Arrrrggghhh!

[littlebears1009]

Just having a little rant (thank god only 4 days to go until I completely finish). Currently minding for a friend she is my last mindee as I'm stopping, just holiday care as is 7. Agreed pick up time when arranged was 5.30. Every day has been nearer to 6. We made plans for tonight ages ago and just prayed she would be on time as didn't want to rock the boat. Anyway I get a text saying her oh is finishing early so will be here for 6?????? What time would have collected if not finishing early?? My setting is supposed to close at 5.30 and anyone else would have racked up quite a hefty late pick up charge so far! So I text her and asked what happened to the 5.30 pick ups as we have plans and was hoping for her to be picked up then. She said her work hours have changed since our arrangement and she doesn't actually finish until 5.30 now (except today)! I'm also miffed that I lent the lo my daughters goggles when I took her swimming and she took them home with her (error on both parts) and I have been asking for them back for a week. I am told today I will get them back if she can find them? So not only will I prob have to buy new goggles, I have this mindee at a reduced rate and have to give 3 meals a day (meant to be two but often comes at 8.45 and hasn't had time for breakfast), our plans are now disrupted!!

[Mouse]

Very annoying, but unfortunately if you let people treat you like a doormat, then they will. Your fear of upsetting your friend has meant she's free to walk all over you :(

Count down the days until you finish, then maybe reconsider quite how much of a friendship this really is.

[littlebears1009]

Very annoying, but unfortunately if you let people treat you like a doormat, then they will. Your fear of upsetting your friend has meant she's free to walk all over you :( Count down the days until you finish, then maybe reconsider quite how much of a friendship this really is.

My hubby has said this numerous times as she is a lot of take take take from me and then thinks of me as a babysitter and a last resort socially because I have a husband and children and up until recently she has been single with shared custody so has a lot of free time. I have even offered to help out for free in the holidays going forward as I am going back to college so will be available. My hubby has just booked all of Xmas off so I don't want to do this and know for a fact she will ask me the Friday for a week of help the following Monday and I'm dreading having to let her down if I've made plans even though it's free! I am such a soft touch sometimes need to toughen up! Bring on the wine, later than I was hoping now but better late than never :-) x

[Koala]

So true mouse, it shouldn't be the case but I think your right.

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I would take the child with you and ask mum to meet you there - at least you would be at the venue

[rickysmiths]

I would buy new goggles and add the cost to mums bill.

[mum67]

Not much of a friend is she really. She picks up late constantly and didn't even bother to let you know her hours had changed. You never charge for late pick up and gave a reduced rate. Now you are offering free childcare in holidays when you are giving it up as a job! She really doesn't know a good friend when she sees one. I would make an invoice for all the times she was late and give it to her just so she can see what a great friend you are, as you are obviously not going to take the money.

Oh and don't feel bad about letting her down for the holiday care if you choose not to do it, she doesn't feel for you every night at 5.30pm, the worse that could happen you lose a bad friend.;)

Good luck with college whatever it is you are going to do there.

[littlebears1009]

Not much of a friend is she really. She picks up late constantly and didn't even bother to let you know her hours had changed. You never charge for late pick up and gave a reduced rate. Now you are offering free childcare in holidays when you are giving it up as a job! She really doesn't know a good friend when she sees one. I would make an invoice for all the times she was late and give it to her just so she can see what a great friend you are, as you are obviously not going to take the money. Oh and don't feel bad about letting her down for the holiday care if you choose not to do it, she doesn't feel for you every night at 5.30pm, the worse that could happen you lose a bad friend.;) Good luck with college whatever it is you are going to do there.

Doing teaching and thank you! She also cancelled a days care a day before and she had already paid so said I can just owe her a day in the next holidays. Anyone else would have still had to pay regardless! I, like a mug, just said yes ok then! I'm not a confrontational person so I'm hoping the friendship will just fizzle out! It would if I didn't make the effort anyway tbh! Thanks for all your wise words, it has sure opened my eyes!

[mum67]

Doing teaching and thank you! She also cancelled a days care a day before and she had already paid so said I can just owe her a day in the next holidays. Anyone else would have still had to pay regardless! I, like a mug, just said yes ok then! I'm not a confrontational person so I'm hoping the friendship will just fizzle out! It would if I didn't make the effort anyway tbh! Thanks for all your wise words, it has sure opened my eyes!

hugs to you, think we have all had a friend like this some where in our lives.:)

[littlebears1009]

Well my friend text this morning asking again if she could swap her day tomorrow for a day in the October holidays, less than 24 hours notice. I was a little stronger this time and just replied with this

Technically whatever is booked is to be paid for regardless of whether she attends or not as obviously I plan the days around working and not having it off.

Her reply was whatever your supposed to be a friend so I thought there would be some flexibility it's hardly a strict business arrangement! See you tomorrow!

I feel like replying and saying it is my income and my job too! And yes I am a friend and yes there is a little flexibility which is why I haven't slammed on countless late pick up charges because you couldn't be bothered to tell me that your hours had changed at work and I've already done a day swap for her! And already had to buy more goggles because she has lost them! And had to give her breakfast because she didn't have time! And given care at a reduced rate so I'm hardly making anything!

Plus I won't be doing this job in October so don't want to be tied to looking after her just because she's done a day swap and already paid me. Plus she is getting the money off tax credits so basically I think she is trying to save her days with registered care so she can say she paid for them while I was registered but used them when I wasn't if that makes sense?

I really don't want to reply with the above because it will only make things awkward for the next 4 days but I think I will be calling an end to it after this! Friendships work both ways!

[Kiddleywinks]

But it is a business arrangement! Loose or otherwise.... there is a contract in place I presume?

[littlebears1009]

No because we are friends so "it was reyt we didn't need one". I would have preferred one though!
I have replied stating that I am not doing it to be funny but I am no longer doing childminding after her lo finishes as she we'll knows and if my college days don't coincide with the school holidays or i need to get a part time job alongside this to help with finances then I don't want to be held to these 2 days that I cannot guarantee I will be available for! I've also pointed out the yes I understand flexibility which is why I do a reduced rate and also understand that it isn't a strict business arrangement because had it been she would have had a hefty bill for late pick ups due to not notifying me of her change in hours until I mentioned it on Friday. Just told her by all means don't bring tomorrow but do not bank on me being available in October!

Not as harsh as I would have liked to have been however still need to be amicable. I told my hubby that had I not needed this weeks fees I would have gone and posted them through her door with a note stating as it's not a strict business arrangement I don't feel like working this week I'll save work for another week! That would have felt good lol!

[littlebears1009]

And the icing on the cake "I didn't ask for a reduced rate as it's not an issue what I pay as I claim 75% back anyway"

What an absolute kick in the teeth that is! I offer reduced rate because I am a friend, she didn't say that when she was accepting it. And all other childminders work until 6 anyway so didn't think it was an issue! No I work until the time my last mindee goes home and the time agreed was 5.30 then said she would have gone elsewhere if things were going to be awkward!

Am I being awkward? Or is it me that thinks I'm not? She doesn't seem to get that she is asking me less than 24 hours in advance to bank days for a time I cannot commit to doing!

[natlou82]

Keep being strong! This is definitely not the kind of friendship I would keep either, when you've finished minding keep away from this dreadful ungrateful woman!

[littlebears1009]

Keep being strong! This is definitely not the kind of friendship I would keep either, when you've finished minding keep away from this dreadful ungrateful woman!

Oh I will be doing! Selfish and can only see things from her point and no one else's! I really could post her money back through the door less the late pick up fees along with a copy of my policy but I won't! I've just calmly replied with ok just let me know if she's coming tomorrow thanks! Much less than I would have like to have said, feel so unappreciated and pooped on!

[smurfette]

Well done for you for standing your ground as much as you have that was hard! Of course she appreciated the reduced rate she just wanted to kick you in the teeth... Breathe ,
Smile and now you have told her you may not be available in October I would stick with that .. Your finish date is x after which you will not be available for minding for anyone as you will be caught up with work placements, assignments etc that way you will be finished soon and will know there is some
Closure


I know it hurts I went though something similar last year with a 'friend' using me.. It's not nice and hurts when you have bent over backwards xx

[littlebears1009]

It's horrible it's more upsetting than maddening! She has told me she is coming tomorrow so just have to get through these 4 days that will be a little awkward and that's it! No more!

[Allie]

I know it hurts when friends let you down, but really she has done you a favour as now you can finish with her completely at the end of this contract and never feel you have to ever have her child for free. She has walkf all over you and thrown away your friendship, stay strong x

[mum67]

Well my friend text this morning asking again if she could swap her day tomorrow for a day in the October holidays, less than 24 hours notice. I was a little stronger this time and just replied with this

Technically whatever is booked is to be paid for regardless of whether she attends or not as obviously I plan the days around working and not having it off.

Her reply was whatever your supposed to be a friend so I thought there would be some flexibility it's hardly a strict business arrangement! See you tomorrow!

I feel like replying and saying it is my income and my job too! And yes I am a friend and yes there is a little flexibility which is why I haven't slammed on countless late pick up charges because you couldn't be bothered to tell me that your hours had changed at work and I've already done a day swap for her! And already had to buy more goggles because she has lost them! And had to give her breakfast because she didn't have time! And given care at a reduced rate so I'm hardly making anything!

Plus I won't be doing this job in October so don't want to be tied to looking after her just because she's done a day swap and already paid me. Plus she is getting the money off tax credits so basically I think she is trying to save her days with registered care so she can say she paid for them while I was registered but used them when I wasn't if that makes sense?

I really don't want to reply with the above because it will only make things awkward for the next 4 days but I think I will be calling an end to it after this! Friendships work both ways!

Wow this friend of yours really is a one way think of number one person isn't she? She says your supposed to be a friend yet thinks everything she is doing is right! Even is she has already paid but not used the space, TOUGH you was available and she never came. Why does she think you owe her a day? She is one friend I would have got rid of long ago and would have had the wrath of my tongue by now with nothing held back. But as it's your business you have to hold a lot in in case she reports you out of badness. What does she mean it's hardly a strict business arrangement the cheeky c** what does she think you are the local babysitter who has such a great life you have nothing to pay out to anyone.
She gets my back up never mind yours and I don't even know her. Stick to your guns and DO NOT mind for her in the holidays then she can see what you really have done for her. Your excuse is you have college assignments to get in and a life of your own.
Once you are out of childminding you can give it to her verbally as much as you want.:thumbsup:

[littlebears1009]

I know! She sent her this am again without breakfast at 9AM I mean would she send her to school without breakfast?! I could really be a pain and say since we agreed two meals she hasn't had tea but then it's unfair to make mine wait for tea and unfair to make her lo sit and watch mine eat! Also think she is taking the Micky after her calling my offer of reduced rate meaning I don't make anything and making me fork out even more! She also came all chirpy and happy, I just remained frank and professional and made it clear I was in no way happy and only doing this because I need the money! I know now tho that had I not insisted on payment upfront I would have been left high and dry! Last week the lo ignored my ample requests not to do gymnastics in the house, kicked her water all over my daughters CD player and I have left it to dry and lo and behold still is not working! This was not mentioned as I didn't want to rock the boat but now this weeks fees will be paying for a replacement and I now am kicking myself for not saying anything! When the lo asked where it was this morning I have let her know that it no longer works due to her actions and she asked if I will be telling her mum. I said I will let her tell her if she feels better doing that and she said yes ok! Although I doubt I will get an offer of replacement just like the goggles!

[mum67]

I know! She sent her this am again without breakfast at 9AM I mean would she send her to school without breakfast?! I could really be a pain and say since we agreed two meals she hasn't had tea but then it's unfair to make mine wait for tea and unfair to make her lo sit and watch mine eat! Also think she is taking the Micky after her calling my offer of reduced rate meaning I don't make anything and making me fork out even more! She also came all chirpy and happy, I just remained frank and professional and made it clear I was in no way happy and only doing this because I need the money! I know now tho that had I not insisted on payment upfront I would have been left high and dry! Last week the lo ignored my ample requests not to do gymnastics in the house, kicked her water all over my daughters CD player and I have left it to dry and lo and behold still is not working! This was not mentioned as I didn't want to rock the boat but now this weeks fees will be paying for a replacement and I now am kicking myself for not saying anything! When the lo asked where it was this morning I have let her know that it no longer works due to her actions and she asked if I will be telling her mum. I said I will let her tell her if she feels better doing that and she said yes ok! Although I doubt I will get an offer of replacement just like the goggles!

Even I am counting to the last day you have her:D You have taught me a very valuable lesson not to trust friends or family in business which the forum members are always reminding us to stay professional no matter what.

[littlebears1009]

I know I should have listened but did not imagine she would be like this! I mentioned the CD player and replacing it she then said I am paying you as a business it's one of them things she was in your care and accidental. So it is ok for me to be a friend and give discounted rates, swap days and it's not a strict business arrangement to her when she doesn't get her own way but when tables turn it's business and it's tough! If she hadn't have scoffed at my effort of friendship by reducing my rate for her and saying she could have afforded to pay full I wouldn't have mentioned the CD player and would have sucked it up and just paid myself to replace it for my daughter! But why should I lose out to help her out which she is totally ungrateful for and then also have to lose out more to replace something her child broke! It's laughable, and I'm glad that you agree because today I've really doubted whether I am actually being an **** and not her! X

[natlou82]

It's definitely her! Do not doubt yourself, like someone else said I feel like counting down with you, do not offer any holiday care whatever you do x

[littlebears1009]

She isn't coming tomorrow because I mentioned the CD player and asking for a replacement isn't something friends do?? Oh well it is only her lo missing out as id let her choose the activity for tomorrow and I'm disappointed she isn't going to get to do it however some words were exchanged I told her how I felt and she still thinks I am being childish, she even went on my site looked at how much I had reduced my rate by and 5 quid a day was nothing!? A further mocking there and said my reviews were awful she isn't surprised (I don't even have any reviews only a 5/5 star one on my Facebook page from a former parent) so she is lying there as obviously you wouldn't send your child to a minder with awful reviews! So angry and upset!

[mum67]

I know I should have listened but did not imagine she would be like this! I mentioned the CD player and replacing it she then said I am paying you as a business it's one of them things she was in your care and accidental. So it is ok for me to be a friend and give discounted rates, swap days and it's not a strict business arrangement to her when she doesn't get her own way but when tables turn it's business and it's tough! If she hadn't have scoffed at my effort of friendship by reducing my rate for her and saying she could have afforded to pay full I wouldn't have mentioned the CD player and would have sucked it up and just paid myself to replace it for my daughter! But why should I lose out to help her out which she is totally ungrateful for and then also have to lose out more to replace something her child broke! It's laughable, and I'm glad that you agree because today I've really doubted whether I am actually being an **** and not her! X

You've seen what she is really about now and your doing the right thing by standing up for yourself now. Good on you and forget her now and get on enjoying your life and happiness:thumbsup:

[Kiddleywinks]

Wow she really does want it all ways doesn't she!

I minded my niece, successfully thank goodness, for 2 years, so working with family and friends doesn't always go wrong, but I also had a friend who hinted at me minding her children that I hinted back a big no to.
I love her to bits, but she's pants with money, gets her priorities wrong at times - hair appointment more important than the gas bill type, so I know she would have tried taking the mickey and we'd have fallen out big time. She's a great mate, but it would be a rubbish working relationship ;)

As hard as it is, take this as a learning experience, make any adjustments for the future (Business wise: Signed contracts, same rules as other parents, etc), and then move on.
You will wrap yourself up in knots if you don't :(

[mrsb79]

Can't believe the cheek of her. I've minded for my best friend but it fizzled out when she realised that her lo wasn't receiving preferential treatment and was being told off for silly things like jumping on the sofa or not helping to tidy up ( things she could get away with at home ) I have standards and rules and they apply to everyone even my own children !! I love my friend dearly but boy is she raising a little madam, they are coming to visit today and the rules still apply my mantra is my house my rules !! Carry on with the count down and treat yourself the day you finish with lo , I'm on count down too but only for two weeks respite from one very noisy and boisterous 8yr old so roll on Friday xx

[Mollymop]

I bet you can't wait to quit now ( or have you quit?) I would never mind for friends as they always seem to take advantage of you. So unfair about the googles. I have lent out lots of things over the years and never seem to get them back.

[littlebears1009]

I bet you can't wait to quit now ( or have you quit?) I would never mind for friends as they always seem to take advantage of you. So unfair about the googles. I have lent out lots of things over the years and never seem to get them back.

She was my last lo finishing at the end of the week so since she isn't coming now i'm technically finished! Can just forget about it now and look forward to my 2 weeks in Crete in 11 days :)

[mum67]

She was my last lo finishing at the end of the week so since she isn't coming now i'm technically finished! Can just forget about it now and look forward to my 2 weeks in Crete in 11 days :)

:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:Yeah Good on you:D Let this go now and get on with your future. Enjoy your hols and when your sat a the pool with a large cocktail and the sun beaming down on you say "Cheers" out loud to yourself:)

[natlou82]

Great news x time to count down to your holiday! Enjoy and good luck on your new adventure :-)

[rickysmiths]

What a shame you don't have a Contract.

Young madam I would be billing the parent for Goggles, New CD Player and for Breakfast.