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mumofone
08-09-2015, 08:23 AM
I just wondered how you all handle pick up times? I have a mindee who can get terribly loud and overexcited when his parent picks him up - I can't decide if this looks good or bad on me! It's good that he's clearly happy and excited and not crying and quiet! But equally it may look like I've just fed him a ton of sugar or something?! I feel that it's not my duty once the parent arrives to discipline or ask them to calm down etc or to put their shoes and coat on but do you? Another parent of a different mindee always arrives at different times so I can never get them ready with shoes and coat on or they could be sat waiting for up to half an hour as our house is a shoes off house.
What do you all do?

FussyElmo
08-09-2015, 08:28 AM
I just wondered how you all handle pick up times? I have a mindee who can get terribly loud and overexcited when his parent picks him up - I can't decide if this looks good or bad on me! It's good that he's clearly happy and excited and not crying and quiet! But equally it may look like I've just fed him a ton of sugar or something?! I feel that it's not my duty once the parent arrives to discipline or ask them to calm down etc or to put their shoes and coat on but do you? Another parent of a different mindee always arrives at different times so I can never get them ready with shoes and coat on or they could be sat waiting for up to half an hour as our house is a shoes off house.
What do you all do?

While they are in my house Im still in charge until I shut that door :)

I don't tend to get them ready till the parent has knocked as they all can arrive at different times each day :thumbsup:

AliceK
08-09-2015, 08:36 AM
It is my experience that parents are often reluctant to discipline their children at pick-up times for whatever reason so I have the attitude that whilst the child is still in my house if a parent doesn't do it then I will. Unfortunately I have had to do this many times and whilst I don't particularly like it I won't stand by and watch a child who has been good all day turn into a monster at pick-up and their parent just stands and accepts it.
I too have a no shoes rule in the house but I remind children that if they can't get ready to go home nicely when mummy arrives then I will get them ready, shoes, bags etc and they will have to wait in the hallway until mummy arrives which means they are taken away from their playing to get ready earlier than they really need to be. If I had a parent who I wasn't sure when they were arriving I would explain to them that as the childs behaviour at pick up is impacting on others they will need to text me when they are outside and I will get the child ready myself. I have had a parent ring the bell and I have waited to open the door until I have got a childs shoes, coat etc on so that they can be handed over all ready at the doorway but I make it clear to all that this is just a temporary measure until they can behave appropriately.
I make it clear to children and parents that sensible behaviour is expected. I don't need tantrums or silliness at the end of the day and I'm sure the parents don't need it either.

xxx

Simona
08-09-2015, 09:01 AM
It is my experience that parents are often reluctant to discipline their children at pick-up times for whatever reason so I have the attitude that whilst the child is still in my house if a parent doesn't do it then I will. Unfortunately I have had to do this many times and whilst I don't particularly like it I won't stand by and watch a child who has been good all day turn into a monster at pick-up and their parent just stands and accepts it.
I too have a no shoes rule in the house but I remind children that if they can't get ready to go home nicely when mummy arrives then I will get them ready, shoes, bags etc and they will have to wait in the hallway until mummy arrives which means they are taken away from their playing to get ready earlier than they really need to be. If I had a parent who I wasn't sure when they were arriving I would explain to them that as the childs behaviour at pick up is impacting on others they will need to text me when they are outside and I will get the child ready myself. I have had a parent ring the bell and I have waited to open the door until I have got a childs shoes, coat etc on so that they can be handed over all ready at the doorway but I make it clear to all that this is just a temporary measure until they can behave appropriately.
I make it clear to children and parents that sensible behaviour is expected. I don't need tantrums or silliness at the end of the day and I'm sure the parents don't need it either.

xxx

Oh...That brought back so many memories!!
I used to find pick up time very puzzling...the children that were so happy to follow the setting's rules suddenly turned into little people I hardly recognised.

'Mixed messages' is what I used to put it down to...my rules and expectations of behaviour varied from parents.

One thing that really helped though was talking to the children about their rather silly behaviour ...I used to ask them 'why do you do that when you are picked up but not during the day?'
The answers the children gave were fascinating to say the least!!

Mouse
08-09-2015, 09:18 AM
It is so common for children to start messing around when parents arrive. Even the ones who are little angels all day turn into little devils at home time. I've often had parents say "I don't know how you put up with this all day" and I have to convince them that the behaviour only starts at home time! The usual things they do are playing on the stairs, turning lights on & off, pulling books off the bookcase in the hall, trying to get into the playroom with their shoes on, shouting/pushing/hitting parents.

I explain to parents that it's very normal behaviour and tell them that while the child is still in my house I will remain in charge. It doesn't always look good as the children tend to go into meltdown as soon as you tell them to get off the stairs, or leave the light switch alone and will go running to their parents in floods of tears! Luckily I don't let it bother me now and see it as a good time to shuffle them out the door!

I also explain to parents that once the child has stepped out over the doorstep they are the parent's responsibility. Many a time I have watched a child playing up as parents attempt to get them into the car...so I shut the door and leave them to it :thumbsup:

chris goodyear
08-09-2015, 09:32 AM
I totally agree with Mouse and Alice K and that's exactly what I do. Yes it can sometimes be a bit awkward to discipline them when the parent is standing there watching but 9 times out of 10 it works and they end up grateful for the intervention! Many years ago when I was fairly new to childminding I had a quite challenging little girl which unfortunately arose out of bad or lack of parenting skills who one day reduced her mum to tears as she was so , so naughty (no other word for it) at hometime. One word from me and she did what was required so I learnt my lesson from that and now have no hesitation in stepping in as soon as needed.

mumofone
21-09-2015, 06:46 PM
Oh...That brought back so many memories!! I used to find pick up time very puzzling...the children that were so happy to follow the setting's rules suddenly turned into little people I hardly recognised. 'Mixed messages' is what I used to put it down to...my rules and expectations of behaviour varied from parents. One thing that really helped though was talking to the children about their rather silly behaviour ...I used to ask them 'why do you do that when you are picked up but not during the day?' The answers the children gave were fascinating to say the least!!

What kind of answers Simona? x

mumofone
21-09-2015, 06:48 PM
Sorry revisiting this as it was relevant tonight when my mindee got picked up, he dribbled or spat on the floor whilst (not) putting his shoes on. I was gobsmacked, he wouldn't dare do that with just me.

Mouse
21-09-2015, 07:14 PM
Sorry revisiting this as it was relevant tonight when my mindee got picked up, he dribbled or spat on the floor whilst (not) putting his shoes on. I was gobsmacked, he wouldn't dare do that with just me.

Ew, that's horrible. How did you handle it?

mumofone
21-09-2015, 07:41 PM
Ew, that's horrible. How did you handle it?

I was nervous to say anything so just kept quiet to see how mum handled it (not very well!). I would be mortified and very apologetic if that was my child!

Mouse
21-09-2015, 09:28 PM
I was nervous to say anything so just kept quiet to see how mum handled it (not very well!). I would be mortified and very apologetic if that was my child!

I know exactly what you mean about being too nervous to say anything, but sometimes parents are actually grateful if you jump in and take over.

mama2three
22-09-2015, 07:08 AM
I would use that as an opportunity to speak to mum.
Tell her that you could see that neither of you dealt with the behaviour as you normally would when on your own. ( maybe she did but shes not going to admit that and lose face). You need to decide on a way of making pick ups easier and your suggestion is that you continue to be 'in charge' whilst mindee is still in your house. Tell her it will make mindee happier and more secure as he understands the boundaries , and that mixed messages are difficult for all children.

Simona
22-09-2015, 07:55 AM
Sorry revisiting this as it was relevant tonight when my mindee got picked up, he dribbled or spat on the floor whilst (not) putting his shoes on. I was gobsmacked, he wouldn't dare do that with just me.

Would be great to know why he behaved like that....will you ask him?....if he is eloquent enough to explain his behaviour to you you should try to let him guide his own behaviour and be accountable for his actions>
will there be any consequences if he behaves like that again?

In this instance the child is getting several mixed messages...from you being in charge and confident when he is in your sole care to you becoming 'nervous' and letting mum..well...do very little from what you say and who knows what his boundaries are at home?

tess1981
22-09-2015, 08:58 AM
I had a 3yo decide to stick her tounge out at me when her grandfather collected her. I have her 2.5 years. I told her off and said if she ever did that again the next day she would not be allowed to do X y and z. Told her that was bad manners and not how we behaved.... All in a very stern voice. She was taken back but no more tounge sticking. I have given out for want of a better word on many occasion I'm not having them run riot at home time. I tell patents the hazards of pick up and how they react when a parent arrives even if it's not their parent and explain to parents they will see be being strict and stern at this point as the children feel they can play up and no one will correct their behaviour I have no worries about giving out on these occasions

mumofone
23-09-2015, 10:19 AM
Would be great to know why he behaved like that....will you ask him?....if he is eloquent enough to explain his behaviour to you you should try to let him guide his own behaviour and be accountable for his actions> will there be any consequences if he behaves like that again? In this instance the child is getting several mixed messages...from you being in charge and confident when he is in your sole care to you becoming 'nervous' and letting mum..well...do very little from what you say and who knows what his boundaries are at home?

He just shrugs his shoulders and says he doesn't know which is why I was interested to know the past responses you've received? :-)

Simona
23-09-2015, 10:39 AM
He just shrugs his shoulders and says he doesn't know which is why I was interested to know the past responses you've received? :-)

The shrugging of the shoulders was one the response I often received as well...often mixed with some 'embarassment' from older children.
To avoid that I decided to do a sort of circle time with all the children and put the question the other way round 'how do we behave at pick up times' and giving them choices.

I remember one of the children saying: 'because I want to behave that way'!!
Another said she didn't want to go home
From there they set the rules of acceptable behaviour...sometimes they broke their own rules so we revisited the subject.
They also suggested writing them down and putting a little poster on the wall.
It worked for me and I avoided spending hours being frustrated at pick up time and making it a bit faster and orderly.

newbie
24-09-2015, 01:30 PM
I like to have them ready with shoes and coats on at pick up time so that they can go straight out the door. However some of my parents want to stand and chat with me and at that point their child begins to run riot :(.

Maza
24-09-2015, 08:41 PM
I like to have them ready with shoes and coats on at pick up time so that they can go straight out the door. However some of my parents want to stand and chat with me and at that point their child begins to run riot :(.

Exactly what used to happen with a mindee of mine. :rolleyes: