own children missing out

[Rickers83]

Hi
Just looking for some advise/reassurance

I did this job to spend more time with my children, but I feel like I spend less quality time now than I did working full time!

DD6 cant have friends for tea because of my numbers
DD13 dances, i haven't been to a rehersal since i started this job & used to be a parent helper there
DD6 wants to start dance but the days her lesson would be I have a pick up that clashes with her drop off & id have to leave her there on her own until 15 mins after the class finished because of other pickups

Not been to assemblies as lo's I have showed me up big time when I took them & were asked to leave!

I feel like all I ever say to my children is I/you cant..... Finding it hard putting other peoples children before my own :(

[AliceK]

SNAP :(
I feel exactly the same. I had the same hopes of spending more time with my children whilst they are young. (They are now 6 & 10) I do spend more time with them but it most certainly is not quality time and I am starting to resent the fact that my children who are now old enough to want to go to various clubs / training after school and I have to say No as I can't juggle it all so I feel I am letting them down. I am beginning to wonder if this job was the right move to make and am looking at making the move to work in a school doing school hours.

xxxxx

[Rickers83]

I'm a qualified HLTA, I've been applying to schools for the last couple of months & had a few interviews but keep being told the same thing, other applicants have more recent in-school experience.

Mind you I worked out I could earn the same money doing part-time at tesco!!

[AliceK]

I'm a qualified HLTA, I've been applying to schools for the last couple of months & had a few interviews but keep being told the same thing, other applicants have more recent in-school experience.
Mind you I worked out I could earn the same money doing part-time at tesco!!

That's worrying :(
You are right though, I could get a part-time job and earn the same as I do now. Been looking seriously at options over the last few weeks. It's a shame as I do enjoy most aspects of this job but my children shouldn't have to suffer because of it. They will only be children for a short time.

xxx

[Mouse]

I think many of us fall into the trap of thinking that because we are at home all day, we should be able to do the same things for our children as a non-working stay at home parent. We feel guilty that our children don't get enough of our time, then feel guilty if we don't put all of our effort into our business. We can't win!

I am fortunate in that I have usually only childminded part time, so have had one day a week that is devoted to my children. We could use that day for having friends round for tea, going straight out after school, staying behind for school fairs etc. I am also lucky that my children have always been very understanding that sometimes work has had to come first.

It's a tough balancing act and I think it gets us all down at some time or other. Are there any changes you could make to the hours you work? Could you cut down on a child so you do have space for DD's friend to come round for tea? Could you rearrange collection times with parents so that you could drop your younger DD at dance and collect her on time?

[Rickers83]

Unfortunately not at the moment, as I have different children on different days depending on when parents work, & most come straight to me from the train station so couldn't get here earlier & aren't likely to extend their hours for my benefit. :(

[Mouse]

Unfortunately not at the moment, as I have different children on different days depending on when parents work, & most come straight to me from the train station so couldn't get here earlier & aren't likely to extend their hours for my benefit. :(

That's a shame :(

Again, I'm lucky that most of my parents have been understanding and able to fit in with little changes. But then, it works both ways and I have helped them out when I can. There have been times when I've asked parents to collect later than usual, but I don't charge for that as it's me asking. None have complained as it's given them an extra half hour child-free :laughing:

[loocyloo]

Unfortunately not at the moment, as I have different children on different days depending on when parents work, & most come straight to me from the train station so couldn't get here earlier & aren't likely to extend their hours for my benefit. :(

Could the parents meet you somewhere else to collect their child ... I have had children collected from swimming pool or gym or I have dropped a minded child home later.

It is hard. I'm very lucky that both my children have friends that do most of the same activities and so we do lots of lift sharing. And my mindees parents are usually pretty good at coming to a compromise if needed regards something afterschool. I have just spoken to a mum who will collect her child from the drs on friday as ds has had his hayfever review changed and its bang on pick up! Hopefully dh will be able to take ds but if not, all sorted!

[Chatterbox Childcare]

Can you not work around going to assemblies by working with someone else who could watch your little ones? I used to go to church armed with cheese savouries and each time they started I put one in their mouth (I took 3 under 3).

[hectors house]

Could you not have one day a month (a different day of the week each month, so it doesn't always affect the same parent) that you finish early on so that your daughter could have friends to tea either that have a Saturday play date occasionally where you can invite several friends at the same time. About the pick up times if your daughter did ballet I think I would tell the parents that you will be dropping your child at ballet and will be 10 mins late - if they have car they can wait in that, if not they could just walk slower back from station, stop off at the shops or if I trusted them I would give them a key to come in and wait, after all they trust us with their children. Is there not a Saturday ballet class your daughter could attend, if you worked full time you probably wouldn't be back in time to take her to a week day class.

[Maza]

I take little ones to assemblies. I take tons of food (not food in noisy packets) and, depending on the age of the child I would also spread a blanket on the floor next to my chair and put out some quiet activities, such as colouring or stickers and paper. I have seen other parents take tablets with a film and ear phones or I-pads etc.

I ALWAYS book the day/morning off for the Nativity show. If you give parents enough notice they should be able to sort something out.

If the dance class is close to your home could the parents pick the child up from there instead? Sometimes mine pick up from a local playground so that we don't all have to cut short our fun and get home for someone else's pick up. I often meet another childminder there and she gets her parents to do the same. It's not very far from either of our houses because obviously you have to be realistic in what you are expecting parents to do.

Play dates are tricky for me too. I do have one day a week off so we try to do them then, but I also like keeping that day just for me and DD to go swimming, the park or just chill out at home together. Now that it is Summer (??) could you arrange to do joint picnics where the other mum comes along so that you are not in charge/over your numbers. That way your daughter would still get to socialise. Is there another parent who could drop your DD6 home after dance class? As someone else said, the parents might be willing to collect 15 mins later - they might love it - or they may not as it would mean they get home even later in the evening/get to spend less time with their little one.