View Full Version : Help with settling in a mindee

03-12-2015, 10:15 PM
Apologies if this is not on the right board ....

I have a 6yo mindee who has been coming to me before and after school since early July. This minded doesn't come in the holidays so we had a few weeks in July, then the six week break, then started up again in September.

Every morning when she is dropped off she cries and refuses to come into the house, will cling to her mum/dad, and begs them to take her to school instead. Once she is in and they've gone she is usually fine, she's upset for a few minutes but then comes to choose breakfast, happily plays afterwards, and walks to school no problem.

At home time, when the teacher brings them to the door, as soon as she sees me she bursts into tears and will start sobbing that she wanted her mum/dad to pick her up from school. She will cry all the way back to the house, then once we're back will almost instantly stop and again happily plays, eats dinner, etc. As soon as mum/dad arrives to pick her up she bursts into tears again and says she's had a horrible time and wants to go home.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can help her settle? Her parents have talked about it with her, we've read stories here and at home about going to childcare and working parents, I've tried letting her choose activities and lead the play, letting her help with the meal plans, doing lots of activities I know she enjoys, and so on. It's starting to really get me down and I'm worried that people are going to think I'm being cruel to her, at what point does it start affecting my business? I've already had the class teacher take me aside to ask if there are any problems she needs to be aware of.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't really want to give notice because when she is happy she fits in really well and is lovely to have around, also mum and dad don't have much support locally so I'd feel awful leaving them in the lurch. At the same time, things can't go on like this.

04-12-2015, 08:34 AM
Wow firstly well done for lasting this long as I think that would be really difficult to deal with every day for that many weeks! Especially coming out of school.

Have you always tried to comfort or have you ever just left her to get on with it? The only thing I can think of is to not pay any attention to it and Carry on/ make a fuss of the others and as soon as she stops make a fuss of her?

04-12-2015, 08:48 AM
She really is laying on the guilt trip for mum and dad. No real advise but a word with the parents to say you may need to consider giving notice as it's impacting on the other children ( they Will see she cries and get loads attention so they will start) it's starting to affect you and that you have been asked is there anything wrong by a teacher making you feel you being accused of something ..
Maybe parents need to be stern with child and tell her to stop acting like a spoilt brat OR
She could have real issues with being away from mum and dad for a genuine reason and needs to be asked why she cries and that worked on
I could be completely wrong on all of the above

04-12-2015, 09:42 AM
Thank you for the replies :)

I used to comfort her and give lots of reassurance. Now I give her a quick hug if she's wanting a hug then carry on as normal. I don't completely ignore her, I give her a tissue and I'll try bring her around by keeping her involved in the conversation. I say how much fun this painting/dancing/reading/whatever is "let's take a deep breath, smile, and come join in" or if we're walking home from school I ask about her day and I make sure she's offered her turn when we play i-spy. So I ignore the crying without ignoring her.

I think her parents have had a word because she was fantastic this morning, no tears and no clinging. It's been magic. However I'm supposed to have her before/after school on Tuesday and dad has told me that he's got a late meeting Tuesday and mindee has a play date so her friends ' mum is picking her up from school instead of me.

chris goodyear
04-12-2015, 11:05 AM
If mum and dad are on board and know that she is happy and settled after they go then really it's up to them to have a talk with her. At 6 she is old enough to understand why she has to be with you and not mum/dad for a while but the school thing is a worry as many people will be watching and wondering why she is being like this? Does she cry when she goes into school? Maybe an after school club would suit her better or maybe she does have some other problem that manifests itself in this way. Do feel for you as especially when out we want our mindees to behave.

04-12-2015, 11:20 AM
I had a similar problem although this was with a much younger child - 3yr old. He would cry when dropped off here and then all the way to school / nursery then when I picked him up from nursery he would cry when he saw me and all the way back here again. I think I got the idea from this forum?? I made him a sticker chart and every time he didn't cry on drop-off, or pick-up or on the walk to and from school he could chose a sticker and put it on his chart (he also had one for his top) and then when he got 10 stickers he got to chose a prize from the prize bag. Just some bubbles or a little party bag toy. He was so proud of himself bless him. I know he was younger but maybe this would work with a 6yr old. I know my own DD aged 8 would respond positively to something like this. Might be worth a go to get her out of what appears to be a habit for her??


06-12-2015, 10:55 AM
Poor you! I'd find that very hard-going. The sticker chart is a good idea, provided it doesn't then mean other children want a piece of the action when they see her getting rewarded for something they're already doing! If that doesn't work I'd seriously suggest after school club for this child, it's just not worth the money. People need to see your mindees being happy to be with you. Good luck, I really feel for you, and it sounds like you're being brilliant about it all!! X