Taking on a difficult sibling after school

[roecliffe]

Hi, hope some kind experienced childminders out there might be able to give me some advice. I have a successful before and after school club I run from home. I've mainly had the same children for the last 3.5 years but this month everyone's hours seem to have changed. My issue is a family that I care for a 8 year old he's a real handful he comes 3 times a week before and after school, his sibling is staying school in September and the family only want me to have the boys however I've looked after the sibling for 2 years prior before he went to nursery so I'm aware if his temperament and needs and he is the same as his brother and the thought of having them both together again would be awful and I don't think I could cope it was hard enough last time. I had originally told the family I didn't have any availability which I didn't but they since found out from another parent that there circumstances had changed and a place had been freed on the Wednesday eve and a place Friday before and after school, she just presumed on my doorstep a few days ago these places would be hers, I told her she had to go through the proper channels like everyone else and I have to wait for notification fromone parent first before I offer out places, at this pint I wasn't even aware if the other parents changes they just discussed this amongst themselves prior, she wasn't too happy when I said she'd have to wait, as I also have another parent with a sibling wanting places too this next term. Problem is I don't want to take in her youngster ax I do t think I can cope with them both and I feel it would affect me and the other children in my care. What do I do ? I'd thought about saying I wasn't taking on any you get children this term or that I was holding back hours for the moment? But she may continue to enquire if I end up taking on other children later on? Should u just be frank and say I can't manage both boys? I have to see these people and their children daily for the Next 6 years at school, how do I be tactful and not be rude? I was just hoping because she wanted 4 days wrap around for both boys she'd look elsewhere for care.. She seems to be hanging out. I need to get this wrapped up and off my mind and stop worrying it's making me feel
Most stressed! What do other minders do out there if they don't want to take a child on ??? X thanking anyone for some advice

[loocyloo]

oh goodness, what a difficult one!

do you have a space that you want to fill? if not ( or you don't want to fill it ) then you can say to mum, "I don't have any availability at the moment" just because you HAVE a space, doesn't mean you HAVE to fill it!

depending on how well you get on with her, can you say that you don't think your setting is the place for her child at the moment? after school he might need lots of room to run around/burn off energy and you have a 'quiet' house? Or that, having already cared for her child ( and how lovely he is ) you just don't feel that with the current mix of children, he would fit in.

would mum move the older child if the younger one didn't come? would that be a problem? it sort of reads to me that the older one is a handful as well, so maybe you might be better off without either of them?

if you do fill the space later, that is your decision, not mums. 'personal circumstances' can cover a lot of changes! ( I had a parent asking for a space she 'knew' I had, but I said no, I wasn't taking on more schoolies. then a month later, I ended up taking on a friends child afterschool due to circumstances changing! )

don't do something if it will make you unhappy or dread working. I know its hard when you need to earn an income, but some children/families are not worth the stress.

good luck. xx

[AliceK]

I agree with Loocyloo. She has given you some very diplomatic ways of saying you do not have a space for this child.

I also agree that if a child / family causes you so much stress you need to get rid. Our job is stressful enough already but we should enjoy it and if one family is making you not enjoy it then it will effect everything.

Good luck xx

[Mummits]

I think I would probably say that I had given some thought to the mix of ages and personalities and didn't think that the combination would work. You could even say that you think you would prefer to take on another toddler/older child/girl, whatever, to "balance up" your group and underline that it is not personal, just your judgement of who/what would work best. Or say you've decided not to have siblings for business reasons - too many eggs in one basket etc.

It is very likely, I suspect, that they will pull the older boy out too, and I have to agree that this doesn't sound like a calamity either.