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julie1306
05-09-2014, 01:57 PM
I have a son aged 10 and I look after another boy that is in my sons class, they don't get on at all and it is now causing quite a lot of conflict. I have spoken to them both some time ago and they agreed to try and get along and they did for a while but as we all know you can't force yourself to like someone. The boy is clearly unhappy here I try to engage him in all different kinds of activities but he has no interest. He does like to wind up my son a lot and he then retaliates and then I have to remove my son from the situation which I feel is sometimes unfair as It does take two. The boys mum is aware of the situation as I have spoke to her on a number of occasions. Has anyone else come across this situation? If so how did you handle it. To be honest it would be best if he went to someone else but I don't know if that is a suggestion that I would be happy to make to mum.

Can anyone help me?

Thanks

loocyloo
05-09-2014, 07:54 PM
If my ds wasn't happy then I would be giving notice.
I would also give notice if a minded child was older and not happy. Some older children need an afterschool club or something where they are not surrounded by LOs. ( That said, my ds did ask if I had to have LOs in the morning before he went to school and I said yes! I won't be giving notice! )
Some people just don't get on no matter how hard we try and it's not fair on our own families to put other children before them in their own home, hard as it might be to let child go.

I would say to mum that I felt that at 10 yrs X had outgrown my setting and what I could offer. Maybe she could look at local afterschool club or maybe another minder who has lots of schoolies?

Good luck. It's a hard thing to do.

Simona
05-09-2014, 08:26 PM
I agree with Loocyloo that giving notice may be your only option but you may need to give 4 week' notice so you also need to find a solution for that time

Have you thought of asking each child...either separately or together...to explain what the issue maybe and see if they can resolve their conflict?
I used to have lots of older children ...they all got on apart from the odd occasion when they would argue
The only way I found it worked on those occasions...was for them to discuss it and agree a compromise then peace descended again

Good luck.

poppy321
05-09-2014, 09:01 PM
I have a son aged 10 and I look after another boy that is in my sons class, they don't get on at all and it is now causing quite a lot of conflict. I have spoken to them both some time ago and they agreed to try and get along and they did for a while but as we all know you can't force yourself to like someone. The boy is clearly unhappy here I try to engage him in all different kinds of activities but he has no interest. He does like to wind up my son a lot and he then retaliates and then I have to remove my son from the situation which I feel is sometimes unfair as It does take two. The boys mum is aware of the situation as I have spoke to her on a number of occasions. Has anyone else come across this situation? If so how did you handle it. To be honest it would be best if he went to someone else but I don't know if that is a suggestion that I would be happy to make to mum.

Can anyone help me?

Thanks

Gosh,this is like reading my exact situation 2 yrs ago. I knew after trying for 6 months at least that a contract wasn't working. I also knew that it wasn't my son's fault but I clearly needed to be careful getting out of this situation! The other boy was v conniving and would, like u say,wind up my son, and he would do this during school time or at any opportunity when I had my back turned,ie if I was taking a younger child to the bathroom or answering the door. I took time to explain to the boys father over many weeks that I didn't feel the situation was working but I was trying hard. I thought he was understanding but little did I know, he hadn't talked to his wife at all. When I finally suggested that we need to end the contract, and I even offered to help find alternative care or look into after school club, the dad then had to tell mum! She went mad and said I had put my son first & wasn't professional.... she gossiped to as many people in the playground who would listen but I didn't fuel the fire and luckily those people knew me, didn't listen go her tales.it was all very uncomfortable and to cut a long story short I advise that u log every situation and make sure communication is good between u and both parents.Have meetings and plan what action u will need to take if the situation continues. Always b a step a head. Be prepared and stay professional. It's a fine line between having a good relationship with parents and being too friendly.(I was v upset & hurt when this happened to me as I did actually felt that my son did share his mum,often waited until last and didn't deserve to feel so uncomfortable in his own home. I actually felt that he took much more than his share of the blame for too long).take things one step at a time and keep perspective. It's not the end of the world and you will quickly move on from it. Good luck anyway!

natlou82
06-09-2014, 06:54 AM
I had a very similar experience, my Son is 8. I tried to work with the other boys mum for a solution and the school. In the end it was clear the arrangement was not working (my son was really unhappy) and me and the mum mutually agreed to end the contract. I was open and honest when the problems started and mum was really understanding. I agree with the others though, does the boy act up because he feels too old to be in the setting? I'm even encouraging my Son to do a couple of after school sports clubs so that he can be having fun with his peers instead of being surrounded by younger ones all the time. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Simona
06-09-2014, 07:12 AM
I had a very similar experience, my Son is 8. I tried to work with the other boys mum for a solution and the school. In the end it was clear the arrangement was not working (my son was really unhappy) and me and the mum mutually agreed to end the contract. I was open and honest when the problems started and mum was really understanding. I agree with the others though, does the boy act up because he feels too old to be in the setting? I'm even encouraging my Son to do a couple of after school sports clubs so that he can be having fun with his peers instead of being surrounded by younger ones all the time. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Sorry about this.... I have to say this about older children cared for by a cm...personally I have always cared for older children and absolutely love them
Apart from the odd squabble it was a lively, entertaining, equal setting with babies and even 12 year olds getting on very well together...above all they had to bury their differences.... if any... and get on and they always did.

I feel that children of all ages can be happy together but older children need to self regulate their behaviour and explain why they do not get on with a particular child...like each other...or not want to play with other children...in other words what is the problem and how can it be resolved...
I think that is part of the listening to children bit...the Mosaic Approach and all that

They are at the age when they are able to express their views and tell us why there is a conflict....unlike 2 year olds who get into a tantrum because they are unable to express their needs and end up with time out

I totally understand the situation but I would not give notice unless I was sure I understood the problem...
yes I also do agree that parents can also turn nasty and accuse the CM of favouritism....not ideal I think but not all parents would accept their child is at fault and the consequences of what they could do is not pleasant
My view of course

natlou82
06-09-2014, 01:06 PM
In my situation it worked out fine as the parent and school thought this was the best outcome for both boys. I thought about the needs of both of them when making this decision which was very tough at the time. I just needed to add that there was also a lot of conflict at school between the 2 boys not just at home and my son also got hurt by the other boy.