Advice needed regarding toilet accidents

[Vikki5531]

Hi All,

I posted on here a couple of months ago regarding a 2 year old girl (3 in March) that I have been minding for 4 months, wetting herself throughout the day. Mum said she was fully toilet trained and we thought she may be having accidents due to the change of her routine and going to a childminders.
I got lots of great advice to not let Mum put her back in pull-ups as it would be a step backwards and to use reward charts.
Well the reward chart worked for a few days - each time she went to the toilet she would say, "do I get a smiley star on my chart now" - but then the novelty wore off and she went back to wetting herself.
I literally have to take her to the toilet every half an hour and hope I'm not too late - but I want her to be able to tell me she needs a wee. When she starts nursery in Sep, the teachers won't have time to be taking her every 30 mins, and if you ask her, she will say "no thank you".
She is a very intelligent little girl and sometimes her Mum will promise her princess shoes or other treats if she stays dry, and she will hold it in until I take her, and then say, "am I going to get my princess shoes now?"
This little girl loves dressing up at my setting and at home, so I've suggested to Mum that while she is wetting herself, not to let her put the costumes on as she is having accidents in them - and when she starts asking to go to the toilet, she can then wear them - Mum seems happy with this - I do feel mean, she is the cutest little girl, and when she's wet, she says "it was only an accident".
Has anyone got any other suggestions I can try? X

[LilMisConfused]

How about a princess themed chart where she gets stickers for ASKING to go to the toilet and then when she gets so many stickers she gets a little reward? Similar to what you've done before but emphasising the asking to go - sometimes just the same idea but with a new chart or new theme is enough to make it exciting again

[bunyip]

It's very often the case that a child is too interested in all your wonderful toys and activities to want to tear themselves away to go to the boring old toilet.

This one seems excessively focussed on the rewards, rather than what she's meant to be doing to earn them: like she isn't at all bothered about wetting herself.

I wouldn't rule out the benefits (possibly even a 'need') to refer this to a health visitor or doctor. I think we sometimes forget that quite a few children go into school, or even into their teens unable to be 100% dry, and sometimes an early medical intervention/advice can help. :thumbsup:

[Vikki5531]

How about a princess themed chart where she gets stickers for ASKING to go to the toilet and then when she gets so many stickers she gets a little reward? Similar to what you've done before but emphasising the asking to go - sometimes just the same idea but with a new chart or new theme is enough to make it exciting again

That's a good idea - I'll try that this week, thank you xx

[Vikki5531]

It's very often the case that a child is too interested in all your wonderful toys and activities to want to tear themselves away to go to the boring old toilet. This one seems excessively focussed on the rewards, rather than what she's meant to be doing to earn them: like she isn't at all bothered about wetting herself. I wouldn't rule out the benefits (possibly even a 'need') to refer this to a health visitor or doctor. I think we sometimes forget that quite a few children go into school, or even into their teens unable to be 100% dry, and sometimes an early medical intervention/advice can help. :thumbsup:

Well I thought that could be the case, but she can stay dry if she knows she will be rewarded and according to Mum, she was perfectly toilet trained before she came here in September. She is also dry throughout the night whilst she is sleeping.
I think it is like you say, she is too busy playing and can't be bothered to go to the toilet.

Thanks for your advice Bunyip xx

[moggy]

Have you tried making wetting herself a less 'easy' option?

So if she wets herself she has to stop her game, get her own clean clothes, fetch bucket/cloths, help clean up, put wet clothes in wash, wash hands etc etc- things that are dull and take time (time away from what she wants to play with).

If wetting is no longer the 'easy' option where she gets to carry on her playing then it may start to seem the less attractive option (assuming she is making a choice).

Hopefully it will pass soon, as these phases often do.

[blue bear]

What is happening at home, I've heard of cases like this where it's turned out mum pops a nappy on lo for this and that reason, hence lo wets themselves at the childminders.
Personally I'd be tempted to go back to basics and train. This lo from the start myself. Assuming she is full time?
So I'd put her back in nappies for a week to take all the pressure off then start all over again. See if it makes any difference you can't have her peeing all over the place, my rule is if they are not asking by day three of training then I stop and try again In A couple of weeks, it's a matter of catching them when they are mentally ready as well as physically able.

[Vikki5531]

Have you tried making wetting herself a less 'easy' option? So if she wets herself she has to stop her game, get her own clean clothes, fetch bucket/cloths, help clean up, put wet clothes in wash, wash hands etc etc- things that are dull and take time (time away from what she wants to play with). If wetting is no longer the 'easy' option where she gets to carry on her playing then it may start to seem the less attractive option (assuming she is making a choice). Hopefully it will pass soon, as these phases often do.

See I knew I would get advice coming on here!

At the minute when I take her to the toilet and her underwear is wet, I'm running around getting her clean clothes and changing her within minutes - maybe if I put the responsibility on her, she might realise it's more hassle.

Thanks Moggy - I'll try that tomorrow xx

[Vikki5531]

What is happening at home, I've heard of cases like this where it's turned out mum pops a nappy on lo for this and that reason, hence lo wets themselves at the childminders. Personally I'd be tempted to go back to basics and train. This lo from the start myself. Assuming she is full time? So I'd put her back in nappies for a week to take all the pressure off then start all over again. See if it makes any difference you can't have her peeing all over the place, my rule is if they are not asking by day three of training then I stop and try again In A couple of weeks, it's a matter of catching them when they are mentally ready as well as physically able.

Thanks blue bear, I have her for 4 hours every day.
I'll try a couple of the ideas given for a couple of weeks and see if I see any improvement - if not, I might have to try your suggestion - I'm willing to give anything a go if it helps her xx

[moggy]

See I knew I would get advice coming on here!

At the minute when I take her to the toilet and her underwear is wet, I'm running around getting her clean clothes and changing her within minutes - maybe if I put the responsibility on her, she might realise it's more hassle.

Thanks Moggy - I'll try that tomorrow xx

...yes, and giving her minimum attention too, just telling her what to do to get cleaned up in a flat-voice, very matter-of-fact and dull, in case it is also an attention-getting effort (not that I think you are not giving her attention! but to have you running around getting her clothes and sorting her out probably is giving her a lot of attention for an unwanted behaviour)