Days off !!

[mrsb79]

It's my hubby's 40th birthday next weds so I've booked the day off bearing in mind it's the one and only day I've booked during the long summer holidays, I'm planning to spend time with my family celebrating his birthday with him. All parents were given ample notice of my day off and lo and behold I've just received a text " sorry got to work on Wednesday now is that a problem " well what do you think !! It really annoys me how I will go out of my way to accommodate their requests but mine are just not important. I came here first to rant before I reply with I'm sorry but I've made plans that I can't change now. Sorry peeps just really cross x

[littlebears1009]

It's a booked holiday why would they even text you saying that?? I wouldn't let them know you have plans as plans or no plans you've booked it off for a reason. I would just reply and tell them as they are aware you will be on holiday that day therefore they must find alternative arrangements for their lo! We had this on my thread the other day didn't we, the more we give, the more people take and our previous efforts go unnoticed as soon as we cannot do what they want! X

[mrsb79]

It just takes the mick she's now begging me to change my plans or find someone else to take care of her child, it's not really my problem though is it I'm trying to stay strong and not back down but they sure know how to manipulate us don't they x

[Simona]

It just takes the mick she's now begging me to change my plans or find someone else to take care of her child, it's not really my problem though is it I'm trying to stay strong and not back down but they sure know how to manipulate us don't they x

If you have given parents ample notice of your day off, according to your contract, the parent has no right to ask you to change your plans
You could offer help in finding alternative care but it is not your duty to do so
So you must say you are sorry and the parent has to deal with the situation or take a day off

Good luck

[bunyip]

As an old bloke of the straight-talking, non-soap-watching variety, I am baffled by all this "no right to ask", "sorry, but...", "taking the mick" response.

To me, a question is a request for information, nothing more, nothing less. I have neither the time, the guile, nor the mental energy to go looking for trouble in a simple question. I would simply respond with a straightforward answer.

Viz: "Thank you for your message. As previously notified, I shall not be working on [date] and shall not be available to provide a service caring for your child. Thank you for asking but this does not represent a problem to me, as I shall be enjoying the day doing other things. Kind regards, etc."

Whether it's a problem for the client is frankly, well, er, her problem. :rolleyes:

Neither would I say, "I'm sorry but....." because I would not be sorry. There is absolutely no need to explain, justify, or apologise (not even in this oh-so British insincere manner) for making an adult decision - and no need to go looking for "offence". AFAIC I attract enough trouble in life without going digging for hidden meanings or making those meaningless apologies for thinking or doing things to which I'm perfectly entitled. :thumbsup:

Perhaps it's a man thing?

Unless there is some history or back-story to this relationship that I'm missing......................:huh:

(Edited for unforgivable miss-spelling of "there". :p )

[littlebears1009]

Stay strong, if you have not had any time off over the whole summer holidays then you definitely deserve this day off with your family x

[mrsb79]

As an old bloke of the straight-talking, non-soap-watching variety, I am baffled by all this "no right to ask", "sorry, but...", "taking the mick" response. To me, a question is a request for information, nothing more, nothing less. I have neither the time, the guile, nor the mental energy to go looking for trouble in a simple question. I would simply respond with a straightforward answer. Viz: "Thank you for your message. As previously notified, I shall not be working on [date] and shall not be available to provide a service caring for your child. Thank you for asking but this does not represent a problem to me, as I shall be enjoying the day doing other things. Kind regards, etc." Whether it's a problem for the client is frankly, well, er, her problem. :rolleyes: Neither would I say, "I'm sorry but....." because I would not be sorry. There is absolutely no need to explain, justify, or apologise (not even in this oh-so British insincere manner) for making an adult decision - and no need to go looking for "offence". AFAIC I attract enough trouble in life without going digging for hidden meanings or making those meaningless apologies for thinking or doing things to which I'm perfectly entitled. :thumbsup: Perhaps it's a man thing? Unless there is some history or back-story to this relationship that I'm missing......................:huh: (Edited for unforgivable miss-spelling of "there". :p )
No missing history or back - story just as usual I come last down the pecking order. I could be straight talking but don't think I would have many clients then. I'm probably just narky cause I'm tired she will be here in an hour so guess we will see then what the outcome will be. I'm angry at myself too and know I should stick to my guns x

[mum67]

It just takes the mick she's now begging me to change my plans or find someone else to take care of her child, it's not really my problem though is it I'm trying to stay strong and not back down but they sure know how to manipulate us don't they x

These parents! are you not allowed a life Mrsb79?
Have your special day with your family, he's only 40 once. She will find childcare if she really needs it and if not she can take a day off herself. If a nursery was closed that day would she ask them to open especially for her? Noooo so why should you.
Hope you have a fantastic family day together:thumbsup:

[mrsb79]

See now I asked over 4 weeks ago and mum said yeah if I can't have the day off dad can, then 2 weeks ago mum said could I have missy an extra day last week and that can count as my day off if you get what I mean to which I said yes that's fine. I know I need to say no can do it's my sons 15th bday in tues then hubby's weds so I have brought them a dads and lads tank driving experience which I've booked for the Wednesday obviously I'm not taking part but the intention was for me and bubs to go and watch them and just enjoy the day together x I'm willing myself to stay strong and say no x

[smurfette]

[QUOTE="mrsb79;1374160"]See now I asked over 4 weeks ago and mum said yeah if I can't have the day off dad can, then 2 weeks ago mum said could I have missy an extra day last week and that can count as my day off if you get what I mean to which I said yes that's fine. I know I need to say no can do it's my sons 15th bday in tues then hubby's weds so I have brought them a dads and lads tank driving experience which I've booked for the Wednesday obviously I'm not taking part but the intention was for me and bubs to go and watch them and just enjoy the day together x I'm willing myself to stay strong and say no x[/QUOTE
Stick to your guns. You don't ask parents for a day off you just inform them you aren't working, don't you dare miss that special day or we will be cross at you lol!

Say sorry if you must (I would!) just say nothing you can do it's all arranged

She shouldn't have asked it wasn't fair

Bunyip yes a man thing.. I am afraid we are more complex (which is often a bad thing!) and have a tendency to read extra emotions and motivations behind things which men don't always see. (And lol that aren't actually there sometimes!) I wish I had this ability to just read things as they are (dh is exactly like this thank goodness! Keeps me balanced!) but I am afraid I am what is called 'highly sensitive' it is an actual personality type and now I have read up about it it makes sense but not easy to live with! ESP doing this job !

[mrsb79]

Well I had both parents at the door quite annoyed with me telling me that it's not on that I'm choosing to have a day off and that I'm putting them out !! Needless to say I'm peeved I did say that I had given them ample notice and only when they had agreed to it that I had made my plans which I think was extremely reasonable and that I shouldn't have to explain myself and that we are all entitled to time off now and then. They continued to pester me and their parting shot was can you see if you can change your plans and let us know, Arragghh x

[bunyip]

No missing history or back - story just as usual I come last down the pecking order. I could be straight talking but don't think I would have many clients then. I'm probably just narky cause I'm tired she will be here in an hour so guess we will see then what the outcome will be. I'm angry at myself too and know I should stick to my guns x

Do that: stick to your guns and stay strong as littlebears says. But don't be angry with yourself, and don't take on emotional responsibility for others. :thumbsup: Hope it goes well.

I'd still say just take the question at face value and answer it matter of fact. I'd have missed out on a whole load of business and other opportunities if I'd been one to deter the so-called "cheeky" question. Parents often think they're being cheeky asking me to do extra hours, etc. which I'm delighted to do. They just have to know what "no" means when I say it.

OTOH, there's swings and roundabouts. Sometimes there are messages and undercurrents which men don't see (Smurfette there: wise as ever :waving:.) I'm developing a wee bit of female intuition (from hanging out with CMs? :rolleyes:) in some respects, but am still prone to missing many signals and warning signs.

[AliceK]

I'm afraid I don't ever ask parents if it's okay if a take a certain day off as long as I am giving the required amount of notice and on occasions when it has been short notice it's because of a hospital appt and again I tell parents I will be taking the time off but in that instance I will apologise for the lack of notice and tell them why. A parent would get short shrift from me if they dare'd to tell me my time off wasn't acceptable for them. Have they forgotten that they are the child's parents not you. Please please do NOT give in to them :panic:

xxx

[littlebears1009]

I would be tempted to just leave it now and if they mention it again just say as explained in our previous conversation I am not available on that day and you had no intention of seeing if you could change your plans as you know full well you cannot change the date someone has their birthday unfortunately. If it gets to Tuesday just smile and say see you on Thursday and close the door :-) I'm afraid if they had a problem with the amount of notice you provide for holidays or have a problem with you taking time off at all I would be having words or showing them the door! I'm sure they would have something to say if their employer told them they could only take holidays when they said so after signing a contract that says otherwise! Looking forward to hearing on Thursday how you had a brilliant time on Wednesday with your family! Xxx

[Maza]

I'm afraid I don't ever ask parents if it's okay if a take a certain day off as long as I am giving the required amount of notice and on occasions when it has been short notice it's because of a hospital appt and again I tell parents I will be taking the time off but in that instance I will apologise for the lack of notice and tell them why. A parent would get short shrift from me if they dare'd to tell me my time off wasn't acceptable for them. Have they forgotten that they are the child's parents not you. Please please do NOT give in to them :panic:

xxx

AliceK you always sound so wonderfully assertive! I wish I was more like you! x

[AliceK]

AliceK you always sound so wonderfully assertive! I wish I was more like you! x

ha ha, yes I am assertive, sometimes I worry I might upset some parents with my forthright ness (is that a word lol) but I am too long in the tooth to take any crap from anyone. One of my parents who I get on very well with actually, said to me yesterday that I strike her as someone who is straight down the line and yes that's me. I call a spade a spade and like people to be the same with me.

xxx

[natlou82]

I've never been an assertive person myself, too scared of confrontation. Although I knew I would have to change this when I started this job otherwise I ll be walked all over! You must stand your ground, who are you most scared of upsetting, these unreasonable parents or your lovely husband? I would not let my family down for anyone. If you back down now they will lose respect for you, stay strong it's a firm no!

[hectors house]

I often notice that my parents aren't in normal work clothes and then they say "Not at work today, it's my best friends/mums etc birthday so we are going out to lunch or going to the spa" and I don't begrudge them that but sometimes feel it would be nice to be able to take an odd day off (at short notice) and not feel so :censored: guilty for doing so.

[mrsb79]

Huge pat on me back, I've stood my ground yippee much to their annoyance. They've just dropped little one I informed them my back up minder is full and that it is only one day that I've booked off and made plans only once I knew all the parents could arrange cover so for them to then change their mind at the last minute was unfair. I also pointed out that they had plenty of notice and that I wasn't just taking a day off willy nilly and that it was important to me to be able to spend time with my family. I also asked what they would do if I was sick and my back up minder was full, their answer well that's different I said well it is because it would be short notice but would you still expect me to work their answer well it depends !!! They left saying rather sarcastically well I hope taking the day off is worth it, hell yes it is thank you very much. See Bunyip I knew I wasn't being sensitive x

[littlebears1009]

Huge pat on me back, I've stood my ground yippee much to their annoyance. They've just dropped little one I informed them my back up minder is full and that it is only one day that I've booked off and made plans only once I knew all the parents could arrange cover so for them to then change their mind at the last minute was unfair. I also pointed out that they had plenty of notice and that I wasn't just taking a day off willy nilly and that it was important to me to be able to spend time with my family. I also asked what they would do if I was sick and my back up minder was full, their answer well that's different I said well it is because it would be short notice but would you still expect me to work their answer well it depends !!! They left saying rather sarcastically well I hope taking the day off is worth it, hell yes it is thank you very much. See Bunyip I knew I wasn't being sensitive x

Yippee! Well done you! Hope you have a lovely day!

[mrsb79]

Thanks littlebears and all of you for your support feeling rather proud x

[Mouse]

Well done on standing your ground, although I still would not accept being spoken to like that, especially with the threat "They left saying rather sarcastically well I hope taking the day off is worth it".

Hopefully it will all blow over now, but just to be sure (in case they decide to be spiteful about it), I would make a note of everything that's been said & done. Note when you first gave them notice of your holiday date, that they were OK about it & had planned for dad to have the day off, when they changed their mind & started hassling you etc. I would put it all in writing, including the comment made today, and give them a copy of it. Then file a copy in your complaints folder. If they decide to get spiteful and cause any trouble for you, you at least have it all written up.

Then try hard to forget about their total disrespect for you & enjoy your day off :happy banana:

[Simona]

Thanks littlebears and all of you for your support feeling rather proud x

A good ending to something that caused you a slight worry and annoyance :angry:
Enjoy your day off and make sure you look at your contract with these parents...and yes make a note of this incident

something tells me this will happen again with this family...especially when you have said you have a back-up CM and their rather unhelpful response

Have a lovely day with your family

[HTSMumma]

Maybe it's me being a "woman" (although I must say, I know many fellas that would very peed off by their attitude) but I find their behaviour towards you incredibly disrespectful.
We are self employed, we are not employed by parents. How dare (yes, how dare!) they treat you like you are in the wrong for taking a much deserved day off. Regardless of the reason, you are entitled to have your days/weeks off. Even if you wanted a day to sit on your ar*e and watch daytime tele, you shouldn't have to justify it.
I would be tempted to tell these bratty parents that you will not accept this guilt trip behaviour in future and you will not be spoken to like that again. Depending on my relationship with their child, I'd also be wondering whether I want to work with these parents.

Have a fantastic day off! I truly hope you don't get anymore grief from these parents.
:-)

[tess1981]

I'm glad my parents are do easy going.... I give all parents my holiday list when they start which had the holidays for I expect year on them. In January a new list is issued and given to all parents... However I do say they might be time during the year I need a day off somewhere and will give as much notice as I can... These days are not charged but normal holidays on the list are. I give them the option to swap for another day or take it off. They have all been great. I am doing a sponsored cycle on Sunday and told all parents I would not be working the Monday. I didn't ask was it okay I told them I would be taking it off very nicely of course . The parent that was in a position to swap did and the other one is making different arrangements :) i would hate work with parents like the one you mentioned as said before u do not work for them they need a lesson on manners

[rickysmiths]

Last week I had to take Monday off. It was actually a last min thing I gave my parent two weeks (only one child on a Mon in the holidays) notice that I would be off. That was that, I had the day off (had to drive up to Liverpool from London on the Sunday and I can't do the return journey in a day but we had to be there on a Week Day to deal with some stuff.)

However if this had been a year ago I would have had one parent complaining and swapping days without expecting to pay (I keep a few days paid holidays for emergencies). We parted company last autumn thankfully because they really tried to manipulate. They now have a Nanny!

[natlou82]

Good for you :-) enjoy your day off xx

[Simona]

Last week I had to take Monday off. It was actually a last min thing I gave my parent two weeks (only one child on a Mon in the holidays) notice that I would be off. That was that, I had the day off (had to drive up to Liverpool from London on the Sunday and I can't do the return journey in a day but we had to be there on a Week Day to deal with some stuff.)

However if this had been a year ago I would have had one parent complaining and swapping days without expecting to pay (I keep a few days paid holidays for emergencies). We parted company last autumn thankfully because they really tried to manipulate. They now have a Nanny!

Good to remind cms that not all days off are holidays...there are times when we want to take a day off in an emergency or for other reasons like a training course or something personal

Like you I give ample notice but also make it very clear that I may have to be off on very short notice
Worth looking at our contracts to make sure both types of leave are covered and fully understood by our clients

[natlou82]

Excellent point Simona, I only registered in March and gave parents a list of holidays, I've since realised that I've not gave myself any flexibility to take emergency days off etc and I could potentially come across this problem! When I set my holidays for next year I'm going to make it very clear that I may need to take odd days on short notice (but I will give as much notice as possible) to avoid this kind of problem.

[tonib]

Stay strong Mrs79! At the end of the day you and your family come first. Birthdays that you can spend with yours watching those special moments take priority over domineering parents who spit their dummies out when you've dared say no to their demands! Sorry annoyed for you. Have a fab time Wednesday and try not worry about them x

[mrsb79]

Hey all just got up shock horror oh the joys of having a day off are so worth it

[hectors house]

[QUOTE=mrsb79;1374892]Hey all just got up shock horror oh the joys of having a day off are so worth it

[Simona]

[QUOTE=mrsb79;1374892]Hey all just got up shock horror oh the joys of having a day off are so worth it

[Mummits]

They sound vile!

Have a lovely day off then start looking for their replacement.

[natlou82]

Hope your husband is having a fab birthday and you have enjoyed a well deserved day off xx

[mrsb79]

Hubby's had a fantastic day been truly spoilt had a lovely family gathering this evening. However I'm in serious pain

[natlou82]

That sounds painful! Hope you have a speedy recovery x

[shortstuff]

So glad you had a great day. Hope you heal quickly x

[mrsb79]

Thanks ladies I hope it heals quickly too xx

[mrsb79]

Still feeling sore but found a way to occupy my little Gracie

8477

She's loving daddy's balloon xx

[shortstuff]

Still feeling sore but found a way to occupy my little Gracie

<img src="http://www.childmindinghelp.co.uk/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8477"/>

She's loving daddy's balloon xx

How cute. Sorry to hear you are still sore though.

[mrsb79]

In on some pretty strong painkillers and have been lucky enough to have some great friends and family help me out. Got to take little miss to the hospital tomorrow for her check up on her chest as she has a dip in it, only child I know who's been told she can have a boob job when she's old enough

[shortstuff]

[QUOTE=mrsb79;1375150]In on some pretty strong painkillers and have been lucky enough to have some great friends and family help me out. Got to take little miss to the hospital tomorrow for her check up on her chest as she has a dip in it, only child I know who's been told she can have a boob job when she's old enough

[mrsb79]

Will do my lovely x

[smurfette]

She is just gorgeous ! Hope Hosp apt goes well and your pain is subsidising x

[mrsb79]

Your well wishes are working my arm is less painful today and little miss has been discharged so wishing everyone a happy bank holiday weekend from one very happy mummy x

[shortstuff]

That is amazing news on both counts. Have a great BH weekend celebrating.

[smurfette]

Brilliant great news x

[mrsb79]

Had a lovely family weekend

[smurfette]

Had a lovely family weekend dde00, back to the grind yesterday where I was informed that those horrible parents have sold their house so will be losing little one which is sad but great that I won't have inconsiderate parents to cater for x

Every cloud...!!

[mrsb79]

Definitely over the moon about 5/6 weeks left of rubbish attitude, it's such a shame that it's generally the parents that rock the relationship boat but hey ho technically I'm not losing anything as I have a new girl starting on the 1/9/14 so her fees cover the others when they leave so I'm happy x

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