Advice please on challenging behaviour

[toddlers896]

Child has been coming to me since she was 8 months old. She is now 3.5. I have never had an issue with her behaviour but recently she started pushing and taking toys away from the younger children. I posted on here to try and get some advice and after doing some research on the Internet I came up with some strategies to try and help her.
Anyway her behaviour is getting worse and i need some guidance on how to deal with this.
The pushing is getting worse and she always does it to the younger children. She pushed a child so hard from behind on Friday that he was very lucky not to smash his face on the floor. She was twisting another child's hair round her hands and when the child screamed for her to stop she laughed and kept doing it She picks toys up in my home and throws them across the room telling the younger ones to do it too, she will make very loud silly noises like la la la la la so that the younger ones will copy her and she thinks it's funny. On Friday when I was observing her with another two people she was Deliberately doing anything to torment the younger ones to make them cry and then when she succeeded she ran and hid behind something and was peeking round to see if I was coming to tell her off. My cm friends both couldn't believe what they were witnessing and in the end I was so cross with her. I couldn't wait for her to go home and was not impressed at all.
When it's just me and her you couldn't get a better child but when their is others with me she is just horrible.
Somebody please tell me how I deal with this. If she carries on I know I will end up telling her mum not to bring her back and I don't want to do this as she was my first minded child and she has always been no problem.
This might seem normal to some people but Ime finding it a nightmare and really couldn't do this job everyday if it was normal.

[chris goodyear]

Hi that sounds absolutely horrendous for you! Have you spoken to mum about it? Maybe something has changed at home and as she is fine when it is just you and her this to me looks like attention seeking behaviour. Has she been told that she will be starting school next year? Sometimes without the child realising it they get worried about going to school and they are being told they are big now and at 3/4 they are still very young! They don't know how to deal with these emotions so it comes out in bad behaviour. I've had children suddenly starting to wet themselves/ get angry/ tearful/clingy/acting very babylike and I put it down to the above. I have found removal from the situation is best (child not you!!) Some can deal better if left alone to calm down with it and some really don't like to be excluded so behave very quickly. I think it is probably a phase she is going through but you have to think of the others in your care and their safety so whatever you do to make her stop don't feel guilty. I have a 15 month old at the moment who thinks it is funny to hit others with a hard toy/brick! He doesn't seem yet to understand that it hurts so after a couple of times of taking him away I then put him in the highchair and ignore him for a little while. He does seem to understand this and maybe soon will equate his behaviour with his 'punishment'. After only 2 weeks he is already much better so I would advise to remove this girl from the situation and as she is older you can explain why you are doing it. Hope it soon improves for you.

[k1rstie]

It does sound terrible. Is mum much help?

[toddlers896]

It does sound terrible. Is mum much help?

From what I see on collection and drop off I would say their is no dicipline and she is the boss.
Example from today - I have her all ready for pickup and she tried to take her coat off, I asked her to keep it on as it's very cold outside now, she left it on and as soon as I opened the door to hand over to mum she took it off. Mum said put your coat on and she threw it on the floor. Mum picked it up and off they went. I know this is nothing to do with the way she is behaving at the moment but this is an example of how her mum lets her do what she wants and I don't feel like she is doing much to support me.
My husband keeps telling me that parents don't care and this is what children do, he says they are paying me to do a job and I need to like it or lump it and nothing I do or say will change it.
ime starting to think he is right but what can we do. I dont see a solution except for carry on and hope it gets better. This job is so frustrating at times and I really wish I did something else but it's even more frustrating having the feeling of being a failure and not being able to cope with these situations :panic:

[chris goodyear]

I know how you feel, it's so frustrating when there is none or not much discipline from the parents as it does make our job harder. It gives kids the wrong message when we can't work with the parents as we would like because it makes it hard for them too but I just make sure they stick to my rules when they are here and what they do at home is not for me to judge.