Putting own socks on

[mumofone]

I have a 4 year old mindee who I have just taught how to put his own socks on. It was the first time he ever did it as no one had ever thought to ask or teach him before. It took some gentle encouragement and guidance but he did it. Now I've seen him do it for me lots of times (it takes him a little while but he can do it with concentration and perseverance). He won't do it for anyone else. Anyway, this morning he put them on first time, both feet with no input from me. Then later today before home time he did one with some encouragement but then got all upset and whingey and ended up crying with the other one. He often resorts to this behaviour but it annoys me because I KNOW he can do it. I keep up the encouragement and positive praise. For my own self and because it's such a big bear that parents never make their little darlings do anything for themselves I want to persevere with the whole thing but part of me wonders if I'm wasting my time and being a big meanie for Making him do it when no one else bothers. What do you all do or would you do etc?

[FloraDora]

Have you shared this document with your parents - it shows them expected progress:

http://www.foundationyears.org.uk/files/2015/03/4Children_ParentsGuide_2015_WEB.pdf

I find that my half termly reviews solve these issues - as we go through the outcomes and characteristics of learning and discuss together obs from me and home it becomes obvious that they are showing more independence with me than at home sometimes....it goes two ways: 1) they realise that they need to encorouging independence and happily put it as a next step or 2) they lie and say they are independent at home too... But either way the outcome is positive as they then start to work on independence.

I find that not having negativity around the parents way of parenting is the best outlook, I don't blame anyone - I just see every issue as something we resolve together- no looking back as to how it's happened just how can we make sure the next steps in developments are achieved.

[mumofone]

Have you shared this document with your parents - it shows them expected progress: http://www.foundationyears.org.uk/files/2015/03/4Children_ParentsGuide_2015_WEB.pdf I find that my half termly reviews solve these issues - as we go through the outcomes and characteristics of learning and discuss together obs from me and home it becomes obvious that they are showing more independence with me than at home sometimes....it goes two ways: 1) they realise that they need to encorouging independence and happily put it as a next step or 2) they lie and say they are independent at home too... But either way the outcome is positive as they then start to work on independence. I find that not having negativity around the parents way of parenting is the best outlook, I don't blame anyone - I just see every issue as something we resolve together- no looking back as to how it's happened just how can we make sure the next steps in developments are achieved.

Thanks flora :-)

Yes absolutely, his parents are fab we get on great and he's generally a really good boy but I do find its very common for parents to not get results at home which makes me wonder about their approach but I don't doubt they are great and have the best intentions.

I just find the psychology of all these situations So interesting!

[Marz283]

Im very lucky with my own two as they are very independent and want to do things like putting their own socks on, mostly because we have encouraged independence. I know what you mean about wondering whether you are wasting your time though if everything is done for them at home though. I used to be a teacher and find it incredibly frustrating that parents would insist on doing everything for their child. Getting 30 children ready after a PE lesson is a complete nightmare when children have not learnt to do things for themselves. I would say carry on with what you are doing despite it feeling frustrating. It will help him no end in the long run, especially when he starts school (if he hasn't already). Maybe make a fuss of him when his parents pick him up saying how clever he has been learning to put his own socks on and ask him if he could show his parents how he can do it himself when he gets dressed in the morning.

[mumofone]

Im very lucky with my own two as they are very independent and want to do things like putting their own socks on, mostly because we have encouraged independence. I know what you mean about wondering whether you are wasting your time though if everything is done for them at home though. I used to be a teacher and find it incredibly frustrating that parents would insist on doing everything for their child. Getting 30 children ready after a PE lesson is a complete nightmare when children have not learnt to do things for themselves. I would say carry on with what you are doing despite it feeling frustrating. It will help him no end in the long run, especially when he starts school (if he hasn't already). Maybe make a fuss of him when his parents pick him up saying how clever he has been learning to put his own socks on and ask him if he could show his parents how he can do it himself when he gets dressed in the morning.

Thanks Marz, Yep when parents came at pick up the first time he'd done it I praised him in front of them and parents are great high fiving him etc and saying how proud they are but then they report back that he won't do it for them. But my feeling is it must be because he won't and not that he can't because he's already shown me he can do it. So if he won't and I was the parent I would be pushing the issue until they did because otherwise the child is just being lazy or difficult basically!

[FloraDora]

Thanks Marz, Yep when parents came at pick up the first time he'd done it I praised him in front of them and parents are great high fiving him etc and saying how proud they are but then they report back that he won't do it for them. But my feeling is it must be because he won't and not that he can't because he's already shown me he can do it. So if he won't and I was the parent I would be pushing the issue until they did because otherwise the child is just being lazy or difficult basically!

I think some children 'won't ' with their parents because the childs relationship with their parents is built on a different foundation.their roles are that parents care and do things for their child and their child expects them to.
I also have found that parents say they 'won't' when in reality they never give them the correct opportunity...parents are often rushed for time...so want their child to do things for themselves...but in reality don't give them enough time...then anxiousness on both sides seeps in and then the child feels vulnerable and so won't try....
It doesn't matter yet that he isn't doing it at home...you will soon get him to the more confident situation of he just does it on his own...then he will do it wherever he is....

[loocyloo]

I have got 4 children aged almost 2 to nearly 3 ... all of them can take off their own shoes and put wellies on. They can either put their coats on, or make a very good attempt. They can all walk too ....

Yet each and everyone of them appears incapable when their parents appear!

[Maza]

Getting to grips with putting on your own socks requires a lot of brain power, let alone physical skills/co-ordination. I often find that they can do challenging things in the morning/afternoon but come evening (pick up time) they are already winding down and are just spent.

I remember my first mindee and my daughter used to love putting on their own socks (they were both under two) and I have got photographs of them sitting next to each other both in their own worlds absolutely absorbed in getting their socks on their feet. They had to work at it but were determined to do it for themselves. I had another mindee (boy) who was the same but I have had two brothers who found it so difficult and had to be taught step by step how to do it and weren't particularly interested. I never taught the others, they worked it out for themselves. It is very hard in that position to not 'blame' the parents and conclude that the parents mollycoddle(sp?) them. Try not to though, it only makes you grumpy. Instead, focus on the great things that their parents do and think about how cab help them to work on the things that need working on. As Floradora said, one of the main reasons children lack self care skills is because the parents don't allow enough time before they have to be out of the door. They might need it spelling out to them. Why don't you roughly time the little one putting on his socks and tell the parents that this is how long a child needs and are they absolutely sure they are allowing four minutes (or whatever) minutes for this task? I also had a sticker tin and the younger brother could take a sticker if he managed to get his own shoes on. He got picked up at 2.30, whereas his older brother didn't get collected until 6 and so we used to use the sticker tin for our morning outings as he was too tired to put them on at 6. I recently found out that he is actually having OT.

[mumofone]

Thanks everyone with no childcare experience and being a new-ish mum it's interesting to get your thoughts.
I put down him not doing it this evening to tiredness which is fair enough I guess.

[Kiddleywinks]

I also have found that parents say they 'won't' when in reality they never give them the correct opportunity...parents are often rushed for time...so want their child to do things for themselves...but in reality don't give them enough time...then anxiousness on both sides seeps in and then the child feels vulnerable and so won't try....

:thumbsup: This^ absolutely

[mama2three]

Its about expectations as much as anything.
He knows that you expect him to do his own socks so he does. He might get a little frustrated or stuck or tired but whilst you are happy to help and encourage he still does it himself.
He has never done this at home yet. The expectation is still that parents do it for him. They may start of allowing him to try but still step in and do it when either they are pushed for time , or he gets frustrated.
Its the same principle for so many actions and behaviours. If we have high expectations of a childs behaviour they almost always behave in a more positive manner.

[mumofone]

Can putting sucks on be linked to find motor skills and physical development? I had put it as a wow moment but remembered it might be a good PD observation too (I'm lacking in these!) ...

[mumofone]

Socks not sucks!