behaviour help please

[watgem]

I really need advice please I mainly care for boys, one is 41/2 and has SPD and possibly other issues and has very challenging behaviour(not in school yet) which his younger(2) sibling copies, and a 31/2 year old-all absolutely refuse to cooperate with anything-tidying up, getting ready for school etc-I've tried everything I can think of-plenty of warning, simple positively worded instructions,reward charts, photographic timelines, silly songs to jolly them along, natural consequences, helping them, I just don't know what else to do!!! we have had no support in our area for over 2 years and I feel like the worst cm in the world , none of my colleagues seem to have this trouble. I do follow through with any consequences so for example today LO was reminded that if he didn't tidy his cars up there would be no birthday cake later (not his birthday) I do realise that bys often get a kick of testosterone at this age as I'm mum to 5 boys, and can't be expected to behave all of the time, we have a predictable routine and I plan for the childrens interests/schemas etc and that expectations need to be realistic and to pick your battles etc , any advice and virtual hugs pleasexxx

[sarah707]

Ask parents in for a meeting and find out what is happening at home.

You can put all the interventions in place you want but if it's not being backed up at home you will struggle to make a difference.

Maybe simplify your daily routines so things like making food, tidying up, getting ready etc are given more focus as parts of the day rather than rushing things to get done ... they are skills children need for school and should be priority.

Hopefully it's a passing phase xx

[hectors house]

Haven't got any advice other than well done for persevering as I know you have posted before about the eldest one - you are not a bad childminder, you are standing by this child and his family when many others would have given notice and as you say we haven't had any support from Development Officers in Somerset for nearly 2 years - is this child having support from other agencies, if so it may be worth contacting them for some strategies or your SENCo?

I think that often children heading off to school in September do start pushing the boundaries (large fish in a small pond and all that), what does this child really like, mine will tidy up if they can have to TV on?

Sending you virtual hugs :thumbsup:

[jillplum]

I would maybe be turn it around for example if it is nearly lunchtime then remind them they need to tidy up etc then you go and get lunch ready. Dont say anything else to them but at the apprpriate time you sit down and start eating lunch. When they come and ask where their lunch is just say its waiting on the counter until you tidy up. Worth a try. No fuss or anything just you calmly enjoying your lunch lol

[TinyTinker]

I've done that before Jillplum, lol.....we always tidy up before lunch, but when we had all the schoolies here in the holidays, one day they was a big mess and nobody wanted to clear up - so I said nobody gets lunch until they have tidied up! So made all the lunches and true to my word didn't bring any in until they had tidied. nothing like a bit of incentive, lol.

we tidy up again at the end of the day (just before the majority go home) then if any are staying a bit later, we just get a few quite play time things out.

Most children co-operate with it, but agreed I do find the boys need more persuasion:rolleyes:

[samb]

What are his sensory issues? He may feel overwhelmed with things like tidy up time if there is mess everywhere and the guidelines are just "tidy up" but may be able to cope better if it is more streamlined so you tidy up with the other children some things and then put up the picture of the small cars and say can you tidy these small cars and leave him to it? Too much input could cause a meltdown. Maybe he doesn't like the noise of the toys going into the toy box crashing around and he will never be ok to tidy toys... Sometimes as frustrating as it is we have to adapt our expectation of children with spd and in this case he may just not ever tidy up- in the grand scheme of things this is not so bad. My son has spd and I have given up on expecting him to walk 2 school runs- it is just too unpredictable whether he will cope so instead we go in the car or walk when it's just the one run. This was advise from the paediatrician- to just accept that tasks we consider normal cannot be accessed by everyone. Hope that helps.

[NightOwl]

Excuse my ignorance but what is SPD?

[samb]

Sensory processing disorder - part of the autistic spectrum

[NightOwl]

Thank you. I will look it up (I've started caring for an autistic lo) recently :-)

[NightOwl]

Hi watgem. I struggle at tidy up time and mainly care for boys. I end up with toys all piled in a corner or same box. There is also the child who will do anything to get out of tidying up, including suddenly needing the toilet. Have you tried using a large sand timer. I have a 5 min timer and a 10 min timer. The los see if they can finish tidying up before it runs out. If it does run out they can take turns in turning it over. You could use an egg timer too but the sand timer is better visually. (I've mentioned the sand timer before in another thread so sorry if it was yours). Hugs :-)