New mindee establishing boundaries with me...

[NinkyNonk]

I started minding this week and have two lovely children. My question is about the boy who is 3...he is a really good boy and I know he is just seeing where he stands with me/testing boundaries etc, but I need a different way of responding to him.

For instance...he's walking on top of the child size picnic table in the garden, I say 'come down from there, we don't walk on tables it's not safe'. His answer 'yes we do'. If I repeat or say it a different way, he will just keep repeating 'yes we do'. This happened with jumping on the sofa's, snatching toys etc. How can I respond better to him, so that it doesn't get into this 'yes we do, no we don't, yes we do' battle??

[loocyloo]

I would just say 'not at loocyloo s house' and would take child down.

Good luck, stay firm! X

[tess1981]

I do the whole ...well in my house I have my rules which we follow to keep everyone safe.

[Kiddleywinks]

I agree 'not at kiddleywinks house'

Another one is 'my house, my rules' ;) (this kind of back fired as the older kids use this at their own home now :blush:)

[miffy]

No discussion - short command, eg. "Get DOWN" (children can't process long commands and often hear only the last word so make that is the word you want them to obey). Speak in a level tone, calm manner and be firm.

I'd have a word with parents too and see if he responds to them the same - better if you can all take the same approach but if not, at the end of the day, it is your house and your rules go and children can and do adapt to different rules in different places.

Good luck - hopefully it will be a short-lived phase.

Miffy xx

[Mouse]

I would forget trying to reason with him while he's actually doing it. I would be firm and to the point - "get off the table", "get off the sofa", "give the toy back". Give as little attention as possible and don't get into a backwards & forwards battle with him.

Once he has stopped doing whatever you don't want him to, then try having a chat and asking why he did it, explaining why you won't allow it and telling him what the consequences will be if he does it again. Then make sure you follow through with the consequence so he knows you mean it! He's trying to see how far he can push you and how he can best get a response from you. Give him as little attention as possible while you're telling him to get down, in a firm, dull voice - then switch to your happy, cheery voice once he's done what you've asked. He'll soon learn that he gets nice attention when he's being good :thumbsup:

[NinkyNonk]

Great, thanks for the replies. I will give it a go. He hasn't been quite so bad with it today...although he seems to want to say everything opposite to me. If I point something out while we're walking, he'll say 'no it isn't'. Or if we get near to his nursery where we can see it, he'll say I'm going the wrong way.

[NinkyNonk]

Great, thanks for the replies. I will give it a go. He hasn't been quite so bad with it today...although he seems to want to say everything opposite to me. If I point something out while we're walking, he'll say 'no it isn't'. Or if we get near to his nursery where we can see it, he'll say I'm going the wrong way.

[smurfette]

Great, thanks for the replies. I will give it a go. He hasn't been quite so bad with it today...although he seems to want to say everything opposite to me. If I point something out while we're walking, he'll say 'no it isn't'. Or if we get near to his nursery where we can see it, he'll say I'm going the wrong way..

Lol apparently I did this when I was about that age .. My mum was so frustrated and eventually she started contradicting everything I said until I got frustrated and asked her why she was doing it! Never did it again! Can you make it into a joke?!

[Kaybeaa]

I say, politely but firmly, "I'd like you to get down now" and then if they don't, I say it again "Joe, I'd like you to get down-NOW please". Short firm requests that let them know YOU'RE the boss not them. Works with my most difficult mindees!

[NinkyNonk]

Thanks all...I think part of it is that he just wants to be opposite....I say it's black, he says it's white! He's settled in really well with me, and having spoken to his mum, it seems a phase. He's not as bad with her, but is trying to be very independent and not wanting help with anything etc.

I'll see how we go and be firm, that it's what happens at my house etc. Thank you!