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View Full Version : Ideas on behaviour management for child who says NO a lot!



bigfuntime
19-11-2014, 08:54 PM
I'm looking after a 3 year old child (just turned 3) one day a week and I've only looked after her for two days so far.

I was wondering if anyone can offer some techniques/ ideas on ways to deal with the behaviour she is displaying towards the boundaries I have in place. Although aged 3, she has a limited vocabulary, she does understand more than she can express verbally but still this is limited compared to that which I am used to with my own child of the same age. I realise not all children develop at the same rate (my eldest was also slower with speech).

The little one does not follow the boundaries and rules I have in place. I have been explaining things to the child as and when necessary and then reinforcing it each time the same thing happens (e.g. climbing on the sofa or getting up and down from the table during meal times) as I realise it will take time for her to learn, but what I am finding difficult is that she quite often will just shout or scream NO to me when I ask her to do something or not do something. For example, she shakes the stair gates almost to the point that they are coming away from their pressure points. When I ask her to stop she just shouts NO. I do explain the reason behind not being allowed to do it, but still I get the same reaction.

There has been climbing on the furniture, spitting and throwing food, breaking things (yes all in two days!). I don't expect the child to be an angel or to just slot in, but obviously the way I am dealing with it is not working so far, so any ideas? I do have a behaviour management policy but like most things when you first start out you are writing these based on what you think is right not what you have experienced. The parents have previously said that they use time out at home, but they call it the naughty step. I think I will discuss with Mum when i next see her and just double check that they'd not mind me using time out. Does anyone else use time out??? I am the first childminder the child has been with but she is also in a nursery and a pre school.

Thanks.

alex__17
19-11-2014, 10:00 PM
Haven't got much experience but I would definitely speak to parents and find out exactly what they do then follow it exactly so you both are acting in the same way towards behaviour, then the child won't get mixed messages, they'll learn to understand same consequences at home and at yours
Maybe also speak to preschool and nursery and find out if they're the same there? Might be a settling in thing, they might have had it when she started but fine now, worth asking their key worker.
Good luck, all the kids I have have started younger so I've been lucky they've almost learnt the boundaries as they've grown here.

AliceK
19-11-2014, 11:42 PM
In my experience children are usually on their best behaviour when they first start so this LO would ring alarm bells with me. I do use time out for repeated unacceptable behaviour so if the parents are using it at home it might be worth a try.
I would def want to speak to nursery / preschool about her behaviour though. Do you have a form giving you permission to share information.
Good luck, I think you might need it.

xxxxx

VeggieSausage
20-11-2014, 08:08 AM
Why has she been moved childcare? Why not nursery/ pre-school at age 3? What are they doing at home to deal with the behaviour?

I would speak to parents as I would be concerned, I know children are not the same but I recently had a just 3 year old start and she was the opposite of this.....in the back of my mind I am wondering if something is amiss......

NinkyNonk
20-11-2014, 09:03 AM
I'm looking after a 3 year old child (just turned 3) one day a week and I've only looked after her for two days so far.

I was wondering if anyone can offer some techniques/ ideas on ways to deal with the behaviour she is displaying towards the boundaries I have in place. Although aged 3, she has a limited vocabulary, she does understand more than she can express verbally but still this is limited compared to that which I am used to with my own child of the same age. I realise not all children develop at the same rate (my eldest was also slower with speech).

The little one does not follow the boundaries and rules I have in place. I have been explaining things to the child as and when necessary and then reinforcing it each time the same thing happens (e.g. climbing on the sofa or getting up and down from the table during meal times) as I realise it will take time for her to learn, but what I am finding difficult is that she quite often will just shout or scream NO to me when I ask her to do something or not do something. For example, she shakes the stair gates almost to the point that they are coming away from their pressure points. When I ask her to stop she just shouts NO. I do explain the reason behind not being allowed to do it, but still I get the same reaction.

There has been climbing on the furniture, spitting and throwing food, breaking things (yes all in two days!). I don't expect the child to be an angel or to just slot in, but obviously the way I am dealing with it is not working so far, so any ideas? I do have a behaviour management policy but like most things when you first start out you are writing these based on what you think is right not what you have experienced. The parents have previously said that they use time out at home, but they call it the naughty step. I think I will discuss with Mum when i next see her and just double check that they'd not mind me using time out. Does anyone else use time out??? I am the first childminder the child has been with but she is also in a nursery and a pre school.

Thanks.

I had exactly the same with a 3 year old who started in September....without the breaking things/throwing food though, but he constantly said no to everything and always said opposite to me - if I said we're nearly there now, he'd say no we're far away, and would just keep repeating it. It was really annoying, he did it constantly with everything I said, even if I was talking to another child. Anyway, I'm assuming now it must have been him settling in and testing the boundaries as he's settled down now and doesn't do it anymore.

Until half term (I have him term time only, and only for 6 hours a week because he goes to playgroup, so not long at all), but the first day he came back after half term he started again! Next day he was fine.

Simona
20-11-2014, 09:22 AM
I'm looking after a 3 year old child (just turned 3) one day a week and I've only looked after her for two days so far.

I was wondering if anyone can offer some techniques/ ideas on ways to deal with the behaviour she is displaying towards the boundaries I have in place. Although aged 3, she has a limited vocabulary, she does understand more than she can express verbally but still this is limited compared to that which I am used to with my own child of the same age. I realise not all children develop at the same rate (my eldest was also slower with speech).

The little one does not follow the boundaries and rules I have in place. I have been explaining things to the child as and when necessary and then reinforcing it each time the same thing happens (e.g. climbing on the sofa or getting up and down from the table during meal times) as I realise it will take time for her to learn, but what I am finding difficult is that she quite often will just shout or scream NO to me when I ask her to do something or not do something. For example, she shakes the stair gates almost to the point that they are coming away from their pressure points. When I ask her to stop she just shouts NO. I do explain the reason behind not being allowed to do it, but still I get the same reaction.

There has been climbing on the furniture, spitting and throwing food, breaking things (yes all in two days!). I don't expect the child to be an angel or to just slot in, but obviously the way I am dealing with it is not working so far, so any ideas? I do have a behaviour management policy but like most things when you first start out you are writing these based on what you think is right not what you have experienced. The parents have previously said that they use time out at home, but they call it the naughty step. I think I will discuss with Mum when i next see her and just double check that they'd not mind me using time out. Does anyone else use time out??? I am the first childminder the child has been with but she is also in a nursery and a pre school.

Thanks.

I think your last sentence is the explanation for this child's behaviour...poor little thing
She is in 3 different settings with possibly 3 very different ways of guiding her behaviour...then at home her behaviour may be guided in a totally different way
Result is that this child is confused but the many mixed messages she is getting...time out would only reinforce that she is being punished

You can use Time out but not to isolate her....Sit her down and ask her what the matter is...give her a cuddle
Talk to the parents and find a strategy that can be used by the many settings she attends...do any others report any issues with behaviour?
this is when sharing info is really important

Good luck

NinkyNonk
20-11-2014, 10:48 AM
[QUOTE=Simona;1384294]I think your last sentence is the explanation for this child's behaviour...poor little thing

Actually..that is the same situation as my mindee....he comes to me, an relative and also playgroup. He does all 3 in one day too!

Anacrusis
20-11-2014, 01:40 PM
have you tried to remove and distract, assuming she's small enough to pick up? Not time out but moving her from the stair gate the moment she goes to pull at it and trying to engage her in something else.

From what you've said, I wouldn't carry on asking her to stop, I would prevent her from carrying on, by moving her away. I might let some things go at this point, eg let her get up and down from the table, as long as hands are wiped before getting down. Long term I don't want children getting up and down during meal times but it might be easier to re-direct her behaviour once she has a good attachment to you.

If I had a child doing these kind of things I would take them out. Alot. Keep them busy with lots of interesting things to look at and opportunities to burn off energy and build a relationship up. Walks in parks, woods, fun in playgrounds etc. with buggy on hand to use as back up. eg. if she's doing something dangerous pop her in the buggy. I would ignore the shouting beyond saying (in a quiet voice) that's really loud! Or I might try shouting with her (not at her!!), getting quieter/shouting in different voices/ways. I would play in by ear and see if she found it fun to join in - and stop if she didn't.

I hope some of that helps, let us know how you get on x

redtiger21
29-11-2014, 07:46 AM
have you tried to remove and distract, assuming she's small enough to pick up? Not time out but moving her from the stair gate the moment she goes to pull at it and trying to engage her in something else.

From what you've said, I wouldn't carry on asking her to stop, I would prevent her from carrying on, by moving her away. I might let some things go at this point, eg let her get up and down from the table, as long as hands are wiped before getting down. Long term I don't want children getting up and down during meal times but it might be easier to re-direct her behaviour once she has a good attachment to you.

If I had a child doing these kind of things I would take them out. Alot. Keep them busy with lots of interesting things to look at and opportunities to burn off energy and build a relationship up. Walks in parks, woods, fun in playgrounds etc. with buggy on hand to use as back up. eg. if she's doing something dangerous pop her in the buggy. I would ignore the shouting beyond saying (in a quiet voice) that's really loud! Or I might try shouting with her (not at her!!), getting quieter/shouting in different voices/ways. I would play in by ear and see if she found it fun to join in - and stop if she didn't.

I hope some of that helps, let us know how you get on x

Totally agree with above x

yummyripples
29-11-2014, 08:32 AM
I think your last sentence is the explanation for this child's behaviour...poor little thing
She is in 3 different settings with possibly 3 very different ways of guiding her behaviour...then at home her behaviour may be guided in a totally different way
Result is that this child is confused
Good luck

This is so true. Little thing won't know where she is from one day to the other. I'm presuming that she will be leaving you in September too which means more change in her little life.
The management ideas that you have received have been great ideas but I would be having a chat to see if all 3 childcare provisions are actually needed could it be brought down to preschool and childminder?