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redtiger21
22-07-2015, 02:58 PM
What's everyone's stance on using time out (or called something else but same principle) as part of your behaviour management? If you don't, what do you use instead as a consequence of, say, a repeated or deliberate unwanted behaviour?
For those who do use it, have you ever encountered parents who disagree with it, and if so, do you explain that it's the way you work and carry on as before, or do you alter the way you deal with that particular child, but use time out with the rest of the mindees??
I ask because some of my mindees' parents don't really agree with time out- so I've tended to deal with that by calling it "thinking time", but I do have a 4yo who really does exhibit some challenging behaviour, not of typical "naughty" behaviour, but of rudeness, bad attitude and tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants, and I think she could certainly do with time out, but am a bit worried about upsetting parents as she's my main income being full time!
Thank you x

tess1981
22-07-2015, 03:18 PM
I use it.... If gives child time to reflect and me minute or two to breathe....
Finding it hard to type getting nails done. 😁😁😁
If a parent does not like this method I'm not the childminder for them

vals
22-07-2015, 04:37 PM
i had an inspector that didn't agree with it. He asked me what it did etc I tried explaining about taking them away from the situation if its hurting another child, showing them that they miss out on something if they aren't kind, time to reflect etc. He didn't agree with any of that and used fancy words and called it something else, by which time I had had enough and told him that using fancy language didn't change it, it was the same thing. he said I should let them sit on the sofa and read a book. I said that would be like rewarding the bad behaviour and that I wasn't going to change how i dealt with behaviour issues as I know what i am doing. He stopped arguing then lol.
As for a parent not agreeing, I have a behaviour policy and will happily work with parents, but at the end of the day in my house its my rules. If a parent doesn't agree they need to be reminded that at school they will also have their way of dealing with things. You are a professional and have training and experience and are doing what works best in your setting, if you start treating one child differently the other children will pick up on it and chances are they will act up too.

sing-low
22-07-2015, 06:32 PM
What's everyone's stance on using time out (or called something else but same principle) as part of your behaviour management? If you don't, what do you use instead as a consequence of, say, a repeated or deliberate unwanted behaviour? For those who do use it, have you ever encountered parents who disagree with it, and if so, do you explain that it's the way you work and carry on as before, or do you alter the way you deal with that particular child, but use time out with the rest of the mindees?? I ask because some of my mindees' parents don't really agree with time out- so I've tended to deal with that by calling it "thinking time", but I do have a 4yo who really does exhibit some challenging behaviour, not of typical "naughty" behaviour, but of rudeness, bad attitude and tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants, and I think she could certainly do with time out, but am a bit worried about upsetting parents as she's my main income being full time! Thank you x
I don't think it does children any harm if there are different expectations/ways of dealing with behaviour in different places (home, childminder's, grandparents...) - as long as it is clear to them what the rules/limits are in each place. I think what would be most confusing would be different rules for different children in the same place.

Mouse
22-07-2015, 06:53 PM
I don't like the idea of a dedicate spot where you send children to - a chair or stair for a set time - but I do think there are times when they need removing from a situation and being given time to realise they've done something wrong. If a child is playing up I will give them one warning. I tell them to stop doing whatever it is or they will have to come and sit with me. If they do it again I move them to wherever I am. I tell them what it is they've done wrong and why I've had to move them (to stop them hurting a child, spoiling a game or annoying another child). After a short while I ask if they're going to play nicely and remind them that if they do it again they will have to come back to sit with me.

If a child has been hurt or upset it's important for them to see that it's not OK and that the child who has hurt them has to face the consequences. What message is it sending to them if a child hurts them but is allowed to carry on playing or is allowed to sit on the sofa reading a book?

If your parents aren't keen on time out I would ask them what methods they do at home. I bet it's a very similar approach, they just use different words!

Mouse
22-07-2015, 06:56 PM
I don't think it does children any harm if there are different expectations/ways of dealing with behaviour in different places (home, childminder's, grandparents...) - as long as it is clear to them what the rules/limits are in each place. I think what would be most confusing would be different rules for different children in the same place.

I agree with that completely. I often see it said that there should be consistency between home and the childminder's, but children are very adaptable and learn from a very early age that there are different rules in different places.

redtiger21
22-07-2015, 08:24 PM
Thank you everyone. You all make a very good point! I think I've been a bit slack on behaviour management lately if I'm honest- I'm exhausted due to serious family issues of my own (have taken two days off but you know what it's like not letting people down!), and I find I need real energy to stick to my guns properly and enforce things, especially with my full timer, who I genuinely believe doesn't receive any consequences at home other than being "told off", because her parents are intimidated by the force of her mood and tantrums- and I can see where they are coming from, her mood can blacken the atmosphere of my little setting like you wouldn't believe, but I really need to start sharpening up a bit!

sing-low
23-07-2015, 01:00 PM
Thank you everyone. You all make a very good point! I think I've been a bit slack on behaviour management lately if I'm honest- I'm exhausted due to serious family issues of my own (have taken two days off but you know what it's like not letting people down!), and I find I need real energy to stick to my guns properly and enforce things, especially with my full timer, who I genuinely believe doesn't receive any consequences at home other than being "told off", because her parents are intimidated by the force of her mood and tantrums- and I can see where they are coming from, her mood can blacken the atmosphere of my little setting like you wouldn't believe, but I really need to start sharpening up a bit!
Really sorry to hear this, red tiger. Doing behaviour management 'properly' i.e. Ignoring the noisy tantrums or bad moods when the children realise that no means no this time, is really really hard work. And if your efforts are being undermined by parents letting her walk all over them at home then it is doubly difficult. Hugs for you!

redtiger21
23-07-2015, 08:21 PM
Really sorry to hear this, red tiger. Doing behaviour management 'properly' i.e. Ignoring the noisy tantrums or bad moods when the children realise that no means no this time, is really really hard work. And if your efforts are being undermined by parents letting her walk all over them at home then it is doubly difficult. Hugs for you!

Thank you! It's very hard, but that's my new goal for myself :)

alex__17
23-07-2015, 10:15 PM
Sorry to ask a question on this thread, but how do people deal with an unruly child that is your own?!
My own child (3 today!) often acts up as I'm getting packed lunches ready or need to leave for school run etc, when he knows I'm busy and I know he does it for attention because I don't have time to give him the attention he wants as I'm busy sorted other children...without minded children there occasionally I have to use time out and it works fine, when others are there we can spend a good half hour returning him as he screams the place down...I usually end up sitting there with him as he goes mental, but it's really hard as I'm obviously unable to look after the other children if I'm constantly returning him to time out for what could go on for a long time!
Caught in a bit of a catch 22, he gets my attention by acting up and ultimately gets it because he won't stay there, and he knows it but I feel at a loss to what to do when I have others to look after or need to get to school etc!
What do others do? It's not every day, and I am finding a reward chart for when he's helpful and gets ready for school quickly etc is working well especially as he gets older, but when he's tired he couldn't care less about a reward chart! I'd be grateful for any methods that others have found work for their own child when mindees are there, it's only when he knows I can't keep returning him indefinitely he pushes the boundaries!

redtiger21
23-07-2015, 10:25 PM
Sorry to ask a question on this thread, but how do people deal with an unruly child that is your own?!
My own child (3 today!) often acts up as I'm getting packed lunches ready or need to leave for school run etc, when he knows I'm busy and I know he does it for attention because I don't have time to give him the attention he wants as I'm busy sorted other children...without minded children there occasionally I have to use time out and it works fine, when others are there we can spend a good half hour returning him as he screams the place down...I usually end up sitting there with him as he goes mental, but it's really hard as I'm obviously unable to look after the other children if I'm constantly returning him to time out for what could go on for a long time!
Caught in a bit of a catch 22, he gets my attention by acting up and ultimately gets it because he won't stay there, and he knows it but I feel at a loss to what to do when I have others to look after or need to get to school etc!
What do others do? It's not every day, and I am finding a reward chart for when he's helpful and gets ready for school quickly etc is working well especially as he gets older, but when he's tired he couldn't care less about a reward chart! I'd be grateful for any methods that others have found work for their own child when mindees are there, it's only when he knows I can't keep returning him indefinitely he pushes the boundaries!

That's a tough one isn't it! Our own children know exactly when to strike don't they?! My 13 year old still does it, she ALWAYS waits until parents are there collecting before she comes down into my already-cramped hallway to get her shoes and put them on, then asks to "borrow" some money from me, knowing I'll want to avoid letting them see just how evil she can behave when she's in a bad mood! For a 3 year old, depending on what the exact behaviours are, I would try a complete removal of "positive" interaction when he's acting up-if you have time to keep putting him back into time out, make sure you don't look at him, maybe say one word like "No" or "back now". And if you're leaving the house, just strap him in the buggy or car seat, again no attention whatsoever (even if you have to fold him in half to get him into that seat!!) and ignore, ignore ignore. I've always been a lot more strict with my own children than with mindees. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong, think I just answered my own issue there too!

alex__17
23-07-2015, 10:44 PM
Thank you so much, glad it's not just me! To be honest I totally get why he does it, on the whole he's coped brilliantly with me minding but at the end of the day he's sharing his house, his toys and his mummy with a bunch of other kids, and while he loves playing with them there are times he acts up as he wants all my attention, and it's the exact time he just can't have all my attention...

And you can guess the time he really really is at his worst is a Monday, when I have 2 younger ones that can't walk the distance to school so need to go in the buggy...guarantee that's the day he refuses to put his shoes on and flips out as we leave the house for school...!

Ah they're clever little ones aren't they?! Amazes me how clever they can be, if only he knew how much happier everything would be without the tantrums...!