concerned about friends 4 year old

[Elkie Mawdsley]

Hi everyone.

Wondering if any one can offer advice or put my mind at rest.

My friends little boy is 4, and has begun to show some very odd behaviour characteristics which have become more apparent now he isn't at nursery during ng the holidays.

He has always been quite particular about certain things, like he always wants to sit on the same seat and gets distressed if someone else sits there etc.

Recently, he has started to not like receiving gifts, prizes, lu ky bags etc and will temper until his mum gives it back - screaming he doesn't want it.

He doesn't like to do activities withother children like going to the farm, and will play alone on the park etc. He will however play happily with the neighbours children.

He will scream and shout and get so angry his face goes red.

He has good speech but is unable or unwilling to say why he is feeling sad/scared/angry etc.

Is this just a normal stage for him, or could something else be going on?

[jadavi]

I would request a visit from the health visitor a d bounce my concerns.

[sarah707]

I agree with jadavi - I'd advise mum to take him for an assessment he is likely to struggle at school if he is so inflexible :( x

[Simona]

Hi everyone.

Wondering if any one can offer advice or put my mind at rest.

My friends little boy is 4, and has begun to show some very odd behaviour characteristics which have become more apparent now he isn't at nursery during ng the holidays.

He has always been quite particular about certain things, like he always wants to sit on the same seat and gets distressed if someone else sits there etc.

Recently, he has started to not like receiving gifts, prizes, lu ky bags etc and will temper until his mum gives it back - screaming he doesn't want it.

He doesn't like to do activities withother children like going to the farm, and will play alone on the park etc. He will however play happily with the neighbours children.

He will scream and shout and get so angry his face goes red.

He has good speech but is unable or unwilling to say why he is feeling sad/scared/angry etc.

Is this just a normal stage for him, or could something else be going on?

Yes some support would be good at this time and professional opinion...but there also needs to be some evidence such as observations to back it up as a short visit from the HV may not reveal much to her
Ask your friend to observe and record what she sees and hears.
Hope all goes well

[mum67]

Elkie you say you are concerned but you don't mention if your friend is. Has he always been this way or has something happened recently to trigger it off, a family break up or bereavement as such?

I ask this because some years ago my youngest son was going through a bad stage, breaking things on purpose, getting protective over little things said about his brother, things that weren't said to him in a bad way but he thought they were being nasty about his brother. He would fight anyone who wanted to have a go, he was only 7 but older boys would team up and egg each other on to get him so annoyed he would literally fight them no matter how big or small and they were like 5 years older than him. It was heartbreaking to watch him go through it because he didn't want to fight really but wouldn't be seen as a 'wimp'.

So much aggression in such a small boy was frightening to see. We had a family issue which I won't mention but will say it devastated the whole family, uncles etc and then we had a bereavement of a very close family member so I was sure it all had something to do with it.
Either way I was asking for help from professionals, we needed outside help. If I let it carry on and wait until he went to secondary school I would have lost him, I would never be able to pull him back and have MY son again the system would have ended up with him or worse drink or drugs. That's how worried I was for my 7 year old son, a child so lost in something he didn't understand and too young to know how to deal with it.

I approached the school for help and told them that no matter what it was that was hurting him or bothering him so much, even if it was something he didn't like about me he needed help for his own good. People were starting to call him a bad apple and he wasn't, adults really p*** me off at times when they don't look at a child and think "something is really upsetting that child, the poor thing" instead of "he's not playing with my son he's a brat".
Anyway he got the help he needed, they talked to me for background info on the family and what was happening with him and they spoke to him but in a roundabout way so he didn't feel awkward, these professionals really know how to deal with children who need support and nobody should ever feel bad about asking for HELP before it's too late.

He had one to one sessions in school and sessions in small groups, not sitting around in a circle and talking about emotions, they worked through art, nature, topics that the children enjoyed but could express their feelings through and he never ever knew he was having some sort of 'therapy', he thought it was part of the school curriculum and everyone would be doing it. When the support worker thought he didn't need it anymore they weaned him from it but let him know his name was still down in case he wanted to join the group again when a space came up (you get what I mean I hope)

I got him into a sport to run the energy off aswell.
He was becoming my son again, my little boy, I was so happy for him. He is a healthy confident teenager now at college getting the results he wants for the career he has chosen but it could've all been a different story if I put it off and never got help.

So my advice is get help quick, something is hurting inside with this little boy and it needs an adult to make it go away, and all parents please if you are truly worried about your child the help is out there. Everyone assumes if you ask for help the big bad social services come and take your kids never to be seen again, it is not the case at all. Use the help offered, it's free for god's sake, some countries don't offer anything like we have.

The best of luck with this little one (hugs)

As usual sorry for babbling on...:laughing:

[Elkie Mawdsley]

Hi mum67.

Thank you for the great advice and for sharing your story. His parents are concerned as it is fairly new type of behaviour for him. He does have a new baby sister due in November and my friend thinks it may be to do with that but he always seems happy to talk about his new sister and it will very often calm him down.

I have suggested my friend keep some motes of the behaviour he displays and asks for support from health visitor.

:)

[Simona]

Hi mum67.

Thank you for the great advice and for sharing your story. His parents are concerned as it is fairly new type of behaviour for him. He does have a new baby sister due in November and my friend thinks it may be to do with that but he always seems happy to talk about his new sister and it will very often calm him down.

I have suggested my friend keep some motes of the behaviour he displays and asks for support from health visitor.

:)

Ahhh....The OP did not mention a new baby is on the way....
I think this may well be the trigger for his behaviour and one we have possibly seen in many many children who have a sibling on the way?

Maybe worth sharing this Health Visitor article with your friend
A Second Baby (http://www.healthvisitors.com/hv/23/504)