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redtiger21
13-10-2015, 11:18 AM
Hi, I've recently taken on a beautiful 9 month old baby girl, who attends 2 days a week. She's done 3 full days with me now, plus 4 initial short settle in sessions. The settling sessions were fine, but we're really struggling with the long days, oh my Lord!!! She's not napping very well at all, and consequently is overtired and over stimulated, and just screams! She's fine at home, but at home she's an only child and therefore has a very quiet house with no routine other than her own to keep to. I care for one other child during the day. a 3yo boy, and we really enjoy going to local toddler groups so he can interact with children his own age (his parents took him out of nursery to be with me full time so I want to give him a good social experience), but she won't settle at group so I'm probably going to have to stay at home. I've always prided myself on the quality of care and learning I provide, but currently my other children(including school age ones) are receiving a very poor quality of care, as I'm able to give them very little attention, and in all honesty I'm under stress. I really don't know what to do, it's making me want to give up the job completely as I feel so inadequate!! :(

loocyloo
13-10-2015, 11:26 AM
Big hugs. ... Lots of us have been there.

Only you can know how long you can give it.

Have you tried swaddling LO, popping in the buggy and going for a walk or just putting it outside? Is LO happy in the buggy? Can you go to groups and let the LO sit and watch from the buggy?

It's hard (I know!), but I would try and ignore the screaming and carry on as if child wasn't screaming.

9 mth is a prime time for separation anxiety. Is LO carried lots at home?

Good luck x

redtiger21
13-10-2015, 11:40 AM
Big hugs. ... Lots of us have been there.

Only you can know how long you can give it.

Have you tried swaddling LO, popping in the buggy and going for a walk or just putting it outside? Is LO happy in the buggy? Can you go to groups and let the LO sit and watch from the buggy?

It's hard (I know!), but I would try and ignore the screaming and carry on as if child wasn't screaming.

9 mth is a prime time for separation anxiety. Is LO carried lots at home?

Good luck x

She's not very keen on the buggy to be honest, she quite often planks furiously when I'm putting her in there (she's always nice and snug in there), and I've tried both front and back seats, plus giving her a toy or a book etc, but if she's already in a tizz then literally nothing seems to help! I find it a bit embarrassing in front of the mums at group having her so obviously upset! :/
She has no qualms at all about being handed over by mummy in the morning, she settles fine initially, then after a while just becomes fretful, then gets annoyed going in the buggy for school run, then it worsens!
I'm not sure if she's carried much at home, but I get the impression she's very chilled out for her parents. I also have a bad back, so can't carry her constantly as it's making it so much worse :(
I'm going to try just ignoring it, but she can really really go for it, at length!!

JCrakers
13-10-2015, 11:43 AM
I think quite a lot of us can relate with this. Try and keep positive, its nothing you're doing so don't feel bad about the care you are providing.

Try not to beat yourself up about the toddler groups. It may take a couple of weeks to settle the baby and although its unfortunate for the 3yr old, you are a childminder and not a sole care nanny. Just explain to parents that you've taken on a new little one and it might be that you cant get to toddler group for a couple of weeks but will definitely be going back once little one has settled. Hopefully they will understand the situation.
Get out to the parks with both children, wrap baby up and let 3yr old enjoy the freshair. He's still getting his social interaction with other children and when you feel like progress is bring made with the baby you can continue with your groups. (I know its hard not to go, I love getting out to groups, keeps me sane)

Firstly, try and find something she does like.. like loocyloo says does she enjoy being in the buggy? Inside? Outside? Will she settle if you go out for a walk? It can take longer for some babies to settle, some settle from day 1, others don't.

About 5yrs ago I had an 8m old that screamed all week, 8hrs out of a 10hr day, 5 days a week. I was going crazy, mindees hated it. In the end, after 8 weeks I had to give notice as I wasn't getting anywhere. I was exhausted, my own children couldn't relax in their own house and mindees started to dislike coming. I had worked with parents very closely (I had her sister who was an angel)

If there's no improvement after a few more days, give yourself a time that you will continue and stick with it. Don't make yourself ill over it, I nearly did and its good for no one.

hectors house
13-10-2015, 12:46 PM
I had a little one who really hated toddler groups and would scream the whole time we were there, I ended up saying to the other parents that if the screaming bothered them I wouldn't go anymore, I persevered and eventually could put the toddler down between my legs and eventually onto the floor and she would tolerate me moving away while I went to help another mindee - I don't know what it was about this toddler group but when I looked after her brother several years later he was exactly the same. I used to see his mum at another group in a church hall with lots of space and high ceilings and he was fine there and eventually decided that he didn't like the room at the group I took him to as it was always crowded and busy and had low ceilings, so I found another group on a Tuesday in a village hall.

redtiger21
18-10-2015, 04:09 PM
Thanks for replying guys. I've made mum aware that LO is struggling at the moment, and we're working together a lot with ideas to help the transition. I do hope she settles soon, I'm starting to dread not just Mondays but Sundays too, because the next day's Monday!! :(

mumofone
20-10-2015, 12:47 PM
Thanks for replying guys. I've made mum aware that LO is struggling at the moment, and we're working together a lot with ideas to help the transition. I do hope she settles soon, I'm starting to dread not just Mondays but Sundays too, because the next day's Monday!! :(

How'd it going red tiger? What kind of activities or what are you doing with them both? Just interested as I have similar ages to please and it's tough! :-) x

redtiger21
22-10-2015, 09:39 AM
Hi, it's going ok-ish, she's done 3 weeks with me now (2 days a week), and each session is a tiny improvement on the previous one, but we're very much still trying to find what works and what doesn't, and some days one thing will be ok, some days it won't work, so time will tell! I'm giving play group a miss for now, and we haven't been able to do things like the park because the weather has been atrocious here (she doesn't have weather proof clothes, and I can't sit her in the buggy with the raincover on while the toddler has fun in the rain as she screams due to boredom, which is understandable!). It's hard for me to give you a good idea of activities I'm doing, because it's still just been a case of "coping" really, she's still not settled enough and we're not in tune enough with each other for me to do something adventurous like messy play with them both- we're just on the floor with toys, building blocks etc, me sharing my attention with them both. When the older one does play dough, she sits on my lap at the table and explores the big plastic cutters etc, until she gets fed up and grizzly. We're still at that stage, not fully settled! It's a long process methinks :) xx

catswhiskers
25-10-2015, 12:04 AM
Hope it's getting better for you with the new mindee and they're now turning the corner and getting used to you and a new environment.

I've had a few the same over the years and have one (just turned 1) who started with me a few weeks ago. She seemed fine at the settling in sessions but boy does she scream most of the day now!

I've had to give up going to toddler groups sometimes over the last few weeks as it's very tiring. I'm not worried about what other people think but it's just me that needs to be on my own to deal with it really. Also I have to think of my other mindees but luckily they're pretty chilled out with it all, except at sleep time when she keeps them awake!

It changes my week too as I end up doing paperwork late at night instead of when kids are asleep, although this doesn't always happen anyway lately as have so much going on.

Try to persevere. I've only had to give notice once, around 8 years ago. Mum walked out when I told her but we're now friends as still see each other at toddler groups.

I run a toddler group every Wednesday so a bit committed to that and have to get there for 9am with two babies. The 10 month old has been fine but the 1 year old has been hard work.

Luckily it's half term next week and the hall is closed so I can concentrate the week on her.

Maza
25-10-2015, 09:15 AM
Hope it's going okay. It's common for little ones to become distressed at playgroups when they first start with you. I usually give them a miss for a couple of weeks whenever I have a new one so that they can get used to my environment first. I had one little one (same age as yours) who was so confident but whenever I took him to any new playgroup he would want to sit in the safety of his pushchair for at least twenty minutes, just watching and taking it all in (doesn't help if yours doesn't even like the pushchair). Then for a couple of weeks he would just sit on my lap there, then graduate to by my feet etc. Soon enough though he was ruling the roost there. By the way, when this mindee was your mindees age his favourite 'toy' was unopened crisp packets. He would play with them for ages! It was a great sensory activity - and none messy.

Hectors house raised a good point about the actual building. There are some buildings that my DD felt uncomfortable in and they also tended to be the closed in dingy types of rooms. I'm a bit like that too.

redtiger21
30-10-2015, 08:15 AM
Thanks everyone. This week we had one brilliant day at home (although she was more unsettled in the afternoon when little friends came over with their mummy for a play date- I think she definitely prefers the quietest environment possible!), and one pretty horrendous day when she had a cold and was teething, naps were all out of sync and it was terrible! :(

Maza
30-10-2015, 08:43 AM
Thanks everyone. This week we had one brilliant day at home (although she was more unsettled in the afternoon when little friends came over with their mummy for a play date- I think she definitely prefers the quietest environment possible!), and one pretty horrendous day when she had a cold and was teething, naps were all out of sync and it was terrible! :(

Yey for the good day! Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel for this one. At least you are able to identify the triggers. x

Jelly Baby
07-11-2015, 05:38 PM
Hi
Sounds like a little one I took on (6months) and for the first time I've had to give notice.
He was fine on the initial meeting but mum had him sat on her knee. The first day was ok for the first couple of hours but since then he's screamed & has carried on the whole time I've had him. I started getting concerned as couldn't get him to eat or take any milk/water combined with the not being able to get anything to calm him down it was frustrating.
I look after 2 others and have found myself over the weeks struggling to give them/anyone much/attention
I've mentioned it to mum but have no magic solutions and have tried everything.
Mums got someone having him from next week & I'm glad we've amicably sorted it out but do feel I've failed a bit. Think I'm one of those 1yr old upwards childminders!

redtiger21
08-11-2015, 05:43 PM
Hi
Sounds like a little one I took on (6months) and for the first time I've had to give notice.
He was fine on the initial meeting but mum had him sat on her knee. The first day was ok for the first couple of hours but since then he's screamed & has carried on the whole time I've had him. I started getting concerned as couldn't get him to eat or take any milk/water combined with the not being able to get anything to calm him down it was frustrating.
I look after 2 others and have found myself over the weeks struggling to give them/anyone much/attention
I've mentioned it to mum but have no magic solutions and have tried everything.
Mums got someone having him from next week & I'm glad we've amicably sorted it out but do feel I've failed a bit. Think I'm one of those 1yr old upwards childminders!

Sorry to hear it didn't work for you this time- but I'm sure life is going to get easier and more pleasant for you now! I'm continuing with this LO as she SEEMS to be settling a bit (although it's touch and go!), but although I've got 4 babies on my waiting list I'm turning them all down I'm afraid, until they're either 18 months or walking very independently. If nothing else, my poor back can't take any more babies!! :(