sharing toys

[Rickers83]

I have an lo who is nearly 2 1/2, he is terrible at sharing.
He brings a comfort teddy & screams hysterically if anyone touches it, I always ask him to calm down & reassure him noone is going to take it. But today he bought a little car with him, he went crazy when then others tried to play with it!

I took him aside & explained they only wanted to have a go & he would get it back, the same as he plays with the toys & my house & gives them back.

My DD finds this very hard as most of the toys he plays with are hers & she cant understand why he wont let her see the car.
I ended up taking it away & putting it in his bag

I've mentioned to mum who just laughed & said he's a bit possessive!!!

[JCrakers]

I have a rule that if anyone brings toys to my house they must be toys to share :D 2.5yrs, as we all know is a very difficult age. I have a 2yr old mindee though who is very good at understanding that we must share it if weve bought it with us.

Otherwise i would put it in his bag as i have plenty of toys :thumbsup:

The only exception i have is a comfort teddy which we keep to ourselves but will go away at some point

[mama2three]

I agree , when mine arrive with anything at all they are asked whether they have brought it to share with the other children or if it needs to go home with mummy. The firt sign of any possessiveness and it goes away in their bag and mum is asked not to bring it again.

[Mouse]

I take a different view.

What if you worked in an office and took your favourite pen in to use for the day? You'd expect to be allowed to keep it, wouldn't you? You wouldn't expect to walk in and have someone else say they want to use it and for you to hand it over unquestioningly? If we teach children that they must share their own belongings without exception, how do we then teach them that they do have a right to keep things to themselves?

I do think children have to learn to share, but that doesn't mean they have to share everything. I think they need to learn to say no, it's mine. It teaches them self-respect and to stand up for themselves.

I also think other children need to learn that they can't have whatever they want all the time and that they have to respect what other people want to do with their own belongings.

All the children here bring toys from home. There's rarely a day when they don't turn up with at least one thing. We start the day by sitting and looking at what they've brought. I ask each child if they would like to share their toy. If they say yes, we all thank that child for sharing. If they say no, I tell the other children that X would like to keep the toy to themselves, so they can't play with it. Very often children will bring a toy that they specifically want to share, but I never make them share something if they don't want to.

The only time I take toys away is if a child is unkind about it. I have a 3yr old mindee who will wave her toy in front of another child's face saying "this is mine, this is mine. You're not allowed to play with it..ha ha!" Her toy will often end up in her bag!

[Rickers83]

I understand where you're coming from, but on the other hand if my DD took that stance then lo would have very little to play with! Lol

I think I was stricter with him because he does it with other toys he is playing with that aren't his.
I feel he hasn't been taught to share or take turns & he throws a major paddy when he's asked to 😨

[Blueeyedminder]

I take a different view. What if you worked in an office and took your favourite pen in to use for the day? You'd expect to be allowed to keep it, wouldn't you? You wouldn't expect to walk in and have someone else say they want to use it and for you to hand it over unquestioningly? If we teach children that they must share their own belongings without exception, how do we then teach them that they do have a right to keep things to themselves? I do think children have to learn to share, but that doesn't mean they have to share everything. I think they need to learn to say no, it's mine. It teaches them self-respect and to stand up for themselves. I also think other children need to learn that they can't have whatever they want all the time and that they have to respect what other people want to do with their own belongings. All the children here bring toys from home. There's rarely a day when they don't turn up with at least one thing. We start the day by sitting and looking at what they've brought. I ask each child if they would like to share their toy. If they say yes, we all thank that child for sharing. If they say no, I tell the other children that X would like to keep the toy to themselves, so they can't play with it. Very often children will bring a toy that they specifically want to share, but I never make them share something if they don't want to. The only time I take toys away is if a child is unkind about it. I have a 3yr old mindee who will wave her toy in front of another child's face saying "this is mine, this is mine. You're not allowed to play with it..ha ha!" Her toy will often end up in her bag!

I can see where you're coming from but disagree regarding toys. There are plenty of things that children learn that we can't share e.g. Drinks, dummies, etc.

[Mouse]

I understand where you're coming from, but on the other hand if my DD took that stance then lo would have very little to play with! Lol


That is why I have always said the toys are mine, not my children's. Their toys were always separate. They could bring them down to play with if they wanted to, but any general toys in the playroom were referred to as mine. And because of my stance on not sharing if they didn't want to, it meant my children didn't have to hand over their toys if they didn't want to :thumbsup:

[Mouse]

I can see where you're coming from but disagree regarding toys. There are plenty of things that children learn that we can't share e.g. Drinks, dummies, etc.

Have you ever sat at a toddler group with your own or your minded children and watched other children walk over and take the toys away from them? Your children, who have been taught to share, let the other child take the toy away because that's what they've been told they have to do. Why should they have to give up a toy that they are happily playing with? My approach teaches them that they have the right to say no, I'm playing with this.

I know my way of doing things seems very strange to some people, but I have to say, the children are all very respectful of each other and rarely have any sharing issues.

[shortstuff]

Have you ever sat at a toddler group with your own or your minded children and watched other children walk over and take the toys away from them? Your children, who have been taught to share, let the other child take the toy away because that's what they've been told they have to do. Why should they have to give up a toy that they are happily playing with? My approach teaches them that they have the right to say no, I'm playing with this.

I know my way of doing things seems very strange to some people, but I have to say, the children are all very respectful of each other and rarely have any sharing issues.

I fully see how your method is very inclusive. I might need to adapt mine. Thanks Mouse

[JCrakers]

My toys are my toys and I share them with all. There are enough toys here and no one needs to bring toys from home, if they do choose to bring a fantastic flashing fire engine with noises and lights then it needs to be shared as it causes arguments. If I was to say to the child 'its yours and you don't have to share it' then another child would think....right...im bringing in my helicopter and no ones having a go.

Things like a favourite teddy or a blanket/dummy, a special item that the child has bought to show me like a breakable doll or a picture frame isn't shared as they belong to the child and are personal. If the toy was so personal it should stay at home.

As for the sharing, we only share here once a child has finished with it. So if Billy is playing with his fire engine he can share it when he has finished, so we don't have the problem with things being taken off others. I say ' Billy says you can have a turn when he has finished with it' Then I say to Billy ' Do you think it would be a good idea to share it in 5minutes?'

[Mouse]

My toys are my toys and I share them with all. There are enough toys here and no one needs to bring toys from home, if they do choose to bring a fantastic flashing fire engine with noises and lights then it needs to be shared as it causes arguments. If I was to say to the child 'its yours and you don't have to share it' then another child would think....right...im bringing in my helicopter and no ones having a go.

Things like a favourite teddy or a blanket/dummy, a special item that the child has bought to show me like a breakable doll or a picture frame isn't shared as they belong to the child and are personal. If the toy was so personal it should stay at home.

As for the sharing, we only share here once a child has finished with it. So if Billy is playing with his fire engine he can share it when he has finished, so we don't have the problem with things being taken off others. I say ' Billy says you can have a turn when he has finished with it' Then I say to Billy ' Do you think it would be a good idea to share it in 5minutes?'

But what if Billy was still playing with it in 5 minutes? What if it was part of a game that he is fully engrossed in all morning? Would you make him give up the fire engine?

And I assume you don't let children bring toys from home? How do you know one child bringing a flashy fire engine and not having to share it would make another child bring in an all singing, all dancing helicopter that they'd refuse to share?

I don't expect many people to agree with my way of doing things and I have no problem with that. But, I am speaking from experience of how my way works, not just assuming the worst of the children and guessing it would lead to arguments :thumbsup:

[JCrakers]

But what if Billy was still playing with it in 5 minutes? What if it was part of a game that he is fully engrossed in all morning? Would you make him give up the fire engine?

And I assume you don't let children bring toys from home? How do you know one child bringing a flashy fire engine and not having to share it would make another child bring in an all singing, all dancing helicopter that they'd refuse to share?

I don't expect many people to agree with my way of doing things and I have no problem with that. But, I am speaking from experience of how my way works, not just assuming the worst of the children and guessing it would lead to arguments :thumbsup:

:D Yes I do let children bring toys but they share them. Every one has their way and I respect yours :thumbsup: There's no right or wrong way
If it works for you then that's all that matters :)

[clareelizabeth1]

I have my own toys which I share with who ever happens to be in my house. My ds has his own toys that he doesn't have to share. His Percy train is his special toy and he can not cope if other people touch it. I also allow others to bring toys and they don't have to share as long as they arnt mean or misbehave with them.

I always hated the policy of the nursery I worked in that whenever a child wanted something they would then go bla bla is not sharing with me and my boss would expect us to make the child share aka give the other child what ever they wanted. I always found it was the quiet kids that just continually got their toys taken from them.

[gwm]

The toys in my setting are 'mine' to be played with by all of the children. If my children are happy with the minded children playing with 'their' toys then they can be left downstairs. If they don't, the toy are to be left upstairs. Minded children bring toys with the same rules, unless the toy is a comforter.

We do not 'share' in our house....we 'take turns'. If a child is playing with a toy they can do so until their game is finished. If another child wants it...they have to wait their turn. The children are very happy with this system and I often hear one of them calling out 'when you're finished with that, can it be my turn please?'
I don't agree with the use of timers either. Imagine if you were reading a book and somebody set a timer for you to hand it to somebody else in 10 minutes?

We were asked at a child behaviour course many years ago, how we would react if we were told we HAD to 'share' our new bottle of perfume or a new dress. I think we should give children the same respect when it comes to 'sharing' their possessions.

[hectors house]

The toys in my setting are 'mine' to be played with by all of the children. If my children are happy with the minded children playing with 'their' toys then they can be left downstairs. If they don't, the toy are to be left upstairs. Minded children bring toys with the same rules, unless the toy is a comforter.

We do not 'share' in our house....we 'take turns'. If a child is playing with a toy they can do so until their game is finished. If another child wants it...they have to wait their turn. The children are very happy with this system and I often hear one of them calling out 'when you're finished with that, can it be my turn please?'
I don't agree with the use of timers either. Imagine if you were reading a book and somebody set a timer for you to hand it to somebody else in 10 minutes?

We were asked at a child behaviour course many years ago, how we would react if we were told we HAD to 'share' our new bottle of perfume or a new dress. I think we should give children the same respect when it comes to 'sharing' their possessions.

I said this to someone at toddlers this week - the children don't see us sharing our favourite things - how often do you share your car with a neighbour or let them borrow your best dress.

[tess1981]

The toys in my setting are 'mine' to be played with by all of the children. If my children are happy with the minded children playing with 'their' toys then they can be left downstairs. If they don't, the toy are to be left upstairs. Minded children bring toys with the same rules, unless the toy is a comforter.

We do not 'share' in our house....we 'take turns'. If a child is playing with a toy they can do so until their game is finished. If another child wants it...they have to wait their turn. The children are very happy with this system and I often hear one of them calling out 'when you're finished with that, can it be my turn please?'
I don't agree with the use of timers either. Imagine if you were reading a book and somebody set a timer for you to hand it to somebody else in 10 minutes?

We were asked at a child behaviour course many years ago, how we would react if we were told we HAD to 'share' our new bottle of perfume or a new dress. I think we should give children the same respect when it comes to 'sharing' their possessions.

This has to be the most sensible thing to come from this thread... must adopt it :)