Fitrix
24-09-2015, 02:32 PM
Hello all, I’m looking for some advice / experience of a little mindee I am concerned about. I posted a while back about her not liking my co-minder although didn’t get much response. We eventually put it down to her being jealous because there was/is just no reasonable explanation for it.
The mindee in question is now 2.5 years old. Due to the fact she has hypermobility, she is not walking. She can bumshuffle, crawl and is just about able to pull herself up to stand. Her speech is also delayed – she has about 4 words she says clearly and another 10 which I know what she means.
She and I have a great relationship and she also adores my 10 year old daughter. However, her hatred of my co-minder is escalating. My co-minder has never done anything to warrant this and we really don’t know what the mindee’s problem is with her?? It has now got to the point that wherever my co-minder is in the room, this mindee will turn her head so that she is looking steadily in the opposite direction. If my co-minder sits near her she will turn her back as much as she is able and look the opposite way – even if she’s sat up at the table eating! If my co-minder tries to give her her drink or a snack she starts screaming in anger. Unless she’s in arms (mine or my daugher’s) she whimpers constantly. This sometimes escalates into screaming, but it is usually just really distressed sounding whimpering and sobbing. I say ‘sounding’ because she can switch it on and off at a moment’s notice.
When we are out at a park/playground, she is able to get around herself (bumshuffling and crawling) but point blank refuses to and sits and whimpers loudly unless I carry her. I can’t do this constantly as we have other children in our care negotiating playground equipment. This mindee increases her whimpering if there are other people around – to the point where I often get “well meaning” people (usually grandparents!) questioning my care. It is frankly embarrassing and frustrating as I know her behaviour is completely put on. She doesn’t make a sound if there is no one around.
I have to say, this mindee is incredibly controlling and she absolutely rules the roost at home – with Mum in particular. She gets furious if she doesn’t get her way and screams and shakes in rage. Mum by admission always gives in to her which really doesn’t help. She is good as gold with me though and as I said we have a really close relationship.
My/our issues are:
1. What can we do to improve the relationship she has with my co-minder? We’ve tried everything from my co-minder providing key care and not me, from my co-minder having nothing to do with her whatsoever and to me ignoring her in an attempt to get her to seek comfort from my co-minder. Nothing works and her distress/anger is getting worse!
2. Although she does suffer with hypermobility, she is the laziest child I’ve ever known. I have cared for children with this condition before and know that muscles can become easily over stretched and sore for them, but this mindee will quite happily sit on the floor for hours and hours and do nothing. She won’t pick up a toy, won’t move, won’t do anthing unless I engage her. She is perfectly able, but she just refuses to do anything. She expects to be stimulated by me or she just sits and whimpers. I’ve dealt with separating anxiety before (with her too) and I know that’s not the issue. I believe she wants to control me and have me jump to her tune which I cannot do all the time due to other kids in my care etc. And again, the distressed whimpering (unless I am doing something directly with her) is embarrassing! It sounds harsh, but she is making us look really bad when we are out at toddler groups etc.
3. I’m also a bit concerned Mum is overmedicating her. She tells me she wakes 6 times every night with wind, or a headache or a tummyache. I don’t see how she can know this as she can’t speak and I just don’t believe a child can be that ill every single night. She’s fine and happy all day in our setting (apart from the whimpering if needs aren’t met). So she gets calpol/nurofen every single day at home. She also gets movicol twice a day which I do not believe she needs. Because of her condition she has lots of physio and doctors appointments of course. I just have a feeling that Mum is a bit Munchausen by proxy but don’t think it is serious enough to warrant taking further and I don’t think Mum would listen if I approached her about it.
I’ve tried to paint a good picture to Mum because for the most part the little girl is very happy in our care, but this hatred of my co-minder and her increasing distress is getting worse and really needs resolving – somehow?!
Please help us!!
The mindee in question is now 2.5 years old. Due to the fact she has hypermobility, she is not walking. She can bumshuffle, crawl and is just about able to pull herself up to stand. Her speech is also delayed – she has about 4 words she says clearly and another 10 which I know what she means.
She and I have a great relationship and she also adores my 10 year old daughter. However, her hatred of my co-minder is escalating. My co-minder has never done anything to warrant this and we really don’t know what the mindee’s problem is with her?? It has now got to the point that wherever my co-minder is in the room, this mindee will turn her head so that she is looking steadily in the opposite direction. If my co-minder sits near her she will turn her back as much as she is able and look the opposite way – even if she’s sat up at the table eating! If my co-minder tries to give her her drink or a snack she starts screaming in anger. Unless she’s in arms (mine or my daugher’s) she whimpers constantly. This sometimes escalates into screaming, but it is usually just really distressed sounding whimpering and sobbing. I say ‘sounding’ because she can switch it on and off at a moment’s notice.
When we are out at a park/playground, she is able to get around herself (bumshuffling and crawling) but point blank refuses to and sits and whimpers loudly unless I carry her. I can’t do this constantly as we have other children in our care negotiating playground equipment. This mindee increases her whimpering if there are other people around – to the point where I often get “well meaning” people (usually grandparents!) questioning my care. It is frankly embarrassing and frustrating as I know her behaviour is completely put on. She doesn’t make a sound if there is no one around.
I have to say, this mindee is incredibly controlling and she absolutely rules the roost at home – with Mum in particular. She gets furious if she doesn’t get her way and screams and shakes in rage. Mum by admission always gives in to her which really doesn’t help. She is good as gold with me though and as I said we have a really close relationship.
My/our issues are:
1. What can we do to improve the relationship she has with my co-minder? We’ve tried everything from my co-minder providing key care and not me, from my co-minder having nothing to do with her whatsoever and to me ignoring her in an attempt to get her to seek comfort from my co-minder. Nothing works and her distress/anger is getting worse!
2. Although she does suffer with hypermobility, she is the laziest child I’ve ever known. I have cared for children with this condition before and know that muscles can become easily over stretched and sore for them, but this mindee will quite happily sit on the floor for hours and hours and do nothing. She won’t pick up a toy, won’t move, won’t do anthing unless I engage her. She is perfectly able, but she just refuses to do anything. She expects to be stimulated by me or she just sits and whimpers. I’ve dealt with separating anxiety before (with her too) and I know that’s not the issue. I believe she wants to control me and have me jump to her tune which I cannot do all the time due to other kids in my care etc. And again, the distressed whimpering (unless I am doing something directly with her) is embarrassing! It sounds harsh, but she is making us look really bad when we are out at toddler groups etc.
3. I’m also a bit concerned Mum is overmedicating her. She tells me she wakes 6 times every night with wind, or a headache or a tummyache. I don’t see how she can know this as she can’t speak and I just don’t believe a child can be that ill every single night. She’s fine and happy all day in our setting (apart from the whimpering if needs aren’t met). So she gets calpol/nurofen every single day at home. She also gets movicol twice a day which I do not believe she needs. Because of her condition she has lots of physio and doctors appointments of course. I just have a feeling that Mum is a bit Munchausen by proxy but don’t think it is serious enough to warrant taking further and I don’t think Mum would listen if I approached her about it.
I’ve tried to paint a good picture to Mum because for the most part the little girl is very happy in our care, but this hatred of my co-minder and her increasing distress is getting worse and really needs resolving – somehow?!
Please help us!!