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mumofone
08-05-2015, 04:36 PM
My 6 yr old mindee snaps at me whenever I ask her a question. Will say things like "I said so didnt i". Has a go at me every single day I pick her up from school (standing in the wrong place, smiling at her teacher etc etc).

I can't work out where the issue is, whether it's her or me.

She questions every single thing I do or says. She never says please, never thank you. Never says goodbye when she leaves.

Ironically inbetween all this she sometimes seems perfectly happy so is this just normal 6 year old behaviour?

If she was my daughter id tell her for being rude to be honest but obviously can't as her CM!

ajc
08-05-2015, 05:41 PM
Hi, sorry but why can't you tell her she's rude? Believe me I would, and have before!

Maza
08-05-2015, 05:51 PM
What do you mean 'obviously as her childminder I can't'? Of course you can! It is your duty to do so. (Don't mean to make you feel bad, I know it's hard). There is an old saying along the lines of 'it takes a whole village to raise a child' and you are a key person in that village - you have responsibilities (honestly not trying to be preachy or rude - I'm far, far from perfect).

Last year (Reception) my DD was really snappy from the time I picked her up from school and for the journey home and I felt like I was treading on eggshells. I knew why she was doing it - she was physically, emotionally and socially exhausted, had had to toe the line all day and I was her outlet. One day I had just had enough and had a grown up talk with her. I laid down the boundaries - she was to treat me with respect. It was becoming the norm for her to be snappy with me - she would not have dared be snappy with any other adult though. Whatever the reason, we do not deserve to be spoken to like that, we have rights too.

In my first year as a teacher (1997) some of the children ran rings around me but I was too embarrassed to admit it and ask for support as I felt it would make me look incompetent. Please don't feel like I did - it is the child and her parents who have a few things to learn, not you!

I think it might be time to speak to the parents. It shouldn't be done in front of the child if you can help it. You could start by asking them how they think their child is settling in. You could then say that she doesn't always seem happy, and mention her behaviour at school pick up. Keep it factual, don't put your emotions into the email/face to face conversation. Then say that you need her to engage with you in more appropriate ways and could you all work together as a team?

Maza
08-05-2015, 05:56 PM
Sorry, pressed enter before I had finished. I wanted to add that this family don't know how lucky they are to have you. From all of your posts you seem like a very dedicated, hard working childminder who is really thinking about the needs and interests of the mindee. Keep your chin up. What would the child do if you refused to give her something unless she said 'please'? What is your reaction to her when she tells you not to look at her teacher?

If you don't feel the parents are supporting you, don't be afraid to give notice and get a family who appreciates you and doesn't sap you of all your energy and self belief. xxx

natlou82
08-05-2015, 06:07 PM
I agree with the others. I've had a tough night with some of my mindees tonight and I've told them respect works both ways. If they respect me and the rules of the setting then I organise fun activities, trips out in the hols etc but the behaviour tonight was not acceptable. You need to set firm boundaries, make it clear you will not accept this rudeness and also talk to Mum. To answer your question about whether this is normal 6 yr old behaviour I would say no. My own DD is nearly 6 and I also look after others of the same age and none of them talk to me in this manner and I certainly would not accept it.

chris goodyear
08-05-2015, 06:17 PM
I agree with everyone else. I have had and still do at the moment grumpy kids in the morning who just come in and don't even say hello or good morning when I have said it to them. I don't let it go and will get right down to them and repeat it until they say something in return (hopefully nothing rude cos that would be a real bad start to the day)! I did it this morning and mum said to her son please say good morning when you come in and don't be rude. Sometimes they don't realise they are being rude but I wouldn't tolerate a 6 year old treating me like that. Remember you are the adult.

keohane1
08-05-2015, 06:30 PM
There is no way I would put up with that kind of attitude from a child that age. I would be telling her not to speak to me in that manner again and if she doesn't change I would be telling her parents. If it still doesn't change I would end contracts.
She is probably pushing her luck because you don't say anything to her. Put an end to it otherwise she will walk all over you the little madam!

alex__17
09-05-2015, 08:29 AM
I tell mindees if they're being rude...as I tell my own nearly 3 year old not to be rude (yelling no when I ask him to do something!), I was brought up to be respectful of adults and polite and I expect the same of the kids I look after, they can push their luck, but outright rudeness I wouldn't tolerate of adult or child it's just not necessary.
I used to have a 6 year old who ignored me and other kids on the way home from school, in a mood as she wanted mummy collecting, if another child was asking her something I often said to her don't be rude, you're being asked a question please answer it, you wouldn't like it if we ignored your questions, that usually sorted it.
I also got my unruly 6 year olds who ran riot one afternoon a week when all 3 came together to write their own house rules, they decided that being polite and listening to an adult and doing as the adult asked were important rules, I didn't even have to prompt them! They wrote their rules out, we stuck them up, and if behaviour slipped they had to go and read them to themselves, if they stuck to their rules they got a sticker, worked better than I ever imagined

FloraDora
09-05-2015, 09:09 AM
I couldn't agree more with Maza, you are very dedicated.

I always use the tact of being lovely to the children and role modalling niceness, politeness etc...so if children are rude I can use the tack of I never am to them. I talk about them hurting my feelings too.

Because you have the time in this early stage of building up clientel I would put a lot into my planning for her, make it really personal, plan the previous night with her so that on pick up she is enthusiastic about what she is going home to you to do.

There are two ways I think to approach the rudeness, tackle it - though that is difficult to do in the street outside school! But you could have a quiet dissapointing type talk when you get home.
Or ignore it, don't respond ( that's what she may be seeking) be ultra nice and enthusiastic and pleasant .praise her for the good things, good road safety, walking by you talk about the activities you plan to do when you get home., the flowers/ gardens you pass, houses up for sale etc.......your happiness may rub off on her, if she is tired or really wants her mum just you nattering , not requiring her to input may help?

lollipop kid
09-05-2015, 09:44 AM
I couldn't agree more with Maza, you are very dedicated.

I always use the tact of being lovely to the children and role modalling niceness, politeness etc...so if children are rude I can use the tack of I never am to them. I talk about them hurting my feelings too.

Because you have the time in this early stage of building up clientel I would put a lot into my planning for her, make it really personal, plan the previous night with her so that on pick up she is enthusiastic about what she is going home to you to do.

There are two ways I think to approach the rudeness, tackle it - though that is difficult to do in the street outside school! But you could have a quiet dissapointing type talk when you get home.
Or ignore it, don't respond ( that's what she may be seeking) be ultra nice and enthusiastic and pleasant .praise her for the good things, good road safety, walking by you talk about the activities you plan to do when you get home., the flowers/ gardens you pass, houses up for sale etc.......your happiness may rub off on her, if she is tired or really wants her mum just you nattering , not requiring her to input may help?

Lovely suggestions.

Another one might be to have a peek at the school newsletter or the curriculum for the term (school office might have copies of these you could have?). Then you could talk about anything on the way back that might be connected to what she's covering in school? For instance, a while ago, some of my mindees had "Book Day" and they had to bring something into school that was related to their favourite book character.

I helped them find bits just from our walk. It was nice to talk about books they liked with me, and find things related to them. One ended up taking in a knobbly stick we had found near a Chestnut tree on the way home the previous night. (So funny - 3 x 6 year olds, all looking for the best stick for him, as they already had something in mind, and he was the only one stuck.) I then helped him choose where to draw the face on it so he could turn it into "Stickman". (The school were giving little prizes for the best examples. My boy didn't win, but we had a lovely discussion after the prizes about the ones that had won, and the merits of why they might have been chosen.)

:thumbsup:

L

Mouse
09-05-2015, 10:43 AM
I'm afraid I don't go pussyfooting around, I tell them to stop being rude and to behave!

I did try it with one child who was very rude and complained about everything and everyone. I tried to be understanding, tried distraction, tried praise - nothing worked. In the end I said "A, you are being very rude and I don't like it. Do not keep criticising everyone, do not keep telling me you don't like the food I am giving you (especially after she had chose it) and do not keep telling me I am wrong"

It was just what she needed to hear and the change in her was incredible. We still have the odd niggle, but on the whole she is such a pleasant child to have here.

Ripeberry
09-05-2015, 10:57 AM
My 6 yr old mindee snaps at me whenever I ask her a question. Will say things like "I said so didnt i". Has a go at me every single day I pick her up from school (standing in the wrong place, smiling at her teacher etc etc).

I can't work out where the issue is, whether it's her or me.

She questions every single thing I do or says. She never says please, never thank you. Never says goodbye when she leaves.

Ironically inbetween all this she sometimes seems perfectly happy so is this just normal 6 year old behaviour?

If she was my daughter id tell her for being rude to be honest but obviously can't as her CM!

Of course you can tell her off! I won't stand having a kid in my setting who didn't respect me or my home!

AliceK
09-05-2015, 11:51 AM
I am old school and i'm afraid of the thought that although yes I am here to care for you and look after you, this is my HOME and whilst you are in my home you will follow my rules and that includes being polite and respectful to everyone. I will very often tell a child if I think they are being rude in some way.

xxx

blue bear
09-05-2015, 02:09 PM
Definelty not normal six year old behaviour. Sounds like she either behaves like this at home or she's trying it on to see how far she can push you.
I'd sit down with her and other children and set up some house rules, please and thank you etc address what is considered rude and polite.

hectors house
10-05-2015, 05:51 PM
I agree with comments above - it's because you are this child's childminder that you need to be telling her to mind her manners and not take out her foul moods on you - don't let her treat you like "the hired help", you are an Ofsted Registered Childminder and that means she should show you the same respect as she hopefully does her teacher at school, she is just pushing the boundaries to see what she can get away with. Good luck with her next week. :thumbsup:

mumofone
10-05-2015, 06:37 PM
Thanks everyone :-) It's really helpful to hear your thoughts.
Her parents have acknowledged that she does "need managing" and that she does push boundaries so I guess I need to toughen up with her.

crumpet54
11-05-2015, 08:09 PM
is this your only lo at the moment?

**Orchard CM**
12-05-2015, 07:28 PM
Hi, I would deffo be a bit more stern with her and speak to her parents, what do they make of all this? does she speak to them like that? sorry if ive repeated what people have said x