanny! fine if that's what you are - but you're not! I also learnt the hard way so now I don't do any favours (paid or otherwise) I work my 55 hour week and that's it. You could look upon it as a compliment as they don't seem to want to leave the baby with anyone else but you are not there just for them. We tend to worry about the children and their families but they will cope. My husband died unexpectedely last December and I could only give all my families 1 hour notice - but they all managed to sort things. Stick to your guns, you'll be glad you did in the end.

singingcactus
25-07-2016, 09:52 AM
I don't know that they are actually taking advantage, because they are asking you rather than just assuming. However, they are certainly blurring the lines. I think they are seeing you as family, and an aunty/grandma to the baby so they are treating you like you are family. Which means they are asking for too much.
You probably need to reset boundaries with them, but try not to feel upset or offended by them. It sounds like they love you and trust you 100% and assume that you love the child the same way they do (I know we all love all (most) of our mindees with all of our hearts, but it is a different love to a parents love). You must be an awesome childminder for them to feel they would prefer you rather than anyone else to care for their little one. But you do need to redefine boundaries, you absolutely do need time off. Regular time off.

Good luck x

watford wizz
25-07-2016, 12:09 PM
I don't mind doing "extra" hours, overnights, week ends, evenings. I have worked for many families who need non conventional hours friends one offs, doctors, nurses, carers, kitchen staff, cleaners, so am used to juggling my hours, doing long days. It's always in my own home and always contracted, even if it's an occasional extra. I do take one day a week off from minding and my charges reflect the hours.
You just have to be firm, take charge and make sure your pay is worth the hard work. If your not happy to do the "extra" hours don't.
It's your business and your it's most important asset so be stong and business like.

LCM123
25-07-2016, 09:27 PM
I think they're crossing a fine line. I honestly can't believe they've had the cheek to ask you again when you already said no because you were poorly. You need to be firm but fair with them otherwise they will put into you more and more. I done a great course through my local childminding network which was about having the confidence to say "no" and be assertive with it. The lady who delivered the course shared the quote "saying no to somebody else is like saying yes to yourself". I used to work weekends, early mornings and late nights but I felt put onto and started to get down. After following her advice, I've clarified the boundaries, been consistent with them and am much happier x

sarah707
26-07-2016, 07:28 AM
We are usually happy to do extra hours between us and babysit for all our children - we are being paid to provide a service and if we can't do it we say 'no' without feeling guilty.

I think you need to sit down during the contract review and agree what you are and are not prepared to do for this family.

Hopefully you will reach a compromise you are both happy with x