PDA

View Full Version : Giving notice



Jenniflower86
11-01-2015, 11:04 PM
Hi

I started childminding in Sept, I have a 5yr old son and 1 year old son myself. I look after a 1 yr old girl 4 days a week, and do school drop off and pick up for her 5 year old brother for those days.

Since having them in Sept, the little girl has been a delight. But the 5 yr boy is extremley challenging. I only have him for 2 hours a day but I feel stressed and anxious before he arrives to when he leaves.

I find his behaviour unacceptable and disrespectful ie. coming into the house with his shoes on, climbing on furniture/sofa with or without his shoes on, literally climbs the walls and door frames, throws his sister around when his Mum has specifically told him hes not allowed to do, pushes her, outs in her face, does not listen - full stop, interupts others when they are speaking, shouts, occasionally swears, very arguementative, always talks about fighting, blood and guns (i know boys will be boys but it is excessive) and last week, told my son "if you tell your mum the truth i'm going to drop kick you around the house", this was passed off by him as "just joking".

There is not a day when something hasnt happened. I tell his Mum everything so I am open with her. She does always put him to task about whats happened. She says he needs a firm hand and has actually given me permission to shout at him! This is not something I want to do to my children, let alone as a childminder. I have tried a number of different stratagies to try and improve behaviour but nothing works. By now, he knows my "rules" but continues to disregard anything and everything and I have to explain the boundries to him over and over but its still not improving. His Mum says he doesnt listen to her either.

Has anyone else had anything similar? What happened? Was it resolved or am I facing the inevitable... having to give notice. (Which ultimately I do not want to do).

Any suggestions, opinions or advice are welcomed.

Thank you.

leeloo1
12-01-2015, 09:28 PM
He sounds very challenging and I suspect he'd do better with older children who won't be as intimidated by him. But basically if he has no respect for his parents then it'll be hard to put in place boundaries elsewhere.

Could you suggest to his mum that he'd do better in after school club, where he has more space to wear off his energy? Just as a tactful way to get rid of him.

I think if he's having a big impact on you and your own children then you have to give notice one way or another - why should your son's home life be spoiled by him? Also you really don't want your son to start copying this behaviour!

leeloo1
12-01-2015, 09:29 PM
Oh only other thing I can suggest is asking if the school have any successful strategies for dealing with him? Good luck!

loocyloo
12-01-2015, 09:51 PM
good luck!

sounds to me like he rules the roost at home, and doesn't see why he shouldn't do the same at your house. how does he behave at school?

maybe he needs a 'good run' in the park on the way home? sometimes I find boys in particular have just so much energy that they have to 'contain' during the school day, that they burst like a cork coming out of a bottle at the end of the day?

is there anything he likes doing at your house?

it reads to me that he is out for attention anyway which way he can get it. is it possible that at home the younger sibling gets the attention and so he acts up to get any form of attention positive or negative? could you find him a 'big boy' job to do, and make a fuss about how old he is, and how grown up?

that said, if you are dreading him coming and you've tried all the strategies you can think of, then suggest to mum that he goes to an afterschool club with older children.

x

Simona
13-01-2015, 09:23 AM
Hi

I started childminding in Sept, I have a 5yr old son and 1 year old son myself. I look after a 1 yr old girl 4 days a week, and do school drop off and pick up for her 5 year old brother for those days.

Since having them in Sept, the little girl has been a delight. But the 5 yr boy is extremley challenging. I only have him for 2 hours a day but I feel stressed and anxious before he arrives to when he leaves.

I find his behaviour unacceptable and disrespectful ie. coming into the house with his shoes on, climbing on furniture/sofa with or without his shoes on, literally climbs the walls and door frames, throws his sister around when his Mum has specifically told him hes not allowed to do, pushes her, outs in her face, does not listen - full stop, interupts others when they are speaking, shouts, occasionally swears, very arguementative, always talks about fighting, blood and guns (i know boys will be boys but it is excessive) and last week, told my son "if you tell your mum the truth i'm going to drop kick you around the house", this was passed off by him as "just joking".

There is not a day when something hasnt happened. I tell his Mum everything so I am open with her. She does always put him to task about whats happened. She says he needs a firm hand and has actually given me permission to shout at him! This is not something I want to do to my children, let alone as a childminder. I have tried a number of different stratagies to try and improve behaviour but nothing works. By now, he knows my "rules" but continues to disregard anything and everything and I have to explain the boundries to him over and over but its still not improving. His Mum says he doesnt listen to her either.

Has anyone else had anything similar? What happened? Was it resolved or am I facing the inevitable... having to give notice. (Which ultimately I do not want to do).

Any suggestions, opinions or advice are welcomed.

Thank you.

Challenging behaviour has its reasons and can be very disruptive until you know the cause of it

There are a few things you could explore: talk to him about his behaviour ...if he cannot self regulate something is going on?
ask him why he behaves in such manner
would shouting help?
is he bored ?
what are his interests?

Hope you get to the bottom of it...keep us posted

This may help and there is plenty more if you google challenging behaviour

Understanding Challenging Behaviour: Part 1: Summary. Information Sheets. The Challenging Behaviour Foundation, UK (http://www.challengingbehaviour.org.uk/cbf-resources/information-sheets/understandingcb.html)

KatieFS
13-01-2015, 01:50 PM
Agree, boys particularly need to run off some energy and tension. It's a bit different but have an 8 yo who is a challenge. He is the oldest and winds the others up then I have a house Fill of children being silly running jumping shouting everything you've said! After school schoolers are so excited! It's hard to get them to settle.

Spoke to mum and he is the same at home when he is bored and can be silly when he has an audience. I tried the 'he would be more suited to after school' while I don't mind having older children, I don't really have the resources here for them so prefer older ones at after school club. Mum didn't take me up on the after school club, as I have younger sibling I think it's easier for her to pick them up from one setting. I think it's better for them when I have younger ones as often the younger ones are at a disadvantage and this isn't fair.

He is now on his final warning, he brings his hudl to keep him occupied. I try to set some activities for the older ones, give him more responsibility but one more challenging session I'm afraid I'll be giving notice. I've had too many difficult afternoons, the other children get upset as I then have to speak to all of them and their parents. This includes my own daughter who often ends up going up to her room to get away from him.

Stick to your behaviour management policy. Don't be worried about being honest and saying how it is.

Jenniflower86
13-01-2015, 08:07 PM
Thank you all so much for your experience, advice and opinions.

He's very much the same at school, Mum has been called in a few times. He and my son got in trouble at school, (making and throwing around "soap bombs" in the toilets, which is completely out of character. I came down hard on him for it and he's managing not to copy behaviour since then. Thank god.

I do agree he would be better off at before and after school club, but I look after his 1 year old sister and Mum might not want to move him. I did mention it a couple of months into having him but disregarded it straight away. But I can imagine she's fed up of me "telling on him" when she picks him up, so maybe she will take it seriously this time.

I've not had any childcare experience before, and never come across this before, having got lots of children within my family and friends.

His Dad works away, few weeks on, then off again so he is the only male on the house half the time. Everything I experience with him, Mum agrees happens with her at home.

A few times I have shouted to get him to listen but feel like the worst person in the world, its just not me and not what I want to be like as a childminder. Think I just need to be honest with his Mum about how I'm feeling and try and make 1 last go of it, both having the same rules, which I'm sure we do but dont want to give notice without a good go at it. Just need to pluck up the courage to have this chat, I know I wouldnt like someone to talk about my son in that way :(

Wish me luck x

Ripeberry
14-01-2015, 07:18 AM
Problem with shouting at kids is that it shows them that you have lost control :( Maybe the mum should learn not to shout and take privileges away instead. She's the adult in the house and the child needs to feel that she is in control when dad is away.

mama2three
14-01-2015, 08:38 AM
he needs to learn that his actions have consequences , all the time . Children can and do adapt to two different sets of acceptable boundaries so whether or not you get mum on side it is possible. it will be much easier if youre singing from the same hymnsheet but changing mums behaviour is an almighty task!

You say he knows what is acceptable behaviour. Does he know what will happen if he behaves in the way , maybe some kind of golden time at the end of the session , a comic at the end of the week , what works for him? Or does he know what will happen if his behaviour isn't acceptable. Are there any consequences? You don't want to shout but what do you do instead? A meeting with school might be a good idea , what behaviour management strategies are they using. can you follow their lead or adapt them to use at your house?

Jenniflower86
21-01-2015, 08:58 PM
Apologises I have only just logged on again.

Both his Mum and myself seem to sign from the same hymn sheet but I am not so sure anymore.

Today, I trusted him to go upstairs with my son and play in his room, all was fine and he had been really good. I went to go and get him when his Mum had arrived, I turned the corner of the stairs and heard "this is a ...... punch" (not quite sure what type he said) and found he had punched my son in the stomach!! We all went downstairs and told his Mum and she just said "you dont use physical violence" and then made him apologise to me.

When they left, my son said they were playing nicely but then said, "before I go I want to have a fight." My son said he didnt want to be rude so agreed and thats when he punched him.

I should have made more about it at the time but now I've had a few hours to think, I am so angry, my son doesnt deserve this and I will be giving notice. Theres just too much thats happened and this is the final straw.

xx