Please and Thankyou!

[bulldog]

I believe really strongly in good manners, especially please and thankyou.

Im currently having a mare with a two year old who absolutely refuses to say it to me!! She is very bright and has excellent language skills, and does say it at home and occasionally in her play with others.
Grandparents have her the days I dont and they dont expect her to say it!

Today I have put her lunch in front of her and said "thankyou" as I always do....no reaction. So i said say thankyou, she then said "no!" and threw plate on floor!!!

I took her out of the highchair and gave her 2 min time out, she still refused to say it.

She is so stubborn (stereotypical I know but shes a redhead!)
Obviously I cant let her go hungry, but its everything I give to her, toys, drinks, snacks etc

It really grates on me to give in when all the other children say it and I constantly model it too :angry:

Tips????

[tess1981]

A lo I mind would demand stuff... For example after I gave her a drink after lunch she would shout more. I tell her say please and when she does I give it to her. Now taking it a step further. If she shouts more I ignore her this went on for few weeks til one day she shouted more I looked at her blankly and with put prompting she said please. Takes a little time lol but use treats to get the thank you first and it soon becomes second nature

[loocyloo]

Oooooo I feel your pain. I have a 2yr old who does this too ... mine won't even say yes or no ... ( but can and used to! Yesterday at pick up mum put child in buggy and gave a biscuit. I couldn't help myself saying 'thank you mummy' ..Mum gave me an odd look so obviously not expected at home! )

I know it's a phase lots seem to go through but it's very frustrating!

I'd love some tips too!

[bulldog]

She would honestly rather go without than say "Thankyou"
She will say "dont like it" if you continue to ask her to say it!

A simple "ta" would do even! Arghhhhhh!

[Glitter]

All children go through stages when they don't want to do things, and adults trying to get them to do it can make them worse.

Maybe you could stop encouraging her to say it. When you give her something don't say thank you to her, only say please and thank you when you would normally say them yourself. Usually children will start to say please and thank you again with in a couple of weeks.

My own children refused to say sorry to each other for a couple of years. I tried not to insist they did, but made sure they showed how sorry they were in another way. They are older now and (thankfully) have good manners.

[amylouise867]

My advise would be to stop focusing on it and sitting her away in time out for saying no.

Instead model model model.

Praise the children who do use manners and tell them how kind and polite they are.

When you give her things don't say "say thank you, can you say thank you, that's not very nice to not say thank you." Instead put her food down in front of her and say "thank you" she will soon start copying and when she does praise her.

You will find if you model it enough it just happens.

My little one is 17 months and says 'quuuuee' (thank you) or 'ta' when I give her something without any prompts or reminders. Just second nature now because we all use manners around her and it rubs off.

We are all different and choose to do things differently but I'm not sure your time out will make a difference in a positive way as she is so young. It will just make her more adamant to stand her ground and be more stubborn - because you're giving her a reaction she's intrigued about.

Hope that helps :) xx

[Bumble Beez]

I agree entirely with the fabulous advice from amylouise867... Couldn't of said it better myself :)

Sarah x

[k1rstie]

I take my friends daughter aged 8 home from girls brigade every week, and have done for over a year. As she gets out of the car, she has never said thank you, or see you tomorrow,or nothing. It really grates on me, so much so I usually shout 'your welcome' after she slams the car door.

Her mother does the taking to girls brigade, and My daughter says that she always says it.


BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD THE MUM SAY IT EITHER, so it's probably never said at home. Not to worry thought, she only works as a primary school teacher!!!!!!!!

[loocyloo]

She would honestly rather go without than say "Thankyou"
She will say "dont like it" if you continue to ask her to say it!

A simple "ta" would do even! Arghhhhhh!

Mine refuses to even acknowledge that I've either asked a question or offered/given something!

I am ignoring it and modelling ' thank you ' etc but as I said it's frustrating!

[hectors house]

There is a little song you could include when doing Nursery Rhymes to the tune of Frere Jacque

"Please and Thank you
Please and Thank you
we must say, we must say
When we ask for something
When we ask for something
Every day
Every day"

Or maybe you could teach this child to sign "Please" and "Thank you" - tell her it's like Justin does on Mr Tumble
all my 2 + year olds sign and say "please can I get down" "Thank you for my lunch".

[Mouse]

I believe really strongly in good manners, especially please and thankyou.

Im currently having a mare with a two year old who absolutely refuses to say it to me!! She is very bright and has excellent language skills, and does say it at home and occasionally in her play with others.
Grandparents have her the days I dont and they dont expect her to say it!

Today I have put her lunch in front of her and said "thankyou" as I always do....no reaction. So i said say thankyou, she then said "no!" and threw plate on floor!!!

I took her out of the highchair and gave her 2 min time out, she still refused to say it.

She is so stubborn (stereotypical I know but shes a redhead!)
Obviously I cant let her go hungry, but its everything I give to her, toys, drinks, snacks etc

It really grates on me to give in when all the other children say it and I constantly model it too :angry:

Tips????

It's one of those battles you won't win, so don't fight it!

Most children go through this phase at some time. You're trying to control the situation, but from experience, I can tell you you're not going to win! You cannot force a child to say thank you. You can carry on banging your head against a brick wall until she gets bored of winding you up, or you can relax about it, not show any reaction and wait until she's fed up of the control game.

I always find stickers work wonders. When you hand food out, praise the other children who say thank you and give them a sticker for saying it. Hand her her plate. Say thank you, but if she doesn't repeat it, don't react and move on to the next child. Don't get into any conversation about it. If she wants a sticker, just say they are for the children who say thank you. Don't get into a discussion about how she has to say thank you if she wants one - don't make it about her at all. Simply tell her they are only for children who say thank you. She'll soon realise she's missing out.

[loocyloo]

There is a little song you could include when doing Nursery Rhymes to the tune of Frere Jacque

"Please and Thank you
Please and Thank you
we must say, we must say
When we ask for something
When we ask for something
Every day
Every day"

Or maybe you could teach this child to sign "Please" and "Thank you" - tell her it's like Justin does on Mr Tumble
all my 2 + year olds sign and say "please can I get down" "Thank you for my lunch".

Oooo I like that song. Thank you. Will add it to my collection!
Will try the signing too .. we do sign some things ...

[Kirsty90]

There is a little song you could include when doing Nursery Rhymes to the tune of Frere Jacque "Please and Thank you Please and Thank you we must say, we must say When we ask for something When we ask for something Every day Every day" Or maybe you could teach this child to sign "Please" and "Thank you" - tell her it's like Justin does on Mr Tumble all my 2 + year olds sign and say "please can I get down" "Thank you for my lunch".

Love that song! Xx

[amylouise867]

There is a little song you could include when doing Nursery Rhymes to the tune of Frere Jacque "Please and Thank you Please and Thank you we must say, we must say When we ask for something When we ask for something Every day Every day" Or maybe you could teach this child to sign "Please" and "Thank you" - tell her it's like Justin does on Mr Tumble all my 2 + year olds sign and say "please can I get down" "Thank you for my lunch".

Song saved!!

Excellent!!

Love new things!!!

Thank you for sharing with us :) xx

[bunyip]

A lot depends on not only the CM's 'modelling' but also what they experience at home.

On the one hand, I have a little 'princess' who feels completely entitled to be treated as such. To her, I'm just one of a string of grown-ups who exist only to serve her every whim. She seems to think she will get everything she wants from me by simply pointing out that, "I like ice-cream" or "I like the play centre" or...etc. etc. etc. (to which my response is, "oh really? So tell your mother.") She breaks down in tears at the word "no" and will only use "please" as a last resort, even then fully believing it to be a truly "magic word" that will unlock everything for her when more straightforward demanding has failed. :angry:

On the other hand, I have another mindee who has picked up "please" and "thank you" quite readily and naturally. Not only that but, because I respond to her "thank you"s, she now says "your most welcome" whenever anyone thanks her. :D

[bulldog]

I have done all of the above, bar ignoring it which im now about to do (for my own sanity!)

Always model manners
Always say thankyou as i give her something
Always praise and give stickers to others that say please or thank you.
Sing "please and thankyou!" The Barney version, usually as im having a breakdown with trying to get her to say it!:p

Agreed that we cant work miracles if its not modelled at home, and I know its not pushed as "they dont like to upset her!!"

[bunyip]

I always found Barney more than a little disturbing.

There was a guy in that costume, hiding his identity behind a woman's voice. A software analyst who gave up a good career to don a purple dinosaur costume and hang around children............... not to mention all that incessant skipping.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm? :p

[Simona]

There is a very similar thread to this about children saying 'please and thank you' one minute and then forgetting the next...??? people find it irritating but there is more behind it I think

my personal view is that children...at first...learn by rote and by role modelling ...as it is very important in this culture to say please and thank you

When they stop saying it ..my feeling is . that they have not understood or ...at least got to the level of learning..that those words are part of their social development and behaviour in society and have meaning

Saying those words needs to be meant by the child....in a way is like saying sorry...how many people do you bump into and automatically say 'sorry' to you rather than wait for you to say it?

Culture pays a very important role...in many cultures the spoken words are not needed but people have other ways of acknowledging but of course I agree that the values of the country need to be championed and taught...but when children truly understand and without labelling or name calling