Baby possessive of mummy when trying to childmind

[BlondeMoment]

Oh my giddy aunt I'm actually going mad :panic:

I've been back at work as a childminder since my baby boy was 6 months old. He always used to love the children, giggling at them and watching them play.
He is now 18 months old and to start with I thought he was just a bit poorly one day but it's becoming a regular thing that as soon as they turn up he clings and screams and becomes very possessive of me. There is a little spearation anxiety going on at the moment too.
He is fine when they're not here. He potters around playing with his toys but as soon as they arrive he just wants to be held and even then that's not enough.
I can't get on with anything! He won't let me do any activities with the others and sometimes I can't even have a conversation with a parent without having to shout over him.
I just don't know what to do. I feel he is too young for time out and that would just make him worse. He doesn't have a lot of language yet so very hard to explain things to.
I'm so exhausted. My job has become a battle ground because of my own little boy.
Does anyone have any experience or solutions/ ideas to help?
Just had a horrible horrible morning with all our Easter activity plans ruined. Got a throbbing headache and feel a failure.

[Maza]

Don't be so hard on yourself! How many other jobs can you think of where your baby would be with you? How many 8 month old babies would let their mums have a business meeting in peace, or chat to clients? Although we think of our jobs as 'child friendly', it is still a job, and jobs take us away from being a parent who can give 1-1 attention to our babies.

Maybe change the pace/focus a little bit of your childminding so that it is less activity based for a while and more of an environment where children can get on with things themselves but are still learning through play. Sit back a bit and enjoy your little one - it doesn't mean that you are neglecting the others. Maybe then he will gradually start to relax a bit and not mind so much when you give attention to the others.

Is there a particular child that makes him react like this? My DD would get like this over one mindee who was very dominant. He was never horrible to her but I think she totally resented him dominating play in her house. It is so hard - you feel like you are being pulled in all directions and can't do right for doing wrong. x

[BlondeMoment]

Thanks Mazza.
You're so right I really do feel pulled in all directions.
We were with a childminder friend of ours today who suggested putting him in his own childcare setting away from us but I really don't want to do that.
I think I just need to manage things a bit better.
He isn't into joining in with activities as such. He just throws paints and paper/crayons etc on the floor but maybe I can give him a little something to do when I need to focus on the older ones for a while

[moggy]

I have had very jealous 18mth olds here (mindees jealous of me giving a new baby mindee attention/carries/hugs). It should pass- remind yourself all these things are phases!
Is it easier when you are out and about, in buggy or letting your 18mth old run about? I find all the squabbles and clinginess are less when we are out doing something, visiting somewhere, out for a walk etc.
And, as has been said, maybe have a week or two where you lay off the organised crafts/activities, go with what your own child wants, if the others are happy to play by themselves then have some 1:1 time with your own child so he dosen't feel pushed out.
As your own child gets older he will learn to play more with the others, or to play by himself more. And he'll learn that others have needs to... does he have a doll and dolls buggy/cot/bottle/dish and spoon etc so he can play at being a CMer too? It might help him learn about caring for others and give him a 'job' when you are doing a similar job for the other children?
I have seen CMers put their own child into childcare earlier or for longer hours than they really want to because of clashes/issues with other children and I think it is such a shame- remember why you are doing this job!

[moggy]

If he's not too heavy, have you tried putting him in a sling (on your back might be easiest so you can get on with things)- it might help get through this phase and in time he'll be fed up with being in the sling and want to get on and play!?

[BallyH]

What about temporarily changing drop offs and pickups with mindees? You say you have to talk loudly over parents so maybe contact all parents to say for a week or two whilst this stage passes you will maybe email them with their child's updates/happenings so that your own child doesn't get so upset if a parent stands and chats for ages and therefore cut down on the 'doorstep chatting'.