Problems leaving

[Dominique]

I have new mindee, nearly 3 (one day/week, he’s been in my house 3 times), who gets upset, distraught even when he needs to go home. He struggles with leaving playdates with friends as well though not as badly. I know a lot of kids struggle when they need to stop having fun but not to that extent. Mum is very good, very patient, very calm, talks him through the event, “yes it is sad/hard but we need to …. so we need to go home” etc. Mum tried the very gentle and slow approach which dragged out the leaving process to about ½ hour the first time as he was so upset.

Yesterday, I took him home, thinking he may behave differently with me rather than with mum but it wasn’t any easier on him. I tried a slightly quicker process as I wondered if it might better for him but it doesn’t seem to be the case. He came and did all I asked him to, poor little thing, but he was sobbing so hard his speech was completely incoherent.

The thing is, he gets stuck in that feeling of sadness but somehow can’t move on from that and can sob for 15/20 minutes or longer. Distracting him doesn’t work at all. Mum and I are at a loss as to what could make it easier for him. Any thoughts/advice?

[loocyloo]

can you do a picture time line? for the whole day? which starts with all the fun etc, and then ends with tidying up and getting shoes/coats/bags etc and going home?

I wouldn't be dragging things out, hard as it seems, I would think, from what you've said, short and sweet - maybe mum could text you when she is outside, you could quickly pop shoes on and get child ready to go, open the door, 'HELLO MUMMY' 'BYE BYE DOMINIQUE' and shut the door and off mum goes asap! lessen the time the LO has to get/be upset. you can arrange to speak to mum/text/email later to pass any information, or make sure everything/anything is written down in diary, then no time is 'wasted' in 'chit chat' ( no matter how important it is ) maybe you could already put childs bag outside ready for mum to put in the car/buggy before she knocks on the door, so she can concentrate fully on her child.

I would still acknowledge to the LO that you know its sad, but its time to go/will be time to go home soon, and the sooner he goes home, the sooner he can come back another day.

could you possibly let him borrow a toy to take home? I don't generally, but have in the past to easy transistions.

do you have other children that the LO sees going home? could you play saying bye bye to teddies who have come to play? how is LO when people who have come to play at your house leave after a play date?

good luck x