View Full Version : seperation anxiety

19-10-2014, 06:28 AM
Hi everyone I need some help kind of at my wits end I look after three children everyday 2 11month olds (variation on bases of continuity of care they are not related) one of the babies has awful separation anxiety he cries everyday through eating and will not go down he feels safe with me and just won't go down I can't even leave the house he's worse at groups its getting very difficult we've tried toys from home blankets teddies milk what else can I try I have him full time...also what angle do I take on trying to plan for this little one and write up about his anxiety and behaviour? Thanks in advance!

19-10-2014, 07:17 AM
Separation anxiety has to be the worst feeling for everyone involved :(

How long have you had him for?
Is he still getting used to a) you, b) being left?
Is he BF at home/using mum as a dummy?
Has he ever been left with other family members?
Is there a time at all when he stops crying?
Is he carried around all the time at home?
What's he like at home if parents leave the room?

Mine would occasionally stop if in the buggy so we went on lots of walks, (but gawd help me if someone peeped in buggy to say hello or smile, as that would start the screaming again), but when that wasn't possible, would go in the buggy and into garden and watch the trees for a little while - just long enough to give my eardrums and nerves a rest :D

I did have parents on board, in that, I encouraged them to go out of the room for short periods when LO wasn't with me - go make a brew/pop to the toilet etc, so that LO got used to the 'to-ing and fro-ing' parent leaves/parent comes back again.
When LO realised that parent wasn't next to them, and was about to start screaming again, to then talk to LO as they made their way back into the room - oh dear, is someone missing me, here I am, I see you etc, but not to pick LO up as soon as they were back in the room, to continue talking but carry on doing something else - tidy up, play with toys etc

Mine took 6 weeks to finally settle, (longest 6 weeks of my life lol) and I came so close to giving notice multiple times, but I'm so glad I didn't as LO is now the absolute opposite - would go to anyone lol, has the loveliest smile and cheeky grin for me when I open the door, and happily waves bye bye to parents.

Being consistent definitely helped, but it was consistent at home as well as here.
I kept to my daily routine as much as possible, and yes, occasionally, I just had to let LO cry because there was nothing I could do to soothe them in the early days - obviously they were kept safe - in buggy or travel cot

Good luck :thumbsup:

19-10-2014, 07:33 AM
Hi poor you I do feel for you I had a little one just like this at the beginning of the year and he was my first ever mindee as well he was with me four months before I decided just could not take it anymore and gave the parents notice.

He felt safe just would not let me leave his side even for a second or he would have a major temper tantrum ( there was never any tears) I could not go near by own children or que temper tantrum he was even worse if we went to groups so I stopped going. He could not sleep unless held, He did not eat was still on five full bottles a day at age 1 year, never played but could walk. He spent his days ever screaming at me or standing by my back door looking at the garden but did not want to go outside. To be honest he was a complete nightmare all came to head one week when he would not stop having temper tantrums, hitting and biting me and as he was really affect my family life and my own health I gave notice that week.

In his Plans I was honest but tried to positive and made a plan for each area he need help with e.g X is finding it hard to adapt to his new routine of coming to me following being at home with mum I then wrote on how I had tried to help. X is unable to self sooth to sleep , speak to mum and dad about techniques to get him to learn how to self sooth etc

I also had a meeting with mum to see if we could work on things together for example helping to self sooth , how we could encourage him to eat more food and not have so many bottles a day this was all put in his learning story. but they were not interested in working with me and actually said we have to put up with his behavior so you can !!

If you are finding him hard work only you can make the decision if you could or want to put up it . Good luck

19-10-2014, 07:52 AM
I think perseverance is key. I had a little one like this and it just took time tbh I did used to carry her round a lot to make her feel secure. She was only 1 day a week at this point so think that made it worse. After 5 weeks everything just clicked into place. It was definitely worth the hard work. She now comes 3 days a week and is an absolute delight. I now also have a 2 yr old going through the same thing (he's also 1 day a week) I'm working very closely with parents, I think it's so important to have parents on board, if not it's extremely difficult to make progress. I'm sure I ll see some improvement with mine, getting out of the house seems to help a lot. But I know it's hard, full time must be really draining! Only you can monitor the situation over time and make the right decisions for you and the child. Good luck x sending hugs your way x