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View Full Version : Thoughtless selfish thoughtless and some more selfish



Fitrix
17-05-2015, 10:00 AM
So having 6 kids lie ins are by nature few and far between. But last night we managed to get all 6 farmed out to various friends/activities/their dads etc. No kids in the house - yay! Yet one of my parents felt the need to text at 07.50 this morning (Sunday morning) to state plans for Thursday next week........ My ringer was on incase of any emergency as all kids not with me. If anyone can think of a cutting response I will use it!!

bunyip
17-05-2015, 10:24 AM
No offence, but have you actually told clients what you regard as "reasonable" or "unreasonable" times to contact you? :huh:

If you don't tell people, they don't know. :(

Maza
17-05-2015, 10:29 AM
OMG, how annoying. This has happened a few times with me too, but not with mindees. Once my cleaner (yes, I know I'm lucky to have one) sent me a text at 6am telling me that she wouldn't be able to come at 1pm that day. Twice I have been woken up by different neighbours who had locked themselves out and needed me to let them in through the communal front door. None of them have kids and so just don't appreciate how precious lie ins are! I would just be straight and ask them (in a polite but firm way) not to text you at that time on a weekend again. They should be embarrassed, not you. x

lollipop kid
17-05-2015, 10:38 AM
So having 6 kids lie ins are by nature few and far between. But last night we managed to get all 6 farmed out to various friends/activities/their dads etc. No kids in the house - yay! Yet one of my parents felt the need to text at 07.50 this morning (Sunday morning) to state plans for Thursday next week........ My ringer was on incase of any emergency as all kids not with me. If anyone can think of a cutting response I will use it!!

I used a childminder when my DD was little. Her approach was to have it written in her contracts that she was only contactable by text (not calls) Monday to Friday, between the hours of 8am and 6pm. Outwith these times, she would not be looking at her phone, nor would she be able to respond to texts until her next working day (Monday to Friday). She also made it clear that parents could call in emergency situations but that she may not be able to answer their calls if she was attending to a child's needs, as their needs have to come first, so leave a voicemail or text and she would respond when she was able to.

I thought this was pretty cool, and have been meaning to add something similar to my contracts.

Hope it helps,

L

bunyip
17-05-2015, 10:52 AM
I used a childminder when my DD was little. Her approach was to have it written in her contracts that she was only contactable by text (not calls) Monday to Friday, between the hours of 8am and 6pm. Outwith these times, she would not be looking at her phone, nor would she be able to respond to texts until her next working day (Monday to Friday). She also made it clear that parents could call in emergency situations but that she may not be able to answer their calls if she was attending to a child's needs, as their needs have to come first, so leave a voicemail or text and she would respond when she was able to.

I thought this was pretty cool, and have been meaning to add something similar to my contracts.

Hope it helps,

L

That's pretty much what I've got. I also add the clarification that "lack of planning on your part does not constitute an 'emergency' on my part." :D

See, everyone is different and it's rarely wise to assume that one person's version of "a reasonable time to call" will be the same for everybody else. Is it "reasonable" to call when they're working or "reasonable" to call when they're relaxing? :huh:

For shift workers (and I've been there) it is totally selfish and thoughtless for the rest of the world to be letting off fireworks on bonfire night or new year's eve when you've got to be up at 3am for work the next day.

Communication is the key to expectations. :thumbsup:

Fitrix
17-05-2015, 11:14 AM
Absolutely agree on the what is reasonable and unreasonable and if they aren't told how can they know. I just expect all adults with a modicum of intelligence to use common courtesy and thought. Why even risk disturbing someone who you know has a lot of kids and could do with a break when what you have to say could easily wait??
Problem is that this parent was one of my nice considerate ones until she booked a 10 day holiday and was shocked that I still expected to be paid...... Since that she has been treating me like the hired help and I can't help but think this morning's wake up call was deliberate.

loocyloo
17-05-2015, 11:16 AM
How annoying fitrix, but mum may not have known you had your phone on/with you. I leave my phone on silent overnight and often get texts that have been sent at odd times! It means I can deal with them when I wake up.
I too send texts late/early but don't expect replies.

Fitrix
17-05-2015, 11:32 AM
How annoying fitrix, but mum may not have known you had your phone on/with you. I leave my phone on silent overnight and often get texts that have been sent at odd times! It means I can deal with them when I wake up.
I too send texts late/early but don't expect replies.

Absolutely - it was ***'s law I had the ringer on but I do if my kids are away just incase. I know she wouldn't have known.

Call me niaive/twee whatever, I do think its pants that we feel the need to write details into our contracts to counter parents actions that should be borne out of what should be basic human decency.

bunyip
17-05-2015, 12:31 PM
I agree it's frustrating. But a large part of working in any service sector industry involves stating the obvious to the clueless. :p Sounds like this client is clueless, so tell her the obvious.

The alternative is..............well.......... the alternative is what you just experienced. :(

hectors house
17-05-2015, 12:40 PM
I have my phone on at night time - if one of my married daughter's were taken ill and in hospital I know my son in laws wouldn't have a clue what the land line number is!

Fitrix
17-05-2015, 01:05 PM
I agree it's frustrating. But a large part of working in any service sector industry involves stating the obvious to the clueless. :p Sounds like this client is clueless, so tell her the obvious.

The alternative is..............well.......... the alternative is what you just experienced. :(

The problem with that though is that I find despite having some "rules of expected behaviour" written into my contract (such as 'if your contracted start time is 07.30 please do not rock up at 07.20 and expect a warm welcome', and 'if I am open for business but you decide to jet off to the Seychelles you will still have to pay me! ' - worded slightly differently - I find that several months into our working relationship parents seem to shelve what they signed and make up their own rules.
So I could keep reminding them - say in the form of a newsletter - but that would invariably become wallpaper to them and be ignored. Or I could address issues as and when they come up but that seems to provoke their anger - as diplomatic as I try to be.
So I'm left with tell them and be ignored. Or don't tell them - niaively expect a modicum of decency and common sense - and be ignored.

So for all you wise and wonderful childminders with realms of "rules of behaviour of parents" written into your contracts what do you do when the rules get broken??

Ripeberry
17-05-2015, 01:15 PM
How annoying fitrix, but mum may not have known you had your phone on/with you. I leave my phone on silent overnight and often get texts that have been sent at odd times! It means I can deal with them when I wake up.
I too send texts late/early but don't expect replies.

I never have my mobile by my bed. If it's important, then they can use the land line.

Mouse
17-05-2015, 01:25 PM
My children are all older, so I can have a lie in most weekends if I want. It do get peeved when I get a parent texting for something trivial at 8am on a Sunday morning, but knowing the child, I figure they have probably been up for hours and have totally forgotten that some people are able to stay in bed at the weekend. A reply at 2.30 in the morning is usually enough to get my own back :p:laughing:

I have my contact info written in the front of the children's daily diaries along with a note telling parents when they can contact me (between 7am-7pm, Monday - Friday and between 10am-4pm at the weekend). For any other times I ask them to email me and tell them I will get back to them asap.

lollipop kid
17-05-2015, 03:31 PM
I leave my mobile downstairs on my desk at the weekend. (This is so parents can get used to me not being instantly available. I haven't given them the landline - it's too loud!)

:D

L

watford wizz
17-05-2015, 04:23 PM
Don't understand why you don't have work phones separate from your personal ones if this is a problem and as said before give specific hours for contact availability x

natlou82
17-05-2015, 04:46 PM
Tbh it doesn't bother me particularly. I have a "moon setting" on my phone so it doesn't ping loudly between 10:30-6am except for people on my favourites list (family) so that helps. I'm always awake by 7am even at a weekend (my body clock) and I am one of those people who has to think of others when I txt cause I do forget that the world doesn't wake when I do.

shortstuff
17-05-2015, 04:46 PM
with most smart phones now you can have priority numbers which can call you all the time but all other numbers can be received only at certain hours. This might be a good idea for you. That way you can choose what time you receive contact from your parents :thumbsup:

bunyip
17-05-2015, 05:29 PM
The problem with that though is that I find despite having some "rules of expected behaviour" written into my contract (such as 'if your contracted start time is 07.30 please do not rock up at 07.20 and expect a warm welcome', and 'if I am open for business but you decide to jet off to the Seychelles you will still have to pay me! ' - worded slightly differently - I find that several months into our working relationship parents seem to shelve what they signed and make up their own rules.
So I could keep reminding them - say in the form of a newsletter - but that would invariably become wallpaper to them and be ignored. Or I could address issues as and when they come up but that seems to provoke their anger - as diplomatic as I try to be.
So I'm left with tell them and be ignored. Or don't tell them - niaively expect a modicum of decency and common sense - and be ignored.

So for all you wise and wonderful childminders with realms of "rules of behaviour of parents" written into your contracts what do you do when the rules get broken??

Ah......I see now. :( In hindsight, I think my earlier posts were made without the benefit of a clear picture of just how naughty your mums have become.

I think your clients are behaving in such a way that you maybe need not "word it so differently" after all.

I'd be tempted to start with a big sign in the entrance hall saying "The childminder respectfully requests all parents comply with her policies and procedures, as a punch in the stomach sometimes offends." :rolleyes:

Fitrix
17-05-2015, 05:54 PM
with most smart phones now you can have priority numbers which can call you all the time but all other numbers can be received only at certain hours. This might be a good idea for you. That way you can choose what time you receive contact from your parents :thumbsup:

Brilliant suggestion. I will set those numbers up. Only prob is that two kids were away camping with school/other groups and not allowed mobiles so I had no idea who might be calling me if they were in trouble of some sort.

There are always contingency plans one can make and 'suggestions' we can forewarn parents of but I do think the world has become a very disrespectful place.

When I was a kid if the phone rang after 9pm we all stared at each other in abject horror at the audacity of anyone calling so late! With the advent of mobiles and email it seems everyone is expected to be contactable at all times. I get there are things I can put in place to avoid being disturbed, my irk is merely the thoughtlessness of people these days.

Think I'm getting old and cranky!!!

Fitrix
17-05-2015, 05:56 PM
Don't understand why you don't have work phones separate from your personal ones if this is a problem x

Excellent idea. And I could hire a butler to answer them both!!

bunyip
17-05-2015, 06:43 PM
Think I'm getting old and cranky!!!

I'm already there! :clapping:

Sexism alert ! I do feel that, as a man, I have the advantage. I'm capable of totally ignoring any 'phone. I know of very few females who can do that.

But I do understand what you mean about having to keep the 'phone switched on when you might be needed for emergency. I had the same when my father-in-law was in his last few years and mother-in-law might need us at any time to deal with a fall, etc. Some people will take advantage of that 'availability', and it's not nice. :(

In those circumstances, I'd be sorely tempted to reply about 0530 the next morning. :rolleyes:

Rubybubbles
18-05-2015, 12:22 PM
Don't understand why you don't have work phones separate from your personal ones if this is a problem and as said before give specific hours for contact availability x

Because it's hard enough remembering 1 one haha! Oh and cost - I know you can put it through 100% if a work phone, but I'm not running 2 phones for sure x

bunyip
18-05-2015, 03:15 PM
Eeee, when I wor a lad we didn't have 2 'phones each. We had 1 'phone between 2 families and thought ourselves lucky. :D

Anybody else remember having a party line and considering themselves well off? :laughing:

lollipop kid
18-05-2015, 03:32 PM
Eeee, when I wor a lad we didn't have 2 'phones each. We had 1 'phone between 2 families and thought ourselves lucky. :D

Anybody else remember having a party line and considering themselves well off? :laughing:

I remember thinking I was doing well if there were still window panes in the red phone box (and no puddle of wee-wee and a working phone were distinct bonuses!)

:)

L

LilMisConfused
18-05-2015, 03:51 PM
On the "not knowing the number of the person who might call" point - if you have an I phone you can set up 'repeated calls' as part of the do not disturb function, so that if the same person rings you twice within 3 minutes it will override the do not disturb. I have that, as well as the allow calls from favourites on my do not disturb so I know that in an emergency someone could still get through (but I don't get woken up by every email or text!)

bunyip
18-05-2015, 03:55 PM
I remember thinking I was doing well if there were still window panes in the red phone box (and no puddle of wee-wee and a working phone were distinct bonuses!)

:)

L

Ooooooh yes. When you accidentally dropped your 2p coin on the floor and just left it there rather than risk catching something. :eek:

shortstuff
18-05-2015, 05:57 PM
Eeee, when I wor a lad we didn't have 2 'phones each. We had 1 'phone between 2 families and thought ourselves lucky. :D

Anybody else remember having a party line and considering themselves well off? :laughing:

I remember we had a home phone. But it was one with a dial n mum put a lock on it. She had the only key :-(

bunyip
18-05-2015, 06:27 PM
I remember we had a home phone. But it was one with a dial n mum put a lock on it. She had the only key :-(

Oh, we're way off-topic now, but what fun. :D

Before we got a party-line (when I was 16) we had to use a neighbour's 'phone for those important calls that deserved better than the urine-stinking call box up the street. Lots of people let neighbours use their 'phone and they all had a not-entirely-discreet little money box on the telephone table by way of a hint: usually emblazoned with "A present from Scarborough" or similar. :laughing:

Maza
18-05-2015, 07:38 PM
My mum put a lock on ours too! I used to hate it when she started getting itemised bills and could see what I had been up to! We were one of the first people to get a phone on our street (God knows why, we were usually a decade behind on things like a colour tv) and everyone used to come and use our phone. It started to annoy my mum because they would leave a 10p coin even though they had clearly used more than 10ps worth.

Before we had a phone I remember going to the phone box with my mum while she made all her calls. She would wait until she had a list of calls to make before going. I then used to sit on the pavement outside waiting for what seemed like an eternity. Do you remember doing 'reverse charges'. Also, looking up people's phone numbers in the big books which got delivered with the Yellow Pages. I remember when we were getting our first phone we had a family discussion on whether it should be red, green or cream. We also had to buy a 'telephone stand' and it doubled up as a coat rack. When I got a bit older and had boyfriends or needed private conversations with my friends I used to go mad if people needed the loo and had to get past me on the stairs where we used to sit whilst on the phone - no locking yourself away in bedrooms in those days!

shortstuff
18-05-2015, 08:06 PM
Even further off topic.

Goodness knows how my mum afforded a phone. Everything else seemed to require money to work. Like the electric n gas meters n even the tv! We used to get sent round the neighbours asking if they had 50p's in change lol

KatieFS
18-05-2015, 09:48 PM
Annoying!!!!

I set my mobile to silent until I'm ready in the morning. If anything is urgent we've land line or husbo phone.
I try not to reply to texts or emails later than 8, ad think this creates an expectation with parents. So when I reply I say sorry didn't reply sooner, I don't check my phone after work hours.