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mumofone
31-07-2015, 09:53 AM
I'm thinking of giving notice to a family as I don't think I can realistically provide a great service with the mix of ages I've got. They're really nice though so I don't want it to sound horrible or negative although obviously it lets them down. Any advice or ways to word it/handle it? Thank you

Georgiepoo
31-07-2015, 10:02 AM
I'm thinking of giving notice to a family as I don't think I can realistically provide a great service with the mix of ages I've got. They're really nice though so I don't want it to sound horrible or negative although obviously it lets them down. Any advice or ways to word it/handle it? Thank you

It's tough but you have to see it in a different light, like if you ran an office and needed to let a member of staff go because you didn't need them of they weren't doing well in the job...
I'd try saying that your extremely sorry but do not feel you can meet the child's needs/requests with such a big age gap between them and your other mindees and do feel it fair to continue minding them.
Good luck

FloraDora
31-07-2015, 12:21 PM
I am sorry but I don't think this is at all like letting go a member of staff, the child and parents are your clients.

Personally I think that the reason for giving notice is not going sound great ...professionally ...and word soon spreads about a setting, it could end up being a negative story about you and your ability to manage different age children.

I understand the difficulty of a big gap in age range but if you took the child on knowing this then it's going to seem strange to the parents or if you have taken another child on younger or older than the original than that looks unprofessional to keep the last one and terminate the original. I would try to come up with another reason for termination that isn't negative about you.
Usually parents are not happy with unexpected termination, so the reason is best not anything that they could question or gossip negatively about.

There doesn't seem anything worse for a childminder than a parent scorned!

Smiley
31-07-2015, 01:54 PM
I think generally it can take several years to build experience as a childminder. It is difficult and unknown at first and experience tends to boost confidence and less self doubt. Perhaps you need more time to build on your experience of managing a range of children of different ages. School holidays can be a juggling act for many childminders, new and experienced.

chris goodyear
31-07-2015, 03:04 PM
I agree with the last two posts - you knew the ages of the children when you took them on but now in reality you are finding it too hard with the age range. Are you still in the settling in/trial period? If so can you just say the dynamics are not working out and they would be happier elsewhere? Try to always say that you are considering what is best for their children as this helps to soften the blow. Or try to grin and bear it and it will get easier as you become more experienced.

mumofone
31-07-2015, 03:36 PM
In my defence I'm both a new mother and completely new to childcare. It's all a learning experience for me. I'm trying to deliver an excellent service to all clients and feel I do already but in order to continue doing this I feel the age of this particular mindee will mean that I have to compromise the others time with me including my own child. I know it's not ideal and I'm trying to avoid doing it but what do I do if it means it affects everyone negatively.

mumofone
31-07-2015, 03:39 PM
I am sorry but I don't think this is at all like letting go a member of staff, the child and parents are your clients. Personally I think that the reason for giving notice is not going sound great ...professionally ...and word soon spreads about a setting, it could end up being a negative story about you and your ability to manage different age children. I understand the difficulty of a big gap in age range but if you took the child on knowing this then it's going to seem strange to the parents or if you have taken another child on younger or older than the original than that looks unprofessional to keep the last one and terminate the original. I would try to come up with another reason for termination that isn't negative about you. Usually parents are not happy with unexpected termination, so the reason is best not anything that they could question or gossip negatively about. There doesn't seem anything worse for a childminder than a parent scorned!

Thanks flora, I do see where you're coming from.

As a parent I used a local childminder myself and left after a short time as I was unhappy with her and the service, I wouldn't recommend her to anyone but I haven't gone about telling everyone (would only say If directly asked) and she is still full with children.

mumofone
31-07-2015, 04:18 PM
I agree with the last two posts - you knew the ages of the children when you took them on but now in reality you are finding it too hard with the age range. Are you still in the settling in/trial period? If so can you just say the dynamics are not working out and they would be happier elsewhere? Try to always say that you are considering what is best for their children as this helps to soften the blow. Or try to grin and bear it and it will get easier as you become more experienced.

Nope I guess this is a lesson learnt, I didn't do a settling in/trial period, I guess i must next time.

natlou82
31-07-2015, 05:34 PM
Can I ask what age what ages you have so I can consider my response and try and help? How old is the child you are considering letting go?

Simona
31-07-2015, 05:48 PM
Nope I guess this is a lesson learnt, I didn't do a settling in/trial period, I guess i must next time.

Is it the child who is not coping as he/she had no time for transition from home to you? And is this reflecting on the negativity you feel?
Give the child time to settle and ...yes...put it down to experience....it will get better. Just think how the child will feel if you give notice and a new setting has to be found...very confusing.
Stay calm and think positive!

blue bear
31-07-2015, 07:00 PM
What ages are the children you are caring for, your own children and this child in particular. What is causing the issues?

Mouse
31-07-2015, 07:46 PM
When you start out childminding it's natural to want to be the best childminder ever, but as you're finding out, once reality hits and you start working you realise that it's not always possible to keep up the very high standards you set yourself. It's hard, but you do have to think about whether you're expectations are sustainable long term, or whether you're going to need to relax a bit and start to see that you can do a fab job without running yourself into the ground.

I agree with what others have said - you took the children on knowing their ages and it may seem unprofessional to now give notice as they don't fit in with your ideas of how you want to run your business. That may harm your reputation which would defeat your efforts to get yourself known as an excellent childminder. And what would happen if you let this child go because you can't keep up to your standards, you take on a child whose age fits better, but then find that because of their behaviour or temperament you again find it difficult to work exactly as you'd like to? You can't keep trying children until you find one that's the prefect fit.

Have any of the parents expressed any concerns about the care you're giving? Perhaps you're doing a much better job than you think you are. Have a think about your expectations and decide whether or not they are realistic. If you really feel you cannot continue caring for this child I think you will have to be honest about why you are giving notice. It's awful for a parent to receive notice when they think everything is going well and they will automatically think they or their child has done something wrong.

mumofone
31-07-2015, 08:09 PM
Points taken, thanks guys. I'm confident parents are happy with the service but the baby screams as soon as we leave the house which I don't feel looks good on me on school runs and isn't nice for the other children. Baby is settled and happy at home it's just when we venture out which is obviously inevitable when I have school runs to do.

mumofone
31-07-2015, 08:13 PM
Baby is with me one day a week...

FussyElmo
31-07-2015, 08:16 PM
Points taken, thanks guys. I'm confident parents are happy with the service but the baby screams as soon as we leave the house which I don't feel looks good on me on school runs and isn't nice for the other children. Baby is settled and happy at home it's just when we venture out which is obviously inevitable when I have school runs to do.

Have you spoken to the parents about it?

Can they suggest anything they do different to you when going out? Cosy toes, double pushchair, sling, raincover

Simona
31-07-2015, 08:22 PM
Points taken, thanks guys. I'm confident parents are happy with the service but the baby screams as soon as we leave the house which I don't feel looks good on me on school runs and isn't nice for the other children. Baby is settled and happy at home it's just when we venture out which is obviously inevitable when I have school runs to do.

Ah!...somehow I felt there was a baby involved.
Mumofone...I had a baby just like that...happy at home but the minute we went out it was hellish!
I would stand in the school playground with this baby screaming and everyone looking...very difficult...the other children could not understand what was going on as she was, otherwise, very happy and sociable.
Ask mum if there is anything this baby likes when out...tell her your concern and I am sure you will get to the bottom of it!

Panic not!

Mouse
31-07-2015, 08:27 PM
It sounds to me like you're doing a good job, but having a bit of a confidence wobble.

What sort of pushchair do you use? Presumably a double as you've got your own baby. Sometimes babies just aren't happy in the buggy and it's a a bit of trial and error to find one that suits them.

mumofone
31-07-2015, 08:29 PM
Thanks guys, Yep baby hates double buggy and hates sling. Goes in buggy for parents though. Has a dummy but spits it out.

mumofone
31-07-2015, 08:30 PM
Trouble is when baby cries it sets mine off so with two crying babies it's not exactly a great advert for me!!!

Simona
31-07-2015, 08:43 PM
Trouble is when baby cries it sets mine off so with two crying babies it's not exactly a great advert for me!!!

Oh yes and you feel like the eyes of the world bear down on you...ignore it.....one baby can set the other off!
Baby does not like to share her space as she is used to her own buggy...distract baby if you can...with toys and all sorts....it will pass!

Mouse
31-07-2015, 09:26 PM
Have you got a side by side buggy or a tandem one? I've had children that hated the side by side, but were happy in the tandem, or the other way round. Is there anyway you could try to get them to sleep when it's time to go to school?

It is horrible when you've got screaming babies and feel like everyone is watching you. It always used to happen in the supermarket with my own children. After a while I got used to ignoring it (the crying and the feeling I was being watched), but DH never got used to it and would get very flustered!

natlou82
31-07-2015, 09:48 PM
I agree with the others Hun. I can see from your other posts that you are putting a hell of a lot of effort on to be the best CM you can be. Tbh on this forum I expect we are all the same as we are so conscientious and care so much about every aspect of our business and the care we give. It's very hard when child is one day a week, it takes longer to settle to your usual routine but trust me you will get there. One of my minders was 1 day a week and it took time, effort, and insecurities as a new minder. This child is now full time and my main income and honestly the most content lovely toddler. Please stick with it! Trust yourself :-)

blue bear
01-08-2015, 06:54 AM
Is there any chance baby could come more often one day a week is a very big break for a little one. How old is baby could it walk a bit? Would a single with buggy board work better. Toys in the pram, an iPod in the hood , things dangling from the hood, cosy toes, no cosy toes are all things I've tried and worked with various children.

moggy
01-08-2015, 07:10 AM
Great suggestions from blue bear and others.

Do you have a parent-facing buggy? Maybe baby is feeling upset when out because they are facing away from you? Have you spoken to parents? Have you seen baby out in buggy with parents- is there crying then? Is it a very different kind of buggy (parent facing? lower/higher?sitting/lying?) Can you borrow baby's own buggy for a few sessions to see if that helps? If you can manage your own baby in a sling you could then experiment with buggies.

Can baby have a bottle/beaker on the school run? Not ideal but might be a distraction (not sure how old baby is?)

Are there other problems or just the crying in the buggy?

It is the kind of thing that will pass. I would't take on a 1-day a week baby, can be hard to settle as 6-days inbetween is soooo long for a baby. 2 days minimum for me. Can you increase hours at all?

mumofone
01-08-2015, 09:15 AM
Thanks for the responses everyone. They may eventually increase hours but to be honest I'd be reluctant to because of this issue. Although I realise that's a catch 22 situation. All fine in all other aspects (hard work and some crying but only to be expected with a baby I guess). I can't really afford to test out different buggies but realise this may be the issue. My own child hates the buggy so all around its a bit stressful!

blue bear
01-08-2015, 12:04 PM
Mum of one where are you, I have a phil and teds you could try out that I'm not using at the moment

FloraDora
02-08-2015, 07:45 PM
Ok....you see yourself as still learning...but you are charging the going rate for childcare...so the parents expect the top standard. It's not like our local hairdresser where you pay less for a student than a very experienced hairdresser.
Unfortunately in the clients eyes if you are offering a service they expect the best...as you would from a plumber , electrician etc...

It's really up to you to find the solution.....borrow the parents buggy? Or just accept the protests initially ...and it's my experience that the child will get used to your systems.....or find a way to terminate without you looking like you are not capable to ensure your reputation isn't tarnished...
I have come full circle on your issue and now think....find a way to do it without affecting you long term...but start again with this experience under your belt.

Personally I find my days are fine with only one younger child.

Simona
03-08-2015, 08:06 AM
Thanks for the responses everyone. They may eventually increase hours but to be honest I'd be reluctant to because of this issue. Although I realise that's a catch 22 situation. All fine in all other aspects (hard work and some crying but only to be expected with a baby I guess). I can't really afford to test out different buggies but realise this may be the issue. My own child hates the buggy so all around its a bit stressful!

Please talk to the parent about this...obviously the baby is not used to your buggy and is showing her feelings.
Mum may come up with a solution...ask her to maybe give you something the baby carries in her own buggy?
The baby will certainly get over this but in the meantime the stress is a lot if she cries, gets your own baby to cry and you feel under pressure....she is still settling in after all.

Maybe mum could come for a little walk with you and witness what happens?
If the buggy is one where babies sit side by side then yes I too have seen this reaction...one where children sit one in front and one at the back maybe better for the moment.

Hope you get this sorted for everyone's sake.

bunyip
03-08-2015, 08:36 AM
Hi Mo1 :waving:

Tricky. I'm touching on things that might be slightly raw nerves. If I say anything you think is "personal" it wasn't meant that way, but you only need say so and I'll back off, OK?

Hmmmmmm.......... the learning curve. You might be on the steepest bit, but don't let anyone tell you it ever completely levels out onto a sunny wide easy plateau. I'm still learning after 4 years and hope it stays that way: who'd want to be bored with the same old same old?

I'm guessing the child at the centre of this is a most recent starter, right? And you're maybe kicking yourself for not having a settling-in period in which you could give immediate notice? If so, then at least that lesson is learned and you have something you can fix. So see that as a positive and that you're already becoming a better CM. :thumbsup:

Members will remember I agonised over letting a 'screamer' go. I felt awful/failure/etc. even though I'd done everything possible and firmly believed the family were ill-prepared for going back to work and did very little in the way of co-operating to help the situation. I had a 4-week settling-in clause and still took 4 months to reach the decision I should've made in 4 days, so there you go. So I'm stoopid, but I do at least know how totally wearing it is to have to put up with, plus the thing you've observed about the effect on the other mindees.

(Potential "offence" warning......) The only things that concern me at all from your OP, some of which is me reading between the lines, possibly incorrectly. You seem too bothered about what everyone else will think and you seem too bothered about being The Perfect Childminder (I'm overstating that, but I hope you know what I mean.)

Now I understand and pretty much agree with everything FloraDora says about the parents' expectations of quality. But I think you might be beating yourself up to do too much, too soon - maybe trying to fly a bit too close to the sun at this point. We all need to accept our limitations (and doG knows, I have plenty) and be the best you are right now. Wanting to be the best you can be is for the long term (think "marathon" - forget "sprint")

As for what 'other people' think when they see you with a screamer in the playground...... well, you're meant to be looking after children (which I'm sure you are) - only the wrong-minded people think you have to be a 24/7 walking billboard for 'Mo1 Childcare Services Inc.'. I understand your personal and professional worries about the playground yummies all chattering ("look at her. Can't she stop it crying?" - I've been there, done that, got the XXXL t-shirt) Actually, I've come to appreciate that sort of ****: it filters out the mums you don't want for clients: the ones who are impressed by style over substance and have massively unrealistic expectations of everyone else's childcare skills, while their own parenting talents usually leave a lot to be desired.

The point is that one of the most important skills you can develop as a CM is not planning, paperwork, or even how to get play dough out of that Ann Summers catsuit you accidentally left lying about ( :eek: ) It's what's known in the profession as 'a thick skin' , 'a pair of hairy ones' (if you like) or 'the ability not to give a 5h1t' about what others think. (Some members have noticed I have this in spades - they just haven't yet worked out that it's my only talent. :rolleyes: ) So your playground equation should look something like: crying babies = 1. gossiping mums = 50. Serene CMs = 1. Monkeys given = 0. :)

As for your little noise-machine in the playground, has it occurred to you that you might actually be putting across a positive aspect of abilities by how you deal with that? Forgive the own-trumpet-blowing, I'm saying this to help, but parents and other EY workers consistently say I'm very calm and patient with 'difficult' children (starting with my own family) - yeah, ok, I know, but when you've stopped laughing :laughing:, just remember people probably see you in just the same way - and maybe judge you far less than you appear to be judging yourself.

I've wibbled on for (nearly) long enough. Ultimately decide what to do for the sake of the people involved. That includes the wearing-down effect on yourself; the nuisance and limitations placed on other mindees who get more noise and less attention; and the little screamer. Can you work to improve things with the parents? They're not crying because you're there: they're crying because mum isn't. So that may be something that can be worked on.

Decide if you can do it and if you should do it - and don't even think about who might be watching...........because their opinions are their problem, not yours.

If you still feel you need to give notice, that's fine. We don't have to tie ourselves and other mindees into daily and prolonged misery. And they'd probably have failed to settle at 95%+ of other settings anyway - not your fault. If you're giving the proper notice period, you don't have to give a reason. If you do give a reason, then IIWY I'd concentrate on the effect on the other mindees and that you need to be fair on everyone, not giving the vast bulk of your time and attention to just one child.

Learn the lessons: settling-in periods; ask yourself how a new starter will fit or alter the overall dynamic mix; learn how to delve a little to look for this sort of thing when interviewing potential clients. But don't expect it all to come good all at once. And don't aim for perfection, as it only leads to disappointment.

Kirstylob
03-08-2015, 10:01 AM
Amazing advice from Bunyip , as usual.

AliceK
04-08-2015, 07:21 AM
I completely agree with Bunyip. I have had screamers, 1 I had to let go as parents clearly weren't on board with working with me to help him. The other I extended the settling in period, if anything this makes parents realise that you are serious about them needing to help too. It's no good if they are carrying their child around 24/7 and not letting them so much as whimper before picking them up, that's not helping you or ultimately their child. IF you really feel that you don't want to carry on then you are within your rights to give notice. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks, you need to do what is best for you and the other children. To be fair most of my screamers have been better when we are out and about in the buggy but there are no end of times when I have had 2 / 3 yr olds throwing the mother of all tantrums whilst we are out. I have had one who has done this ALL the way to school on more than one occasion. Yes people are probably looking although most of them know me by now, but I hope they are looking at the way I am dealing with this behaviour more than anything else. Remain calm, every single parent has been where you are. Yes we are childminders but we are not miracle workers, remember that :thumbsup:

xx

sing-low
04-08-2015, 01:36 PM
Hi Mumofone. I do feel for you, not easy having a screaming baby and having to do school runs. Just a thought - you say your own baby doesn't like the buggy, could you try them in a backpack? Perhaps borrow one from a friend? Easier to carry than a sling. And then have the other baby in the buggy on their own.

Also, I agree with Bunyip that you being calm with a screaming baby may be a very good advert for your childminding skills.

mumofone
04-08-2015, 08:36 PM
Thanks for all the responses guys, have been reading but not had time to respond with the summer hols :-) am still undecided what to do but your responses have given me food for thought :-)

Simona
05-08-2015, 08:27 AM
Thanks for all the responses guys, have been reading but not had time to respond with the summer hols :-) am still undecided what to do but your responses have given me food for thought :-)

We are all keeping our fingers crossed that the baby is now settling in well, buggy issues sorted and it was just a temporary worry...good luck and keep us posted :thumbsup: