View Full Version : Toilet training help!

04-08-2014, 05:52 PM
I have an lo whose 3 and a half yrs old and with me full time. Parents started toilet training at weekend. He is ready as knows bowel/bladder movements. Lo is funny about pooing whilst out and will wait til we get home to do it. Mum says lo has always been like this. So we know he can control bowel movements. He can also control bladder as mum said he did not wee until he had his nappy on at naptime and again at bedtime, all weekend.
Lo had a complete meltdown when I tried to put him on both toilet and potty as seperate times today. Complete refusal to go on either. Talked to him about why he doesnt want to sit on either and he says he doesnt know. We have been talking about not having a nappy for months, so he understands it all.
Lo has been drinking loads of water today and kept holding himself. Even the mention of going to the loo made him cry. Eventually he did go this afternoon (in pants) after holding it pretty much all day.
Just need any ideas about how to go from here?? He is very stubborn. Rewards dont seem to work.
In all my years of childcare this is a new one on me!!

hectors house
04-08-2014, 07:38 PM
Too tired to think about this one properly - maybe get lots of stories about potty training from the library - I have my own copy of "I want my potty - little princess one", Potty book for boys, potty book for girls, On your potty, and a couple more that I can't remember, I do remember reading a library one about a dinosaur who didn't want to go on sleep overs because he wore nappies at bedtime, maybe just push the idea of babies wear nappies and big boys wear pants and use a potty or toilet. Maybe he doesn't want to see what comes out of his body - when I am getting children ready for the idea of potty training, I sometimes show them the contents of a soiled nappy and say to them "wouldn't that feel better if it was in a potty instead of your nappy".

04-08-2014, 08:01 PM
But how is he doing at home?

I state in my toilet training policy that potty training needs to be well established at home, (I recommend parents take some time-off to spend on this) and be reliable in pants BEFORE coming to me. If the child is not reliable in pants (asking to go to toilet or taking themselves) then they are back in nappies.

If the child is using toilet well at home then the issue is just at your house- so maybe borrow home potty, or find out more about how he uses potty/toilet at home, etc

If child is not using toilet/potty at home reliably and is having this strong reaction there as well, then it would be back into nappies and try again in 2-3 months time.

The child needs to want to do it and be happy with it, a battle is not going to help and could set him back severely if he starts making negative associations. Even though he maybe showing 'signs' of being ready, he clearly isn't mentally ready if he is reacting like this.

Him 'holding on' all day is not good for his health either.

04-08-2014, 08:09 PM
..also look for other triggers as this general stubbornness might be his way of getting across his annoyance about something completely unrelated (new baby, new nursery, changes at home or at your setting, friends moving on to school, pressure to grow-up and be a big boy...?

I have had a little boy here who was not cooperating with toilet training but also was saying at other times about 'I am not a baby but I am not really a big boy yet' etc. So much pressure had been put on him being a 'big boy' but he didn't feel like a big boy yet and was not ready to make that step. He had heard about being a 'big boy' in so many situations (ie: using a fork rather than fingers at the table 'like a big boy', doing things for himself 'like a big boy' etc) that I think he was deciding this 'big boy' business sounded like a lot of hard work and not much fun! He was quite happy having his nappy changed and eating with his fingers! But a time comes when they want to make that step and I think it needs to come from them too.

05-08-2014, 06:25 AM
Thaks guys for your replies. Pretty much things i have thought too. Yesterday was 1st day in pants at mine and the refsual of going on toilet/potty was the same at his own home. I did agree to support the toilet training if they (parents ) started it off. Ironically im closed next week and did suggest to start it then!!

05-08-2014, 07:14 AM
On Good morning Britain this morning there is a potty whisperer she will take 2 days at $600 a day to potty train you child ... problem solved lol

05-08-2014, 07:32 AM
On Good morning Britain this morning there is a potty whisperer she will take 2 days at $600 a day to potty train you child ... problem solved lol

I'd like to hear ...or meet these parents who would spend that sort of money to potty train their children and then complain that childcare is a bit too expensive for them??

Sorry to flag this up to the 'potty trainer' but I have potty trained children for 21 years and never had a problem...and I am sure there are many CMs who can say that...I wonder if we should add this to our childcare services?
I bet this person is not worried about 'More Affordable Childcare' and all that jazz and charges accordingly for her 'services'?

Sometimes I wonder if there is anything parents will not buy to help with their parenting skills when a bit of good old fashioned advice will do instead?
I find they tend to change the routine, do one thing one day and then another the next, they can be tentative and worried about accidents and often bombard the children with pressure...all it needs is the resolve to get the task done quickly and without stressing the poor little ones

I do agree with Moggy and feel the child must be under some sort of pressure and also confused...he either gets used to using the loo or the potty...the 2 are totally different...my view of course

Good luck and I hope it is all over soon