Behaviour

[cher25]

Hi, this will probably be another long thread so sorry in advance.

I look after 2 lo's, brother's. 1 is 4 and the other is 1 on saturday. Thought i'd have a little party tomorrow and have invited my after school only mindee down for it. So she can get to know them a bit before sept. Anyway went to tesco today with both children to get some food and things for the party, the 4 year old was helpful till we got to the aisle where the bday cakes are. 1st he seen a box open and decided to pick a piece of the cake. I didn't see him do it till it was too late, but some nosy women walking by was mortified! I told him nicely that he shouldn't have done that but didn't tell him off as i thought that's just kids for you and . Next thing he took off and started running about. Wouldn't listen to me at all, dissapeared for a few minutes, then started climbing all over the toilet rolls. Then when i asked him to come with me he refused, told me to go away and punched me twice and continued being cheeky. Started banging on the shelf and was making quite a show! I then did as we are supposed to and said i don't like this behaviour, when we got home i had a good chat to him and explained that i think he is a great boy but i don't like the behaviour at all, he then started talking about the behaviour as if it was another person inside of him. Are children supposed to be thinking like that? This wasn't the first time this week he has acted up, on monday i didn't know what to do and had to ring his mum,who then came home to talk to him(she works across the road). She did however have to run home and bring a dvd up in order to get him to behave.
Im so glad i only have those 2 at the moment, couldn't cope with anymore.

Anyway i seen the thread about not being able to say certain things to kids, including NO. So what am i supposed to do with a child who picks things up in shops and won't back down without throwing a strop and won't do anything he is told, then stands there crying? He hears the words No and naughty at home. What do you all do, im at a loss with this. Just hope his dad isn't too harsh on him tonight.

Im sorry this is soooo long. Hope you don't mind. Any advice would be really appreciated.

Cher.

[Pipsqueak]

Record the whole incident for a start. Make an appointment with Mum/Dad and see if there are any particualar triggers and a plan of action between you. Draw up some basic rules with this child - keep them simple and few to start with.

Sorry to disagree but I find it perfectly acceptable to say No to a child.

As for him punching you - this needs to be nipped in the bud quickly.

Could this child be feeling a bit put out that so much attention is being directed at younger sib - what with birthday coming up? Have their been other incidents? Is he like this at home?

To give him a DVD to "get him to behave" is defeating the object of the "game" - he was being rewarded for bad behaviour.

[Pipsqueak]

So what am i supposed to do with a child who picks things up in shops and won't back down without throwing a strop and won't do anything he is told, then stands there crying? He hears the words No and naughty at home. What do you all do, im at a loss with this. Just hope his dad isn't too harsh on him tonight.

Im sorry this is soooo long. Hope you don't mind. Any advice would be really appreciated.

Cher.

A child who is misbehaving in the shop - if you can't leave (why should you) - put a wrist strap on him or put him in the trolley. Tell him he is a fab boy (as you are already doing) BUT you will not tolerate behaviour like.......this.....
Don't be afrraid of the strop - be firm, low voiced, quick and consistent. Ignore the tears (unless they are for a genuine reason of course) and ignore the rest of the strop/behaviour and go about your business.
Of course once things have calmed down get down to his level and explain and give reassuring words and cuddles.

[Paula J]

I agree No means NO and I dont care who says dont use it. My little boy has Dyspraxia with a mild form of ADHD and I care for a little boy with full on ADHD if I didnt mean NO when I said it our lifes would be a right mess. However I do find it a concern that the little boy in question spoke about this incident like it had happened to someone else. Both J and my minded child talk about this when they have had major outbursts so I would keep a diary on behavoiur record triggers, also record what you have fed him and if you think there is something else causing the outbursts like his bro's birthday. Children with behavioural problems do find jealousy a major problem.
Well done for condeming the behaviour not the child it is hard and trust me I have had to move away and count to 10 many many times. As for lashing out at you well ask is parents in for a chat and find out just what is going on at home she is obviousley aware he has temper problems because she fetched the DVD to calm him down, parents can be nightmares and tell you untruths so you have their child rather than been up front with you so you are aware of problems and triggers and can be ready for them
Good luck you may need it
I will say I have many more happy days with J and my minded child than I do bad days and it is very rewarding so keep you chin up but dont ignore this it could get worse before it gets better behavioural problems like my kids have start around 3 or 4
Paula:(

[LittleAcorns]

I was told you can say that a childs behaviour is "naughty" as long as you dont actually say "you are a naughty boy" so what you are doing is fab, as already said low, firm voice....absolutely no rewards to get him to behave, but lots of fuss when he is being a lovely little boy...hope you get this sorted.

I had a little girl who's behaviour left a lot to be desired!! she used to hit out and kick me, remember you are a fab childminder and this can be sorted :D xx

[cher25]

Could this child be feeling a bit put out that so much attention is being directed at younger sib - what with birthday coming up? Have their been other incidents? Is he like this at home?

To give him a DVD to "get him to behave" is defeating the object of the "game" - he was being rewarded for bad behaviour.

Thank you for your advice i appreciate it so much.

I have never seen a 4 year old adore his baby brother more than this boy does, it's so cute to see them playing and the baby giggles like mad even today despite everything. I have had to tell him off a few times over the last couple of weeks for trying to lash out at me. But generally he is a good helpful child and very polite. I have only had the kids for a few weeks, and when he arrives in the morning he says hi and runs past me to get in to play, so he has settled in fine. Mum has told me that there are times he is misbehaving at home, eg the weekend, but she keeps saying hopefully he will start to behave better when he starts school, as when they lived down south and he was at nursery, he was a quiet child, but now very hyper.
I have been constantly having to say no to things as he wants his own way all the time, we went to soft play on tuesday and going again next tues, but he wasn't happy with that. Wants to go on Monday. I refuse to give in and mum and dad have heard me say no to him and have backed me up. And i wasn't impressed that mum had to get the DVD either. Personally in the past when babysitting for a cousin i have had to promise things to her child in order to get them to behave, but i have seriously learned from that as the child im talking about is now 14 and still a complete nightmare. But i am finding it hard to be tough, especially with it being other people's children.

[cher25]

I agree No means NO and I dont care who says dont use it. My little boy has Dyspraxia with a mild form of ADHD and I care for a little boy with full on ADHD if I didnt mean NO when I said it our lifes would be a right mess. However I do find it a concern that the little boy in question spoke about this incident like it had happened to someone else. Both J and my minded child talk about this when they have had major outbursts so I would keep a diary on behavoiur record triggers, also record what you have fed him and if you think there is something else causing the outbursts like his bro's birthday. Children with behavioural problems do find jealousy a major problem.
Well done for condeming the behaviour not the child it is hard and trust me I have had to move away and count to 10 many many times. As for lashing out at you well ask is parents in for a chat and find out just what is going on at home she is obviousley aware he has temper problems because she fetched the DVD to calm him down, parents can be nightmares and tell you untruths so you have their child rather than been up front with you so you are aware of problems and triggers and can be ready for them
Good luck you may need it
I will say I have many more happy days with J and my minded child than I do bad days and it is very rewarding so keep you chin up but dont ignore this it could get worse before it gets better behavioural problems like my kids have start around 3 or 4
Paula:(

Thank you for sharing that with me. I don't know much about ADHD and I didn't know it could develop into that at the age of 3 or 4. He starts school full time in sept and turns 5 in nov. I don't know what his behaviour was like at nursery as he only started with me the week before the hols, however he did nip a child as we were leaving the gates 1 day. I find it hard to ask people for chat's about things like this as at times i feel as though it might be my own fault. This boy and his brother are my 1st full timers and i don't want to mess anything up. Though it is definitely a learning curve.
Thank you again.